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Chopping Food with Your Teeth Is Not OK, and We Will Not Tolerate Any Debate on the Matter

By Dustin Rowles | Food Porn | February 13, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Food Porn | February 13, 2018 |

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Watch this. Go ahead.

Is there a tiny part of your brain in the back of your head that thought, “You know what? Chopping food with your teeth is not a bad idea?” Because if you thought that, even for a split second, get out. The door is over there — close this tab and get the fuck out. See the X? Just click on it. Do not go down to our comments section and start trying to tell us that this is OK.

It is not. There is nothing you can say to us to convince us otherwise. You cannot put butter in your mouth and spit it into a pan and expect anyone to eat it. Don’t chew up your garlic and treat your skillet as a spittoon. Use a fucking knife like a goddamn adult. Do not baby-bird your food prep. No!

What’s that? You in the back? What’d you say? Something about how it’s OK if she’s only cooking for herself? No Get out. GET OUT. Did I stutter? Shut the fuck up, Gwyneth. What is wrong with you? Who raised you? We don’t want you here.

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Does anyone else have anything they want to add? We good here? Are we all on the same page now? Do we all understand that food is never to enter your mouth until after it has been cooked? Cool?

Jesus, what is wrong with these people?