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James Franco Writes Sh*tty Poems About Other Celebrities

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 23, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | September 23, 2014 |

James Franco — who attends college; acts in movies, television shows, and on the stage; makes weird music videos; blogs; scams on 17 year olds; and probably volunteers at the local fire department and moonlights as a barista i— is also a poet. A shitty poet, but a poet nevertheless.

Franco has a book coming out this week featuring those poems called Hollywood Dreaming: Stories, Pictures and Poems. Based on some of the samples made available on E!, Franco is also a terrible poet.

Here’s “The Voice of Lindsay Lohan,” a poem told from Lohan’s perspective:

“I took James back to the bathroom.”

“You know why Amy put mirrors all around in here?”


“So you can watch yourself f—k”

“He didn’t f—k me, that shit.”

That’s less a poem, and more a conversation.

He writes a lot about Sean Penn.

Here’s one poem:

“In Milk, you were such/ A fine homo. And when/ You and I kissed/ On Castro Street, it was for a full minute./ Your beard was like my father’s.”

That’s not a poem! That’s a sentence broken into stanzas. Here’s another:

“You were an angry young man / And you’re an angry old man.”

Look out, Robert Frost!

This one is about the late Elizabeth Taylor.

“Poor Monty, he became a shadow./ A slouched figure in too-big pants / You got big and drunk and weird / You went on General Hospital.”

You can buy Franco’s book today. I probably wouldn’t, if I were you.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.