No one watched Eaten Alive, right? I mean, apparently 4 million people did watch it, but that could have just been tv’s on in the background during dinner or something. Maybe it’s my cynical, jaded side, but I just never thought it was a thing. This guy wasn’t going to be swallowed by a snake anymore than screeching women with giant hair are “Real” or “Housewives.” I just figured everyone would check it out on the internet the next day. “Hey, did that guy get inside the snake?” “Nah, he just got hugged super hard for like 15 minutes.”
But turns out, joke was on me. A tv show called Eaten Alive which was promoted as being about a man putting on a special suit to prevent his death while being eaten by a giant snake wasn’t ever about being eaten by a snake. It was about the rain forest, stupid. Or at least that’s what Dude Who Wasn’t Eaten By a Snake would have us believe.
If you say so, DWWEBAS. But when you try to pitch your next show I Literally Live Inside a Whale Just Like Jonah For Real and it turns out to be about water conservation, you’ll understand if we don’t get excited.