Pajiba

a partridge in a pear tree! (what? It's almost Christmas in July)

Vodka, tampons, a 6" piece of moleskin, coupons for free hugs, assorted carabiners, a lone Ugg, The Best of Queen, a Pentium 4 processor, a squeegee, 2 pairs of socks, elementally pure potassium, Care Bear pajamas, an original copy of the Magna Carta, a vise grip, Nutella, the inner ear bones of David Foster Wallace, a DVD of "Nights in Rodanthe", and lint.

No, wait, that was my shopping list...

I read that as "vodka tampons", no comma. That would make so much sense...

There's only one thing it can be... And it belongs to Marcellus Wallace.

Say what again, I dare ya, I double dare ya muthafucka!

I say it held the guns or gun that was used to kill both Tupac and Biggie. I knew those murder cases would be solved eventually. Damn, Lindsay, why'd you do it?

That's kind of personal, isn't it? I really don't want to know what's been shoved into her pink bag... ohhhh, you mean, like an actual bag bag. Nevermind...

Lots more money than you and I will ever have.

I'm gonna guess 3 burritos.

Her career

HAHAHA stupid whore. We are so much better than her and especially those regular people obsessed with famous people.

I liked Pajiba better when it didn't talk about celebrities... especially ones who really don't deserve attention, good or bad. Giving it to them is like feeding a troll.

The spoken word portion of “Oops!… I Did It Again” about the Cœur de la Mer

BUT I THOUGHT THE OLD LADY THREW IT INTO THE OCEAN AT THE END.

*dying*

*looks at picture*

See this is why I say senior citizens shouldn't be allowed to drive.

(it's a joke senior citizens that frequent Pajiba. Are there any?)

Fassbender's head.

An even bigger mystery for me is how this woman still has a license to drive or can get car insurance with so many vehicular mishaps.

Some really, REALLY compromising photos of the judges who keep giving her probation.

Gweneth's head in a box

Signed copies of Mean Girl and Freaky Friday with additional never before heard commentary from Lindsay Lohan that either spends it's time waxing nostalgic, coughing, trying to sell her spray tan to you and generally complaining about how people just don't understand her.

A Mazda, a Monza, A winnebago, hell -- a herd of Winnebagos -- we're giving them away, a heted kidney-shaped swimming pool, a Third Reich swizzle stick, Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number, a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams, a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi, a Las Vegas wedding, a Mexican divorce, and a baby's arm holding an apple.

And Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

What's in the box??

You know, I've got to say that lindsay looks great in that picture for a woman that's in her mid-50s.

Sadly, Dina Lohan can now legitimately crow, "People say we look like sisters!'

It's not what was in the bag, but who it belonged to: Pandora. For, like a snail, Lohan carries her home around with her wherever she goes.

please don't start posting about Lindsay Lohan and such.

A non-functioning Emma Stone voodoo doll.

The cure to the zombie apocalypse.
LiLo is a actually a medical genius who has selflessly given up her blossoming movie career and assumed the identity of a brainless twit in order to do her medical experiments in private. The semi-truck was actually planted in front of her by the zombie conspiracy to prevent the antidote from being delivered in time and now we are all doomed.

A straight to DVD sequel to I Know Who Killed Me.

Meth. ALL THE METH.

And the remaining shred of dignity.

Courtney, please never change. That's all.

Nevermind the pink bag, how in heavens name will she explain the body in the trunk that she stole from Captain Kendrick's Memorial Hot Dog Wildlife Preserve?

In a fitting, Mad Men-esque metaphor, the bag was empty. (edited)

bath salts.

Perfect! If Lindsay is shot while eating someone's face while high on bath salts, I think TMZ might explode.

Guys need to lay off Lainey, here lies the real pants on fire

"..while her brakes went out in the conservatory with the lead pipe."

Nice.

I'm going to go with four midget hookers, a stuffed donkey, three vats of Vaseline, Jimmy Hoffa, a hard cover of War and Peace, a baker's dozen of orphaned African children, four and a half clowns, one grizzly bear (hence the half a clown) one pair of soiled underoos, a jack-in-the-box (both the toy and the fast food joint) an AK-47 with a half empty clip, a dead unicorn, fourteen litres of antiseptic and a Christmas tree from 1989.

Oh, what was in her pink BAG? I misread the question.

I just wanna grab this girl and friggin' shake the ever-loving SHIT out of her...

-Her real face, and several others a la Return to Oz

Best answer!

coke? crack? heroin? meth? special K? rape drug? or worse Terrence malick's phone number!

And baby wipes. Lots of baby wipes.

Hawthorn wipes?

How can a porsche rear-end an 18-wheeler?

How'd she rear end it and manage to not decapitate herself?

She cannot be killed. The secret to her power was in the pink bag.

You ever seen a really small gay guy and a really big, burly gay guy together? You'd be surprised at what can rear-end what.

you get the upvotes for the obvious joke. Where's the love for the setup man?

A laptop with a half finished novel.