Do y’all remember that, between around 2005 and 2008, Owen Wilson — star of Wedding Crashers and, um, The Internship — was best known on the Internet as The Butterscotch Stallion, and Owen Wilson was known as The Butterscotch Stallion for exactly the reasons you think? It all stemmed from a blind item about a celebrity who licked his date’s butthole for two hours. Owen Wilson later admitted that he was the subject of the blind item. In 2019, it all feels very kink-shame-y, but in the mid-aughts, it just kind of became Owen Wilson’s name. Like, Jennifer Lopez is J.Lo; Owen Wilson was the Butterscotch Stallion. It was used online so often that the origin of the nickname kind of got lost, like how everyone forgets that John Wayne was called The Duke because he could destroy a bathroom.*
Anyway, I bring this up because Owen Wilson was trending on Google today, and my first thought was, “Owen Wilson? The Butterscotch Stallion? Why?” Look, I haven’t followed Owen Wilson’s private life since … never. I know that he dated Sheryl Crow way back in the day. And that he dated Kate Hudson for a few years around Marley & Me. (Also, Gina Gershon for two years!) But after that, Owen Wilson kind of fell off my radar.
But that’s also when Owen Wilson’s dating life got really interesting, because after he dated a model named Le Call (who was once involved in a lawsuit in which she was sued after borrowing an umbrella that cost $1,000), he dated Jade Duell for two years. She was a government official of some sort. She gave birth to Owen Wilson’s first son, Robert Ford Wilson.
And then they broke up. Then for two years, Wilson dated his personal trainer, Caroline Lindqvist, who was married, which didn’t stop her from having Owen Wilson’s second child. Lindqvist hid her pregnancy from her husband until they divorced. Lindqvist and Wilson’s baby, Finn, was born in 2014.
Since then, Lindqvist and Wilson have dated off and on. In the meantime, he also dated Scarlett Benchley, an actress who is currently pregnant, but not with Wilson’s child. However, Wilson did have another child with his next girlfriend, Varunie Vongsvirates.
Adorable, right? Here’s the twist: Owen Wilson has never met this daughter, whose name is Lyla Wilson. However, Owen Wilson does provide the mother, Varunie Vongsvirates, with $35,000 a month in child support, even though he has never met his daughter.
How does Owen Wilson afford $435,000 a year in child support, plus whatever child support he pays for his other two children, whose mothers he is not in a relationship with? Apparently, Owen Wilson is worth between $70 and $100 million and owns a lot of real estate, because there was apparently a lot of cheddar in those Little Fockers movies. In fact, Wilson once bought a house in Santa Monica, then bought the house next door, and demolished it so he could have a bigger lawn. That’s f**k you money.
All of which is to say: I learned a lot today about an actor I haven’t thought about in years.
(*that is not true, I just made that up).
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