What Does Diplo Know about Taylor Swift That Makes Him 'Scared For His Life'?
First we had the Gyllenhaal Run-in/Bad Trip Conspiracy at the Golden Globes. Now, Diplo, who is a DJ/producer and not Legos for toddlers, says that what he knows about Taylor Swift has him scared for his life.
And, like Gyllenhaalgate before, this one has the hallmarks of a Swifty cover-up.
“Taylor Swift is very strategic with her friends and enemies,” he said. “And I know lots of secrets. I can’t divulge, but I know a lot of stuff about her. And I’m scared. I’m scared for my life.”.
“So many great albums came out that week, and all people talked about, on all the big press, was Me vs. Lorde, and Kim Kardashian’s butt. No one covered any music. And it’s funny, because me and Lorde, we’re actually friends.”
Then Defamer reached out to GQ and GQ was all “IT WAS OUT OF CONTEXT” and then they posted the full quote which didn’t provide any context and the GQ was all “WE ACCIDENTALLY ABBREVIATED IT” and then they posted the full quote which has nothing to do with Lorde or Kim Kardashian or butts of any kind:
She has like forty million Twitter fans. Forty million! Yeah. It’s crazy. I’m a fan though. Her powers—she’s big. She’s strong, bro. Taylor Swift is very strategic with her friends and enemies. And I know lots of secrets. I can’t divulge, but I know a lot of stuff about her. And she’s definitely, there’s definitely scary stuff going on. And I’m scared. I’m scared for my life.
I don’t know how they got it, but we managed to get ahold of an exclusive video of the meeting between Swift’s management and GQ that lead to this crazed series of changes.
So that’s two well-publicized stories that Swift’s team has tried to kill. BUT WHY?, we ask in whispered secret, under the cover of darkness (I’m definitely wearing a beret in this scenario).
Well, let’s do what we do best. Let’s speculate wildly about the potentially deadly secrets Diplo knows about Taylor Swift:
She’s a spy.
She’s a CIA assassin.
She once killed 12 people by serving them poisoned lavender lemonade in her pirate ship-themed living room.
She tried to kill John Mayer by smothering him with a vintage quilted silk pillow covered in sequins.
She was in Lindsay Lohan’s pink bag the whole time.
She’s Keyser Soze.
She’s DB Cooper.
She got Selfie taken off the air.
She’s the inspiration for Taken.
She’s the inspiration for Tekken.
Feel free to post your own theories in the comments. One of them will be right. We’ll know which one because we’ll never hear from you again.