While looking like a chair in Barbie’s Dreamhouse that just realized these packets aren’t the Stevia she specifically asked for, Meghan McCain used her thankfully limited Moments of Squawk© to weigh in on the electability of Democratic candidates. While every panel member whose lineage can’t be traced to John McCain’s testicles had insightful comments to make, Meghan decided to dredge up the time Charlamagne tha God called Elizabeth Warren the “original Rachel Dolezal” back in May. Because if there’s anyone who totally listens to The Breakfast Club, it’s a translucent beer heiress whose mom cries “child trafficking” every time she sees an interracial family at the airport.
But before we get into this, here’s how these Meghan McCain columns slash unabashed love letters that will forever be my lasting shame usually come together: Because my life is a rich menagerie of trying to be a weird recluse who somehow has a family, I don’t have a lot of time during the day to watch whole-ass episodes of The View. Plus, I would’ve been dead months ago. So it always helps when The Daily Beast, Raw Story, and sometimes Splinter have already teed up the low-hanging Meghan fruit.
That didn’t happen today.
What happened today is I had to sit through this clip and do that thing where you pause every two seconds because what you’re hearing is goddamn nails on a chalkboard. I’m talking as soon as Meghan said the words “Breakfast Club,” I knew exactly where this was going. It was classic Meghan minus calling Joy Behar a bitch. Really surprised she didn’t work that in there.
Right off the bat, the Rachel Dolezal comparison is some highfalutin horsesh*t. I know in recent years there’s been a very dull roar of a movement to paint her in a more sympathetic light, but I covered that ordeal when it broke back in 2015 and people really forget the massive trail of receipts that blew up in her face. (Here’s an archived version of my original report on The Superficial. Warning: Hope you like boobs.) At best, Dolezal was a pathological liar. At worst, she was a goddamn con artist. Absolutely nothing she did is comparable to Warren’s minor gaffe about her family heritage. Was it a stupid white people thing? For sure. God knows I heard similar stories about how my grandfather was part Cherokee even though his family tree is shaped like a question mark thanks to being the son of a logging camp prostitute who somehow ended up being adopted by his actual father. How did they know it was his real dad without the existence of DNA tests? Yeah…
Anyway, my point is that the Native American snafu is a dumb generational thing, where Elizabeth Warren’s only mistake was trusting her parents. Once she realized she’d inadvertently stepped in it, Warren did her best to make the situation right. Granted, the DNA test was an awkward move; she wasn’t doubling down on the situation or refusing to apologize like her male counterparts. She straight up admits it was wrong! And in the grand scheme of things, it’s extremely telling that this is the only stick her opponents have to beat her with. Christ, Bernie cultists f*cking hate identity politics — which makes sense considering their Trumpian Socialist Jesus thinks Warren is only outpolling him because she’s a woman — but they bring up the Native American thing every chance they get. That’ll teach her to not be Bernie!
Except here’s the thing that Meghan stumbled upon by accident because I guarantee the sole purpose of her bringing up the Rachel Dolezal anecdote was to take Warren out at the knees. (Never forget that Meghan is a “hardcore conservative.”) While Meghan predicted that Pocahontas attacks are all you’re going to see if Warren wins the nomination, Joy brought up the fact that Joe Biden is a goddamn gaffe machine. I mean, sh*t, he just had defended working with racists barely two days ago. Every time the guy puts his foot on the ground, he’s stepping on a rake. And, yet, none of it sticks because it’s expected of him. “That’s just Crazy Joe! Haha, what’re you going to do?”
Meanwhile, Elizabeth Warren is out here barnstorming West Virginia with specific policy plans for every topic under the sun, and she still can’t shake off believing an old-timey story about how her family has Cherokee blood. If that’s the issue that brings down the best progressive candidate with an actual shot at the White House — Read: Bernie would’ve lost in 2016. Hard. — that’s some patriarchal pig sh*t. So, of course, someone who defines herself entirely by her father’s name is rolling around in it.
Header Image Source: The View/YouTube