Jennifer Aniston is No Longer Friends With Chelsea Handler?!

As the resident Anistonologist at Pajiba, it is my solemn duty to give you any news related to Jennifer Aniston, down to the minutia—and friends, I failed you. See, it has come to light that Chelsea Handler and Jennifer Aniston are no longer good friends, and haven’t been for some time.

I have no idea how I missed this. Perhaps it’s because Aniston isn’t in the habit of letting us know when her friendships end via a collage and neon font pronouncing it so, like what happened with Mudasir (who, to be fair, needed a friend breakup to help him set his priorities in order.)

No, friends, I found out Aniston and Handler aren’t going to be sharing a “Best Friends” two-sides of a heart necklace anytime soon, because a source close to Handler has told Ok Magazine that if you’re looking for reasons why Chelsea and Jen aren’t on girls-trips-vacation terms anymore, you won’t find out about it in Handler’s new book. (Also, apparently Chelsea Handler has a new book out, but I’m not on the Handler beat here, so don’t blame me if you didn’t know about it.)

No, according to Rob Shuter, who has a podcast on Radar online, so you know he’s legit—Chelsea ain’t talking. Per OK:

“Chelsea paints herself as someone that tells it as it is, which she mostly is, except on the subject of why she and Jennifer Aniston had such a nasty falling out,” sources told Shuter.

The comedian is promoting her sixth book, Life Will Be The Death of Me… And You Too!, and while fans expect to hear every graphic detail about her wild life, Aniston, 50, will not be mentioned.

Sometimes friends fall out—that’s just a part of life. Although I will admit I’m curious why Chelsea and Jen are no longer super close—but I guess I won’t be getting answers anytime soon, no thanks in part to Chelsea Handler having appropriate personal boundaries. Thanks, Chelsea. (This is doubly bad news for you too, friends, because the divination octopus I go to is booked up solid for the next six weeks. Summer is their busy season. Don’t ask me why.)

My 6-weeks out future-foreseeing octopus appointment may be for naught, though. It appears that some of the ice between Jen and Chelsea may be thawing—Chelsea was invited to Jen’s 50th birthday party in February. Is this a sign? Or was everyone but me invited to this thing? I think I’ll keep my octopus appointment after all. We all need answers one way or another.