Among the revelations uncovered by the Sony hacking North Korea may or may not be behind, are a bunch of random aliases that actors use when they don’t want to be recognized. Most of these aren’t terribly creative, nor do they seem worthy of their owners. If there’s anything good to come out of all this, it’s that the actors have to come up with new secret identities. Maybe we can help?
Tom Hanks, aliases “Johnny Madrid” and “Harry Lauder”
“Johnny Madrid” is a way cool secret identity, but maybe we should tone things down. I’m thinking “Mr. Wilson Phillips.” Everyone will think Tom is William Baldwin, and nobody’s looking for him.
Natalie Portman, alias “Lauren Brown”
Obviously if you’re going to be a color, you should choose a Clue alias. And because Madeline Kahn’s the best, go with “Mrs. White.”
Jude Law, alias “Mr. Perry”
Let’s go with a combination of two of his roles that together, sound like the dullest man alive: Alfie Greenleaf.
Taye Diggs, alias “Scott Diggs” (his real name)
Since we still can’t believe he and Idina broke up, I’m going with a Frozen/Snow Queen related alias: “Kai Snow.”
Sarah Michelle Gellar, alias “Neely O’Hara” (Valley of the Dolls)
Let’s switch from Valley of the Dolls to Whedon’s Dollhouse; “Caroline Sierra.”
Clive Owen, alias “Robert Fenton” (wife’s surname is Fenton)
I’ve got nothing, guys. Help me out.
Daniel Craig, alias “Olwen Williams”
Craig’s secret code name isn’t terribly sneaky; his grandfather’s name is Olwyn Williams. Since scruffy Craig is positively delicious, “Mr. Whiskers” it is.
Rob Schneider, alias “Nazzo Good”
a good…apt. He should just keep it.