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A Glorious New Day In The Age Of Spoilers

By Lord Castleton | Miscellaneous | August 21, 2015 |

By Lord Castleton | Miscellaneous | August 21, 2015 |


Actually, there aren’t any spoilers here. This is a goddamn spoiler free zone, which is something you can’t say for:

Archaic Geocities Pages
Everything Internet
Comment Sections
Human Beings you’re Acquainted With
Human Beings you’re Not Acquainted With
Internet Radios
Talky Neighbors
Sports Broadcasts
Overhearing People in Lines
Dating Websites
Elder Siblings talkin’ ‘bout Anakin and Santa
People at the Sink in Restrooms while you’re in the Can
Deli Ordering Stations
Speed Dates
DVD Home Screens

I mean, holy shit. Everywhere you go there are goddamn spoilers. Maybe the best thing about the death of places like Blockbuster Video is that a Redbox kiosk won’t ask you if you’re at the part when “Stringer Bell says this ______________” as you’re checking out The Wire season ONE.


My first spoiler ever, at least, the first one I remember narrowly avoiding, was for the 1992 film The Crying Game. One of my idiot friends came up to me and was about to tell me the butler-did-it surprise and another friend dove in between us like he was taking a bullet for me and yelled NOOOOOOOOO!


He did take a bullet for me that day. An entertainment bullet. And we’re still friends.

Pajibans are elite televisionistas. We proudly make references without qualifying them. We sling more gifs at each other with greater passion than anywhere else on the interwebs. We care about maintaining our suspension of disbelief. We don’t want to know the score of the game we’re DVRing for later. We don’t want to know who died in our favorite show last week because our kids were vomiting so we haven’t watched it yet. We value our entertainment on our terms, damnit!

And now we’re doing one better.

Pajiba has partnered with our friends at Cooler, a startup launching in the fall that allows you to talk about tv shows with your friends, even if you’re watching at completely different times.

What is Cooler? Well, it’s a whole new way to enjoy your favorite shows. I can’t go into more detail than that because that information is given out on a need-to-know basis and at this juncture you do not need to know.


But what I can say is that what they’re working on is a game changer. And they need your help. Right now they’re looking for:

• beta testers (obviously people interested in giving feedback on the actual product)
• taste-makers (people who are interested in commenting on specific shows - e.g. Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead, etc. - within Cooler).

They’re preparing their beta launch - if you want to be a part of it (or have further questions), then sign up at [email protected]

What we need now is to get a little more specificity about spoilers. For me, it’s the DVD Home Screen spoilers that fucking blow my mind. I’m sitting down to watch a film and you’re going to show me select moments from it on a loop? Shit I haven’t seen? From a movie I’m about to watch? What’s the point? You don’t have to sell me! The DVD is already in the player! Why would you spoil your own goddamn movie? Why?



Now then, when you get a minute, please fill out the survey below to help us really refine our war against spoilers. It’s a difficult road, but it’s one that together, we can win. I know, I know…it’ll take a miracle.


You ask for miracles? I give you Cooler! (follow them here)

If you find it easier, you can take the survey on this direct page (there’s no scroll bars), and when you’re done, you can also check out the results.

Create your own user feedback survey

Lord Castleton is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.