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The Boondock Saints Is the Insane Clown Posse of Movies and the 10 Best Comments of the Week

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 16, 2012 |

By Prolixity Julien | Eloquent Eloquence | March 16, 2012 |

Eloquent Eloquence is a compilation of the ten best comments of the week. Comments in reviews are not eligible for inclusion.

There is a link in the commenter’s name that will take you to the original post.

10. I guess having kids is selfish, but so is every, single human endeavor. Having a kid has been the most profoundly terrifying experience of my life. It’s an insecurity that doesn’t ever really go away. It’s the only type of love where if you do it right, the other person goes away. That’s your aim, to bring this utterly dependent creature from helplessness to self-sufficiency, and you never, ever know how it will turn out. You might think you’ve done all you can, and your child turns around one day to say, “Nope, you were horrible. All that sacrifice was for naught. I made this movie to prove what an awful, fucking parent you are.” And all you can say is, “but you’re having sex with Jon Hamm? How can that not make you happy?” - minxy

9. Thank god there are other people that think Boondock Saints is a steamer. That movie has to come close to the record for “most douchebag fans ever for a screenplay”, it’s like the Insane Clown Posse of movies. - Johnnyseattle

8. You get paid to write here??!!!
Ahem. You get paid to write here? How nice. I assumed you all worked in exchange for the very solemn promise of a guranteed spot in TK’s basement once the dead start walking the earth. That place is stacked with all types of weapons invented and a few that are currently in developing stage. And beer. Lots of beer. Happy End of Days everyone!
I digress. All I really wanted to say is that Spartacus has grown on me. I used to watch for all the pretties (and by that I mean naked men) but lately I’m genuinely invested. I even learned how to spell “genuinely” just so I can say that. And by learn I mean google. And by invested I mean hornier than usual. What was I saying again?- Irina

7. Against my better judgement I can’t help but like Stewart, but boy does she express herself with those legs so much more than with her face.

In short shorts I feel like I could vaguely understand and read her in a conversation; pop some jeans on her however and I might as well have Asperger’s. You can tell she was born leg-first, because if that came out head-first the doctor would instead have been briefly shocked before putting the inexpressive ennui-thing in a pile with the rest of the staplers.

Kristen Stewart - inducing Asperger’s since 1990. - zeke the pig

6. Well, in fairness, some penii are damn good at Scrabble. MY penis spelled zyzygy on a triple-word score, racked up 10,495 points and was pissed he couldn’t think of a way to use ALL his letters for the 50 bonus points.

No, I don’t know where he got the second Z. I accused him of cheating and tried to choke him but he just enjoys that. - Posted by: ,

5. Good evening fans, Mean Gene Okerlund, here along with Tony Schiavone for the premier of Hulk Hogan’s first ever Super Summer Kama Sutra Suplex. Where the usual card has been replaced with a carnal session with everyone’s favorite handlebarred superstar.

That’s right Gene, and here comes Hogan now ready to part the Masked Strumpet like the Red Sea. Here he goes ducking into the heart-shaped ring. He’s whipping off his briefs and waitaminute…..he seems to be in some distress…

And I don’t believe it! The Hulkster cannot find the Lil Hulk! He’s looking desperately but cannot get him combat ready. He’s pounding away, but he’s softer than a taffy pull in July.

He’d better do something fast Gene….the ref is indicating a disqualification if something doesn’t happen by the count of three.

Hogan is looking like he’s in total panic mode now, he’s looking around for someone, anyone to tag in his stead….. And he’s found someone. I don’t think he cares who at this point. And he tags the impromptu teammate. Hogan steps aside and lets him through….WOW does this guy have a hog to be proud of. He’s going to town on the Masked Strumpet…I haven’t seen a shellacking like this since my Bull Mastiff tried to squeeze through the cat door.

But Gene…who is this mystery wingman? I’m trying to get a better look at his face, but his hair keeps getting in the way….


….And Hulk Hogan is weeping in shame! As are most everyone in the Philadelphia Spectrum! Go to commercial. Cut it now! Do it ———


-{Station ID Card and Beep Tone}- bleujayone

4. So, Captain America is winged for her pleasure? - Three-nineteen

3. Take Me Gnome Tonight

Which could also be a porno, I suppose, if appropriately punctuated:

Take Me, Gnome, Tonight.

Commas matter, people. - Foder

2. Why the writy man confuse by movie? Clearly it be boom boom ship go boom, Barbados lady know steering, Tim Riggins is chief of all, Landry there. I get movie. I love movie. - Marcela

1. He’s the type of guy that if you find out he’s been preserving the body of his deceased kindergarden teacher, Sister Mary Rose, in his basement, justifying the many sexual perversions he has inflicted upon the dead nun’s body as an “Opera of Love”, you’d think “Ewwww!”. But somehow it makes sense that he would need to do that. - the other courtney

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