I really, really, really don’t despise Gwyneth Paltrow. I do think she’s got a healthy ego, and might be just little out of touch. Her latest claim is that her
divorce conscious uncoupling from Chris Martin “broke the internet,” and I’m not even going to bother with that — I’ll let y’all sort it out. Instead, I just want to share some items from the annual Goop gift guide, a sort of peek into the celebrity holiday world. Since Paltrow seems to want to deemphasize her site’s “high-end” image,
“We sell what we love and what we are looking for and we want to buy, and that might be a Stella McCartney skirt that’s on the higher end of the price point range. It might be an $8 lip balm — it might be a $15 t-shirt. If people have that [high end] stigma attached to the site, it’s not actually accurate.”
please don’t get your genitals in an uproar if you see something out of your price range (and if those private parts do become flustered, you can always go for a nice vagina steam); there’s sure to be something affordable among the gold juicers and the monogramed slippers. Check your coochie chakras, and dive right in.
Ridiculous and Awesome Gifts: Orpheus Headphones, $55,000.00
These must be for RDJ, because what the hell else can you give Iron Man?
Survival Kit, $12,500.00
I guess the wealthy need more to “survive” than a pop-up and a can of beans?
YOUR OWN PERSONAL VAGINA STEAMER, $55.00
For those days when you just can’t bear the thought of dragging your vajayjay out to be set straight.
For the One and Only: Custom Photo of Your Memorabilia (aka a picture of your stuffed bunny), $1,200 - 2,200
Couldn’t I just look at the bunny?
Saint Laurent Monogrammed “Trolley,” #3,900.00
I presume this takes me straight to Hogwarts.
Monogrammed Cookie, $4.25
Okay, but I really don’t need my initials, just a coupla chocolate chips.
For the Centered Soul: Incense Burner, $820.00
You may need re-centering after hearing how much that incense burner cost.
Freud Notebook, $7.50
Your dream of something inexpensive — answered!
For the Dudes (Are you sure?): Washbag, $440.00
I don’t know what exactly you guys are supposed to wash in that thing, but it’s about the price of an electric washer, so…
Good luck if you give your “dude” this, he may not know what to do with it.
Electronic Basketball Game, $22.00
For the Entertainer: Malle W. Trousseau Kitchen Set, $5,800.00
I don’t know anyone who entertains and needs an entire kitchen in a box; ymmv.
Caviar, $275.00 - $550.00
Celebrities: They’re just like us!
For the Littles: Personal Mobility Device, $989.00
This thing’s actually pretty cool, but I’ll be damned if my kid’s getting it.
Karaoke Machine, $229.00
For your little DJ.
Beyonce X Flash Tattoos, $28.00
Gotta plug (don’t turn this ugly, people) your pals, I suppose.
All in all, I think Goop showed some restraint this year; cheers all around? Her Office Secret Santa list is actually not too bad, with all the items in under $50.00. Considering who her work pals are, that’s downright frugal. We’ll just have to try to forget about that home steamer thing.
Oh, and this $90,000. Space Exploration gift suggestion.
Happy Goopidays, y’all!