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Oh, That Explains Eddie Redmayne's Performance in 'Jupiter Ascending' (No, It Doesn't)

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | December 27, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | December 27, 2018 |


Eddie Redmayne is the Son of Satan, the hairy, pulsating, oozing mole on the ass of mankind. He is a soulless soft-mouthed ginger, a vampire demon who may or may not have consumed Samantha Barks — Éponine in Les Miserable — as a blood sacrifice (have you seen Barks since Les Mis? Exactly!)

Fun Fact: Mieka sent me this photo for Christmas to ward off Evil Spirits in my house. Unfortunately, she failed to realize that Redmayne is the Trojan Horse of evil spirits.


Redmayne also played Balem Abrasax in Jupiter Ascending, and of course, Balem Abrasax is Latin for Satan’s Anal Wart. A few weeks ago, in an interview with GQ, Redmayne finally spoke about that performance and conceded that it was not good. We would have covered it then, but the server kept rejecting the post, so we had to wait until now, during a server upgrade, because some of the security features have temporarily been disabled (such as the one that protects the site against evil demons).

You can watch it at the 7:28 mark:

I understand that many of you choose not to watch the clip because, for about 27 percent of the population, Eddie Redmayne videos are like the monster in Bird Box — if you look at it, you’ll be forced to violently end your own life. For those of you who suffer from the Redmayne affliction, here’s what Redmayne said, after describing himself as marmite — something that you either love or you hate.

People seem to either enjoy what I do or loathe what I do, and for those people that loathe what I do, Jupiter Ascending tends to be their favorite of my performances. I won a prize for it for the worst performance of the year, so yeah it was a pretty bad performance on all accounts. His larynx had been ripped out by this wolf man, so I made this slightly bold choice—which I thought was right—of talking like this for the whole film, which I felt suited the costumes and the extremity of the world. But in retrospect it may have been too much? But I love the Wachowskis. I have never felt so free on set. Lana would just scream notes like, ‘Do it like an accountant!’ but my interpretation of that was to shout really loudly, which is very odd because I have a kind, gentle accountant.

He’s not entirely wrong. His accountant may present himself as kind and gentle, but internally, his organs scream whenever he’s in the same room with Redmayne.


Redmayne will soon begin work on Darren Aronofsky’s The Good Nurse, in which he will play Charlie Cullen, a nurse who is regarded as one of the most prolific serial killers in history. Fittingly, Cullen is nicknamed the “Angel of Death.”

via Collider

Header Image Source: Warner Brothers