Meghan Markle has apparently headed back to the land of the free and the home of the super-size, partly in order to attend a baby shower in New York for her first-born child, due in April. The details are a little hazy on when and where this shower took place, per People.com (if it hasn’t taken place already) but I know in my heart that while her friends love her and will give her nice baby shower presents, none of them will supply her with the perfect one.
How do I know this, am I part of Meghan’s inner circle of friends?
No, of course not. Meghan and I haven’t been cool since 2015 when we had that drunken game of Pictionary turn south. No, I know this because most people miss out on giving the perfect baby shower present because they simply don’t understand why you’re having a child.
Look, I’m no parent, but unlike other single people, I know you only have a child so that you can enter it into child beauty pageants, which I’ve already let you know is the sole purpose of the Sussexes having a kid, too.
So what do you get a newborn so that it can enter into the pageant circuit right away?
A baby wig, of course. We all know judges aren’t looking to award a bald baby any sort of title, so you get a wig so that as soon as you have a child, on to the circuit they go.
I mean, duh.
I can all but guarantee you a baby wig is not part of the presents that Meghan’s shower will yield.
Now, sure, you’re probably rolling your eyes and waiting to jump in to tell me that the point of the shower is for Meghan and her friends to come together.
You’re simply wrong on that point, and it’s not worth me getting into why, but just know that, please.
Anyway, if you want to get into Meghan’s good graces and have a line on a good baby wig to send her, I’m sure it would be appreciated. Who knows, you may even get invited to join her inner circle. Just don’t drink and play Pictionary with her. Bad things happen when you do.
Header Image Source: USA Network