film / tv / politics / social media / lists celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb

GettyImages-2170923394.jpg

Noted Absentee Father Elon Musk Offers His Rancid Seed To Taylor Swift

By Andrew Sanford | Celebrity | September 11, 2024 |

By Andrew Sanford | Celebrity | September 11, 2024 |


GettyImages-2170923394.jpg

Comedy is hard! People spend decades working on jokes and delivery. They change things based on their audience. There also needs to be an acknowledgment that there is a right place and time for jokes. It isn’t just comedians who keep these things in mind. Chances are you know someone who is a teacher, cashier, or auto mechanic and they are naturally funny. They talk to people constantly and have learned when and when not to be funny. But some people are so removed from reality that they are not only unfunny but also offensive and arrogant. They have terrible timing, only want to make themselves laugh, and their name is Elon Musk.

Musk has become everyone’s least favorite billionaire, which is saying something. Two of the Koch brothers are still alive. Mark Zuckerberg is out here trying to force virtual reality and Dan Bongino on people. Jeff Bezos has resting “I want to watch you piss in a bottle because you have no choice” face. The competition is stiff! Still, the owner of the website that everyone still calls Twitter has gone out of his way to make himself more and more despicable by the day.

The tech billionaire exploded onto the scene when he used his father’s emerald mine money to purchase an electric car company called Tesla. He marketed himself to left-wing folks concerned about climate change as a savior who would get people to Mars after he saved the planet with electric cars. The man presented himself as a celebrity of sorts, soaking in adulation and praise that even bought him s***ty cameos on The Simpsons and Iron Man 2. Then, Elizabeth Warren called him out for being a freeloader propped up by tax money (true) and he took off his mask.

The man has always been s***ty, as we have learned from his daughter. He just used to be better at hiding it. However, the unfunny “inventor” has taken pages out of Donald Trump’s playbook in the last several years. He has leaned into his bigotry, racism, and “anti-wokeness” to appeal to right-wing lunatics. After purchasing Twitter for $44 billion, Musk has turned it into a hate-filled hellscape filled with vitriol, un-repentant (and encouraged) racism, and his right-wing propaganda, including, but not limited to, accusing Joe Biden of flying in thousands of immigrants to vote illegally. It has also become home to his very bad jokes.

Like most people who are bad at it, Elon Musk loves making “jokes.” He announced his purchase of Twitter by carrying a sink into the building and typing “Let that sink in.” Billionaires shouldn’t exist, that’s obvious. What’s even more obvious is that no man as unfunny and hateful as this should have the kind of power and influence he does. Pandering to jackasses has worked. Conservatives have embraced him with gusto. The people who were once against electric cars (and still are) are buying Cybertrucks.

A feature of the far-right’s love affair with Musk has been the billionaire fighting their nonsense culture wars. Musk has almost 200 million followers on Twitter. He uses that following to rally against the “woke mind virus.” Notably, he publicly accused Olympic Champion Imane Khelif of being a man, something he will hopefully face consequences for. He pushes Trump and the GOP’s talking points. And now, he has offered to impregnate music superstar Taylor Swift.

Swift announced her support of Kamala Harris after last night’s presidential debate. This is a huge boon for Democrats. You can tell because members of the GOP are being super chill about it. Trump claimed that the endorsement would hurt Swift in the “marketplace” (sure, Jan). Meanwhile, Musk Tweeted the following bit of offensive nonsense: “Fine Taylor … you win … I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life.” I’d say this is a joke, but that’s what happens when you’re bad at telling jokes! This is, at best, not a joke and at worst, an arrogant man’s attempt to flirt with someone infinitely more popular than him.

Elon Musk has 12 children (as far as we are aware). I feel comfortable calling him an absentee father because it would be impossible to give all of his children adequate attention while running two billion-dollar companies and posting stupid memes at all hours of the night. We have also heard, from his daughter, how bad of a father he is. So, if he is not joking, this has to be one of the worst pitches I have ever read (and I’ve seen some doozies).

If he is joking, he’s (ideally) helping the GOP alienate female voters. Beyond people’s love for Taylor Swift, joking about impregnating a woman who does not want you is a dumb f***ing move when the overturning of Roe v Wade is fresh on people’s minds. Musk did more to prove that he and his ilk are weirdos in one tweet than JD Vance did in five minutes at a donut shop. Elon fits right in with all these s***heads and is two hours removed from posting an AI picture of him, Swift, and their imaginary kids.

The right has embraced Musk because big, stupid personalities are all they have left. There is no policy. They do not want to help people. They want people like Musk to get richer while they laugh about fighting unionization. It is nothing but unjust praise for mediocre men who have had everything handed to them and their awful, terrible, no-good misogynistic “jokes.”