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How The Kent State Gun Girl Saved Christmas

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 27, 2018 |

By Mike Redmond | Politics | December 27, 2018 |


Meet Kaitlin Bennett, more commonly known as “The Kent State Gun Girl” thanks to her freedom-loving brain-smarts that told her this graduation photo would be an awesome idea. And, yes, this happened at that Kent State.

Like most right-wing morons who have voluminous wet dreams about gunning down American troops and/or blue lives — Who do you think will come for your guns? The goddamn mailman? — Kaitlin has no idea how anything works. (See: Bringing a f**king gun to Kent State.)

From CBS News:

Bennett said in a tweet that now that she has graduated, she is allowed to carry a gun on campus. However, Kent State’s policy regarding deadly weapons states “Students, staff, faculty, and third parties doing business with the university are further prohibited from possessing, storing, or using a deadly weapon while outside on university grounds, that is owned, operated or leased by the university.”

But by that point, Kaitlin was already social media famous thanks to our garbage-ass timeline, and she began using her newfound fame to make such powerful political statements as “Hey, watch me shoot my butthole off to protest trans right.”

Needless to say, gross racists gobble her shit up, so it behooves Kaitlin to up the ante, which she did this week by saving Christmas from some piece of cardboard in a mud pit. It’s a miracle!

If you’re wondering what heinous crime that piece of cardboard committed because Kaitlin doesn’t know how to check the box for HD video and yet is allowed to own deadly firearms, here’s what that corrugated bastard tried to do and clearly deserved to die for it.

I don’t know about you, but if my children saw a poorly written sign that read “Happy Holidays,” I’d probably rethink my decision to keep loaded weapons in the house because it’s only a matter of time until these easily-recycled pieces of shit are getting our women pregnant. No one wants to say it out loud, but we’re all thinking it.

Fortunately, Kaitlin understands the true meaning of Christmas, and it is honoring the birth of our Savior by pouring bullets into a stocking, with her unwed boobs out.

I’m no gun expert, but are you supposed to store live ammunition in front of the fireplace in a highly flammable sock? Actually, don’t answer that. Let Bullseye Becky tell her followers that’s a great idea. The best, actually. God, it owns us libs so bad that I’m just gonna go ahead and take a nap.

She got us right in the soy!

Mike is a Staff Contributor living in Pennsyltucky. You can follow him on Twitter.

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