film / tv / politics / social media / lists celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb

lava-pixar-worst-short-ever.jpg

Disney+ Allows Us to Relive the Worst Thing That Pixar Has Ever Created

By Dustin Rowles | Film | November 14, 2019 |

By Dustin Rowles | Film | November 14, 2019 |

lava-pixar-worst-short-ever.jpg

Five years ago, when he was 7, I took the kid to see Inside Out the night it opened. It was phenomenal, and it remains my favorite Pixar movie to date, although it may have been traumatic for my kid who had to see his father uncontrollably shed big sh*tty tears. The movie, though, was a stunning emotional achievement, and capable of wrecking any “human with human-based emotions.”

But it wasn’t all perfection. Because in order to experience the greatness that was Inside Out, we had to suffer through six minutes of “Lava,” the Pixar short film that preceded the feature. It was horrible, a creepy obnoxious short with a song so terrible that — playing it the morning after the screening — my wife asked, “Oh God, what is that awful song? Please turn it off!”

In fact, my son turned to me during that short — not realizing that it wasn’t the movie — and said, “Dad, I don’t like this. I don’t think I’m going to like the movie very much.” In his assessment afterward, he suggested that Pixar “should cancel it. It is terrible. It is not good. They should pull it straight-away.” He was 7.

It’s bad.

In short, it’s about a creepy looking male volcano who sings a terrible ukulele-based ditty about finding “someone to lava,” which sounds more like a threat than anything romantic. However, he sings it for, like, centuries, as he spews lava and shrinks in size until he’s finally underwater. What he doesn’t realize, however, is that his atrocious song has been inspiring a super creepy female volcano to rise to the surface, only once she makes it above sea level, the male volcano is underneath. So she sings the song, inspiring him to rise above sea level so that the two creepy volcanos can live happily ever after.

Here’s the short. WARNING: MAY CAUSE INTERNAL BLEEDING AND/OR SEIZURES. DO NOT OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY WHILE LISTENING.

I didn’t say anything after the movie for a few weeks, because I thought I was alone in my hatred, because we all think that everything Pixar does magical perfection that comes from rainbows and unicorns. I didn’t want to stick my neck out, but a glance on Twitter at the time and since has validated my feelings.