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Kim Kardashian is a Goddamn Parenting Pro

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | April 6, 2016 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | April 6, 2016 |

Four years ago, Peaches Geldof was on her phone while walking with her baby in a stroller, and that baby fell out of her stroller and Peaches Geldof continued to talk on her phone instead of putting down her goddamn phone and focusing on the helpless baby on the sidewalk. She would later to take to Twitter and blame the mayor of London because there were cracks in the sidewalk.

Yes, really.

I remember our commenters going ballistic at the time, mostly because the name of Peaches Geldof’s baby was Astala.

But it’s four years later now, and I’m four years wiser (by which, I mean, I’ve been beaten down by another four years of child rearing), so when I saw this Instagram of Kim Kardashian ignoring her child in favor of her phone as her child fell down at her feet, I shrugged, even as the tabloids reacted with faux OUTRAGE.

I don’t know what Kim Kardashian was looking at on her phone — topless photos of herself, maybe — but I ain’t mad, because 1) Is the child screaming? No. Then there’s no need to look up from her phone. 2) If the child was screaming, that means the child is alive, and children are resilient and he’ll be OK. No need to look up from her phone. 3) Her sister is right there. That’s what sisters are for! Picking up your children while you look at your phone. GAWD.

I mean, it’s not like the baby fell down a flight of stairs or off a first floor balcony. He stumbled from his feet onto the floor. Was the floor covered in razor blades? No. He’s all right, you guys. Nori shouldn’t have been playing with those damn tassels anyway.

What I’m saying is: That’s not “bad” parenting. That’s “veteran” parenting.

“And no, North. You don’t get a Band-Aid for falling. Band-Aids don’t make you feel better. They stop the bleeding. You’re not bleeding, and Band-Aids aren’t stickers. Now stop twirling the tassels around your neck, mommy is trying to play Monosyllables with Friends on her phone. “