I sat idly by as they used a sex tape to launch careers and lifestyle brands. I barely batted a lash when they spit in the face of marriage equality by pulling off that multimillion dollar wedding grift. I was stonefaced as they prepared to bring about (and will sell like it’s a fragrance) the Unholy One.
But, I can sit no longer. For they have gone too far. The family responsible for countless reprehensible deeds and sins has finally gone too, too far.
Oh. Hell. No.
And I can simply not abide such hateful blasphemy.
You’ve done it now, Kardashians. First, you came for my dignity, and I did nothing, for I had no dignity. Then you came for our ’90s child stars.
I need to be alone. Alone in a corner with a copy of Bop Magazine and a Fruit Roll-Up.