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Costumes You Absolutely Should Not Wear Unless You Are A Goddamned Shitbird

By Jodi Smith | Guides | October 28, 2015 |

By Jodi Smith | Guides | October 28, 2015 |

It seems like we have to have this conversation every year, people that are oblivious that I’m speaking to you. There are some costumes that are off limits for Halloween for reasons of good taste, civility, and not being a festering garbage pile (which is also off limits as a costume for stank reasons).

1. Do not wear anything involving black face, brown face, or racism of any kind.

If you want to dress up as a pop culture icon or character that is a different race than you, focus on the costume details and not the skin color.

2. Do not dress up as Caitlyn Jenner, Bruce Jenner, or any combination thereof that makes light of her transition.

Caitlyn Jenner is a person. A real person that doesn’t need some airheaded frat turd putting on a dress or lingerie and leaving his hairy legs on display because their sense of humor and taste never matured above 6 years of age. We know, Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner and that makes you afraid of thinking too many thoughts about it, lest you magically want to transition as well. [I’m rolling my eyes at you right now.]

3. Victims of school or mass shootings or the perpetrators of such cowardly crimes.

Please see previous remark about these being real people and realize that they are loved and are missed. Also see the whole being an immature idiot thing. Actually, the rest of these pretty much piggyback on thinking about what you’re really doing when you use people as a costume in a way that comes from a place of mockery or belittlement.

4. Don’t wear anything that makes light of Black Lives Matter or the police violence plaguing our nation.

Ahem, Rebel Wilson.

5. Do not dress up as Syrian Refugees.

I know I don’t have to tell you that dressing up as people suffering and losing their children is not cool. Right?

6. Don’t dress as Bill Cosby or Jared Fogle.

Sex offenders, people. They aren’t funny.

7. Don’t wear anything that starts with Sexy when it actually shouldn’t exist on the same planet as sexy.

This is just my way of saying I will judge the hell out of anyone dressing as a sexy Freddy Kreuger, Big Bird, or anything else that shits in the face of sense. LIKE SEXY PIZZA RAT.