Because I don’t think I’ve made you re-live enough trauma with last night’s comment diversion, I think I’ll help you to remember that which will scar every young and innocent soul regardless of sex, colour, or creed. Please don’t blame me for foisting this upon you, it was Tracer Bullet that found the video and insisted I share it with the masses*.
Many of us have been in this situation. You’re sound asleep in your comfy twin bed, you know, the one with the Star Wars or Strawberry Shortcake sheets, when you’re suddenly awoken by strange noises emanating throughout the house. Perplexed and a little scared, you venture out of your comfortable haven with more than a little trepidation. You’re not quite sure where the sounds are coming from, but you are convinced that two beasts of insurmountable appetite are making them. Venturing into the hall, you follow the sounds of what must be the two brutes locked in mortal combat. The sounds of battle quickening your angelic little heart, you come to a door. This flimsy shield of wood is the last failsafe that stands between you and the carnivorous war of the titans erupting on other side. You grasp the handle, terrified of what may be revealed to you, but unable to resist because of your curiosity. The gateway gently swings open and there, right in front of you appears the most horrendous sight your chaste little eyes have ever beheld. Something so heinous that it blinds you and rends your untainted soul to shreds. Forever more will you walk the earth a blind, jaded and empty shell of a human being. Whatever potential you once had has been stolen from you in a maelstrom of horror and lies. You, just witnessed, your parents banging.
*It may be that Tracer Bullet’s insistence was merely having me happen to see the video, but he should know better.