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Timothée Chalamet Stans Are Not OK

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 6, 2023 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 6, 2023 |


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On Monday night, Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner were spotted kissing at a Beyoncé concert. As if this weren’t distressing enough for Chalamet’s fans, he was also seen smoking at the same event. This has been perceived as a betrayal — both to his fandom and to his lungs — especially by a fan named Simone, who posts on Instagram under the handle Club Chalamet.

Before reading her post, pause for a moment. Try to envision the person you’d expect to be behind this delusional message, which implies not merely that two celebrities are kissing, but that a stalker and her family have achieved their ultimate objective.

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Contrary to expectations, Simone is not a starstruck teenager. She is a woman in her 50s who looks like this. Clearly, Simone is not coping well. She spent over an hour on Twitter Spaces this week discussing the news with fellow Chalamet enthusiasts. And it should go without saying that Simone is a big Johnny Depp fan. Obviously. She may dislike Kylie Jenner, but she was pleased when Chalamet dated Lily-Rose Depp.

Chalamet’s fans are struggling this week with the revelation that their idol is basic. They’re not handling it well. While I generally find the phrase “go out and touch some grass” insufferably obnoxious, it seems apt here.

Hat Tip: Kayleigh, Alexander Joenks