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Merry Christmas From the Kardashians

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Celebrities Are Better than You | Comments (44)

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In the words of Mame, we need a little Christmas. Right this very minute. Zombies on the stairwell, orange boyfriends in it.

Let us now bask in the holiday glory of a merry family filled with love and laughter in their legitimately real family Christmas card.

kardashian-jenner-christmas-card-family-portrait-nick-saglimbeni-kim-kylie-khloe-kourtney-kendall-kris-rob.jpg

Happy holidays, everyone. To all a good episode of Dynasty. And may your Muppet shoulder sleeves grow green and proud.









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Comments

I know we're meant to be making fun of this, but this is Awesome. It's the Addams Family meets Dynasty and I can't hate on that. I'll never get over how much Kourtney's boyfriend reminds me of Patrick Batemen though...

Posted by: valerie at December 16, 2010 2:07 PM

Photoshop much?

Posted by: tamatha at December 16, 2010 2:12 PM

Is it just me or is there a right boob deformity inherent in that family? (Their right)

Posted by: Paultera at December 16, 2010 2:13 PM

Why is everyone so angry?

Posted by: Trouble at December 16, 2010 2:21 PM

Also? I love this line: Zombies on the stairwell, orange boyfriends in it.

Posted by: tamatha at December 16, 2010 2:22 PM

We challenge you to a Merry Christmas.

Posted by: sars at December 16, 2010 2:28 PM

Passion.

Betrayal.

Revenge.

Sleigh bells.

Ennui.

Posted by: Byrd at December 16, 2010 2:29 PM

How many of them are there?!?! I had no idea...

Posted by: Stacey at December 16, 2010 2:30 PM

This is Christmas in the mind of a drunk, senile Tim Burton. Who's been kicked in the temple. By a horse. On steriods. Who had a running start. And Tim was leaning into it.

And the post-production costs of that one photo is more than I'll make in a decade. Rich people suck.

Posted by: Kballs at December 16, 2010 2:31 PM

This is so Photoshopped they actually look more like video game characters.

But it is still amazing.

Posted by: Marcela at December 16, 2010 2:45 PM

Also, good to know that weird tilted one hand on hip pose is genetic.

Posted by: Marcela at December 16, 2010 2:46 PM

Bruce Jenner looks confused and frightened, and little Wednesday at the bottom of the stairs looks terrified.

This looks like the movie poster for some kind of country house murder mystery. Something with a tagline line "Nothing says 'Holiday Cheer' like danger, money, plastic surgery, and MURDER."

Posted by: Siege at December 16, 2010 2:49 PM

I agree with KBalls--and people rich enough to pull this off have no business, NONE, looking so damn pissy. I'm surprised they didn't spray-tan that poor toddler as well.

Posted by: DeadBessie at December 16, 2010 2:56 PM

hahahahahahahahaha

Posted by: Jules at December 16, 2010 2:57 PM

Okay, ready? NOBODY SMILE

Fuck, is that kid smiling? I SAID NO SMILING. Doesn't he know we all hate each other?

That's better.

Posted by: Paul Southworth at December 16, 2010 2:59 PM

Posted by: Yossarian at December 16, 2010 3:04 PM

A douchey Christmas to all, and to all a giant douche!

Posted by: Slash at December 16, 2010 3:25 PM

Bruce Jenner and that dude standing behind the one in the puke-colored dress look like hostages.

Posted by: Slash at December 16, 2010 3:28 PM

Looks like the cover of a Virginia Andrews book.

Posted by: Oveta at December 16, 2010 3:35 PM

@Oveta - YES! V.C. Andrews is EXACTLY what I was trying to think of! And the little cut out on the outer cover would be over Wednesday's face!

Posted by: Siege at December 16, 2010 3:57 PM

Every time the boyfriend is watching a Laker game on TV and I catch a glimpse of Lamar Odom it always surprises me. I forget that he's the only one on the show that has a job.

Posted by: buttonator at December 16, 2010 4:37 PM

What about this says "Christmas"?

Posted by: Carolina Girl at December 16, 2010 4:43 PM

It looks like a..."hippy-er" version of the Black Lodge from "Twin Peaks". Every bit as weird, though.

Posted by: Dr Remulak at December 16, 2010 4:47 PM

There are five of them? Why did I think that there were only three? Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney? Who the hell are the other two?

Anyway,I am a big fan of this picture. Whoever the one with the shrug made out of Kermit is, she's my favorite.

Posted by: DominaNefret at December 16, 2010 5:08 PM

I'm pleasantly surprised to see Kloe looking less Sasquatch-y. Scott is a little too GTL-y and why is Bruce biting his lip? He looks so uncomfortable.

Posted by: Lloyd so null and void at December 16, 2010 5:40 PM

The reflection of the banister in the square in front of the kid baffles me. There is bad Photoshop, and then there is BAD PHOTOSHOP.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 16, 2010 5:55 PM

God bless them, every one.

Posted by: Johnny Von Awesome at December 16, 2010 6:08 PM

"Bruce Jenner and that dude standing behind the one in the puke-colored dress look like hostages. "

-You mean they're NOT? Patty Hearst looked happier.

"There are five of them? Why did I think that there were only three? Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney? Who the hell are the other two?"

-Koo-Koo & Kocoa Puffs

"Looks like the cover of a Virginia Andrews book."

-Secrets on the Staircase

"What about this says "Christmas"?"

-It says, "Your family might be a handful to take this Christmas, but thank Baby Jesus you don't have a seat in THIS douche canoe!"

"I'm pleasantly surprised to see Kloe looking less Sasquatch-y. "

-Yes. She's a very humble bumble.

"A douchey Christmas to all, and to all a giant douche!"

-Thanks. After looking at that picture I am going to need something to flush my eyes out.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 16, 2010 6:58 PM


AAAAAH ALL THE DEAD EYES EVEN THE BABY HAS DEAD EYES AAAAAAAAAAH! AND WEIRDLY SMOOTH FACES AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Posted by: Chola_Figgy at December 16, 2010 7:52 PM

totally Addams Family.

(with apologies to the Addams Family)

Posted by: idleprimate at December 16, 2010 8:14 PM

Why do they all look like Wednesday from the Addams family?
Even the baby(aawwww)...

Posted by: UncleKaiser at December 16, 2010 8:17 PM

For the record I didn´t copy idleprimate..
We just thought of "Addams" at the same time..
*waves to idleprimate*

Posted by: UncleKaiser at December 16, 2010 9:28 PM

The deer-in-headlights expression on the girl on the far left on the staircase is cracking me up. She looks like she just woke up and realized who her family is. "Oh shit, I'm a Kardashian!"


I'm guessing it's impossible to smile when you've had THAT much Botox.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 16, 2010 9:33 PM

the first comment on this post beat us both to it. it's not you or me, it's just there, plain as the hand wandering your night table

Posted by: idleprimate at December 16, 2010 10:10 PM

Oh for FFS you´re right!:
*waving hands to Pajiba in general*

Posted by: UncleKaiser at December 16, 2010 10:21 PM

Once more, I find myself sexually attracted to a comment thread. It's been a while. Make love to me. I'll leave the fetish gear at home because that photo is enough, lemmetellyou

Posted by: Rest In Peace at December 16, 2010 11:11 PM

For me Scotts expression says alot:
How much does a rat and a tube cost?
Oh come ON now, you DID read the Bret Easton Ellis novel, didn´t you?

Posted by: UncleKaiser at December 16, 2010 11:58 PM

This picture made baby Jesus cry...and projectile vomit...and violently void his bowel. Hell, it had that effect on me too. (It's gonna take forever to clean this mess up.) God Damn the Kardashians. God Damn them to Hell

Posted by: Mark M at December 17, 2010 12:43 AM

I'm with valerie, this is crazy awesome! Poor Bruce Jenner, though. He looks like he was drugged right until about 10 seconds before this shot was taken and someone just put some smelling salts under his nose.

Posted by: Austin asking for trouble at December 17, 2010 1:27 AM

I'm just trying to picture the thought process that preceded this...
"Oooh, let's get all dressed up and line up on the stairs Von Trapp style!"
"Yeah, but instead of thoses dinky dirndls and lederhosen, let's be all sombre and formal and make the guys match their ties to our gowns!"
"But if you don't have a mancessory, you can spice up your gown in order to catch one next year."
"Ok, but remember: smiling causes wrinkles, so x-nay on the holiday cheer all of you. Grinch it up Malibustyle."
"Everyone say chee... oops, no. Just bat your eyes and think of England."

Posted by: cinekat at December 17, 2010 7:19 AM

Sorry if someone has said it, since it seems easy and obvious...

but are they waiting for their Murder Mystery RPG to start?

Posted by: Candee at December 17, 2010 10:55 AM

I do like the dresses though...

Posted by: Candee at December 17, 2010 10:59 AM

Who said Bruce was biting his lip? Silly rabbit... Bruce doesn't HAVE any lips to bite.

Posted by: NGG at December 17, 2010 2:59 PM

What exactly are some really good music players for kids? My cousin is 5 yoa and for christmas I'd prefer to buy her a mp3 player, she loves my nano but I think it would difficult for her to utilize it. Are there give ones for kids?

Posted by: MP3 players for kids at March 18, 2011 6:58 PM