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A Case Study In Hotness XLV

By Joanna Robinson | Miscellaneous | February 4, 2011 |

By Joanna Robinson | Miscellaneous | February 4, 2011 |

Introduction and Purpose

Rejoice, Junior Scientists, and celebrate the return of Science Friday. This morning we’re wearing football jerseys under our lab coats in anticipation of the big game this Sunday. Yes, we mean the Superbowl! We, the Scientific Community, are not only posh, but also a bit sporty. But as much as we Beaker Wielders like football, we dislike chance and uncertainty. In order to take the guesswork out of this weekend’s clash between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers, we have decided to pre match two hot male subjects, one from Pennsylvania and one from Wisconsin. In this part-whole experiment, Junior Scientists, the hotness of one male stands for the athletic prowess of an entire team. Shhh, don’t question our methods, this is Science.


A side by side comparison of two geographically different specimens of male beauty will yield concrete and empirical conclusions about the likelihood of their homestate to win Superbowl XLV.


1. Playing for Wisconsin, #12 Mark “M-Ruff” Ruffalo
2. Playing for Pennsylvania, #7 Bradley “Big Brad” Cooper


Figure 1

In fig, 1 our first subject, #12, exudes a certain weathered charm. Pouty of lip but weary of eye, he meets the camera’s gaze almost reluctantly. In his vest, M-Ruff is executing almost JGL-esque levels of aplomb and should be lauded for his pocket presence. Additionally, the Scientific Community commends the specimen from Wisconsin for his complete lack of cheese.

Figure 2
Ruff Close.jpg

Once again, Ruffalo appears slightly uneasy with the Scientific Community’s coverage. Avoiding eye contact? Classic rookie blunder. Let’s check in with the competition to see how Pennsylvania bears up under scrutiny.

Figure 3

Oh dear, Junior Scientists, the representative from Wisconsin may be out of his league. In fig 3, we espy poise and confidence coming off Pennsylvania’s “Big Brad” Cooper in palpable waves. No novice to competitions of hotness, he has at least two titles under his belt and meets the Scientific Community’s inquiring gaze with steely-eyed determination. So cockily assured is he of a Pennsylvania victory, that he has slicked back his famously luscious man locks and appears to say, “Hey girl, you look like an eligible receiver, I’d like to make plays beyond your tackle box and try a forward pass into your endzone, ifyouknowwhatImean.” Such is the brash language of a seasoned player.

Figure 4
Emu Close.jpg

In fig 4, however, #7 reveals some latent vulnerability and uncertainty. His mighty coiffure in full effect, nostrils flared, and eyes a little beadier than before, this angle of Big Brad paints another picture entirely. His toughness appears to be suspended and, in its place, there is only doubt and…is that…hunger?


Oh, snap! We the, Scientific Community are calling an audible. Do you believe in miracles? YES. #12 from Wisconsin, Mark Ruffalo comes from behind to take the title. While we, the Scientific Community, believe man’s hottest accessory is confidence, we do think a Championship Belt would look right at home around M-Ruff’s hips.

Joanna Robinson has but two words to say: GO PACK!

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