Actual, Liveable Self-Care Tips for this Bonkers Bullsh*t Time
And I promise not one of these tips involves “motherfucking cliff yoga.”
Self-care is a term that most of us only learned in the last couple years. With the world the way it is now, self-care is necessary. It’s life-saving. But what the internet tells us should be self-care isn’t always real, or doesn’t fit into what our interrupted, broken down lives actually look like.
Love the way self-care advice always includes "don't forget to eat!" & "pls take a sip of water!" not STOP LYING FACE DOWN IN RIOJA & CHEESE— Sarah Perry (@SarahGPerry) February 2, 2017
So with that, as someone who has spent the better part of the month paralyzed in a pile of wine and cheesecake and emotionally crawling around like Leonardo DiCaprio in that ‘ludes scene of Wolf of Wall Street, here are my actual tips for self-care.
- Definitely drink water. I’ll go whole days where I eat everything in my fridge but never have any water. So do that. Drink the water. I got a 64-ounce Klean Kanteen and it’s the best purchase I’ve ever made. Hydration without having to get up and refill it that often. The dream.
- Don’t let your coffee get cold. When you get distracted by Twitter and the news cycle and finally look up from the horror to take a sip of coffee and it’s cold? That’s the saddest trombone. Remember to drink your coffee. Microwaving coffee is never the answer. Love yourself.
- Try to work out. Take it from me. I’ve worked out exactly once this calendar year and it felt really great.
- Take your medicine, if you have medicine to take. This has never been an issue for me all my life. But suddenly, I’m just forgetting until the middle of the day. Don’t forget.
- Watch The Good Place. I credit it with every laugh I’ve mustered in 2017.
- Take a social media break. Social media is a huge part of my job, but there is a difference between being actively informed and being actively masochistic. Take the apps off your homescreen; remove the bookmarks from your browser; deactivate Facebook over a weekend. Just step away. The world might end while you do it. This is a valid concern. But just step away for even a few minutes. Full immersion is crushing.
- Eat decently. As in eat things that your body won’t actively reject or won’t try to kill you. If you have food allergies? Maybe don’t eat food you’re allergic to even though it hurts so good. I have a wheat allergy and I’ve eaten two whole pizzas this week. I haven’t pooed in six days. Try to make sure you poo, is what I think I’m trying to say.
- Listen. I don’t mean listen to your dipshit friend from high school who thinks everything is going fine and liberal snowflakes are overreacting. Fuck that guy. Listen to people who are being affected, though. Don’t be Cat Cora or Salma Hayek, is what I’m saying. Never be the Cat Cora or Salma Hayek of any conversation you’re part of.
- Murder podcasts are literally the only thing I can listen to. I don’t know how to explain it, but they HELP. My Favorite Murder, Generation Why, Sword and Scale, I THANK YOU.
- Look at Beyoncé’s maternity photos. Nothing has helped me more than they have. They are both my homescreen and lock screen on my phone. I need them in these troubled times and so do you.
Beyoncé's maternity shoot 💙💙💙 pic.twitter.com/8RMrz0HD3V— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) February 2, 2017
Beyoncé's maternity shoot 💙💙💙 pic.twitter.com/PjjCU4jdHU— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) February 2, 2017
Beyoncé & Blue (and the twins) 💙💙💙 pic.twitter.com/klBfjgB34L— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) February 2, 2017
Beyoncé's underwater maternity photos 💙 🌊 pic.twitter.com/spExBrHxtA— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) February 2, 2017
Beyoncé's underwater maternity photos 💙 🌊 pic.twitter.com/4HfVdNqNIG— BEYONCÉ LEGION (@Bey_Legion) February 2, 2017
Seriously. You feel better now. I know you do.
- Finally, it’s OK to have hope. It’s OK to hope that things will be OK. Definitely don’t assume or expect or dismiss other people’s concerns that they won’t be. But you are allowed to have hope. We are all allowed to be hopeful. We’re also allowed to be hopeless. And it’s OK to be scared and sad and miserable, and it’s OK to have pockets of joy wherever you can find them. Whatever you’re feeling is valid. Know this.