Dave Grohl Is Just Another Rockstar (And That Sucks)

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | September 17, 2024 |

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | September 17, 2024 |

The news that a rockstar cheated on his wife should be about as surprising as discovering the sun sets in the evening. Musicians have a track record for infidelity and homewrecking that easily outdoes conservative politicians and reality TV stars. Nobody is shocked to hear that a guy who’s worshipped on stage every night like a god has a wandering eye. Yet when Dave Grohl posted on his Instagram page that he had recently become a father with someone who wasn’t Jordyn Blum, his wife of 23 years, there was a genuine sense of surprise in the air. “We just didn’t expect it from him,” people said. How could the Nicest Guy in Rock (trademark pending) do this? The family man of the genre, the comforting uncle to a younger generation, who seemed so dedicated to his loved ones, is just like everyone else in his field?

The memes have been entertaining even as the story itself feels unbearably sad and messy. Grohl’s adult daughters have deleted their social media accounts following the news and rumours swirl that divorce lawyers have already been called in. Fan responses have been mixed, although it’s undeniable that there’s a real kind of disappointment in the ether, as if we collectively expected Grohl of all people to do better. Older Foo Fighters and Nirvana fans are more cognisant of his pre-marriage horndog reputation, and that his first wife divorced him due to his confessed infidelities. Still, Grohl has been active over the past decade or so in building a Nice reputation for himself as the guy everyone likes in an industry full of a*seholes. That’s why the news felt more shocking than had, say, a member of the Rolling Stones gotten someone pregnant who wasn’t their wife (those guys are still having kids into their 70s and 80s: it could happen again!)

But there are some narratives forming that I think are flat-out wrong. The phrase ‘wife guy’ has come up a lot in regards to Grohl, describing him as someone who defined himself largely as the cheerleader of Jordyn. That term comes up a lot in cheating scandals because we’re used to seeing men who make a loud point of being proud husbands suddenly leap into someone else’s bed. When Ned Fulmer, formerly of the Try Guys, got caught cheating on his wife Ariel with one of his employees, it was shocking because being a wife guy was his entire personality. John Mulaney leaving his wife amid his addiction struggles hit way too many of his fans in a personal way as he carved a lot of his best stand-up material out of being the supporting character to Annemarie Tendler. Grohl, however, never did that.

This narrative has stuck around because it’s a convenient one. It’s simpler to imagine Grohl as betraying his own image when we view him in tropey terms. He’s the Nice Guy, the Family Guy, the Funny Guy. He drums with the Muppets, he trolls homophobes, his music videos are often silly. His daughter sings on tour with them. Everyone likes the Foo Fighters, from teens to parents to rock purists. He was Safe to Like in an era where every famous man disappointed us. Ha. There’s the trap right there.

The classic allure of the rockstar isn’t one we’re especially beholden to in 2024. Rock is not a dominant genre on the charts, with bands like the Foo Fighters and Coldplay being the rare exceptions who can sell as big as the major popstars. We like extravagant stage performances and charismatic singers, but the people leading our desires over the past few years have mostly been pop performers, and women at that: it’s Beyoncé, Taylor, Pink, and in 2024, figures like Chappell Roan, Charli XCX and Sabrina Carpenter. With the men, it’s skewed more rap/RnB (Drake, Kendrick, Bad Bunny) or country (Morgan Wallen, Luke Combs.) The Spotify generation isn’t as beholden to genres as record buyers of the past but the lines are still clear.

It’s also the mythos that holds less power. I’m not sure we’re so impressed with hard-drinking, hard-partying dudes with guitars who pick up a different woman every night. Hell, Grohl was part of the band that helped to kill the hair metal lothario era with Nirvana, who were very serious and felt far more high stakes than, for example, Motley Crue. Grohl didn’t spend the ’90s and 2000s being that kind of rocker, at least not in public. He did comedy skits and talk shows. He talked about his past mistakes and seemed to have learned from them. We like growth.

We also just like it when our rockstars calm the f*ck down in their elder statesman years. It’s more tragic and tiresome when these guys keep being creeps and troublemakers well past the zeniths of their careers. Perry Farrell punching Dave Navarro on-stage last week was kinda sad, right? Even Navarro, a man who’s no stranger to drama, seemed weary with the whole endeavour, and he was the one whose face got beaten. There’s something undeniably wholesome about, say, Rob Zombie supporting Babymetal and making films with his wife, or Corey Taylor appearing on QI because it shows maturity and a sense of humour, but it’s also a bit of a relief. They survived the drugs, the hangers-on, the sheer backbreaking stress of touring, and now they’re chilling out. A huge chunk of rock musicians never get to that stage. This is not to conflate addiction or mental health struggles with cheating on your wife, of course (and lord knows that rockstars have faced far worse crimes over the decades, some of which they’re only facing accountability for decades later.) It’s more that being able to grow up is a privilege and it sucks when someone seems stuck in a state of arrested development.

I think one of the reasons the Grohl news hits some fans so hard is that it’s such an abysmal f*cking cliché. Oh, you’re a rockstar in your 50s and you’re having another kid with someone who isn’t your wife? Ground-breaking. You could have done anything and this is what you chose? It’s a mistake to ever latch onto a celebrity and think they’re ‘not like the others.’ But it still stings when it’s revealed that yes, they really are like everyone else.

Yes, we’ve been through all of this so many times before. We still get burned whenever we see a celebrity letting us down in the myriad ways that humanity f*cks up. At the centre of this story are a lot of heartbroken people, and a baby who I hope will never be thrust into the public eye. The aftershocks of celebrity cruelty and misconduct are often far harsher than the impact itself. Despite it all, we keep hoping for an exception to the rule. It’s tough to live with the knowledge that not only will every celebrity let you down eventually, but many of them will abuse and grandstand with impunity because the system will excuse or forgive them regardless. But we do it because living in a constant state of nihilism and zero expectations is exhausting and incompatible with human happiness. Is there a way to be realistic but optimistic with how we approach being fans of the rich, famous, and seemingly untouchable? If there is, we’ve yet to fully embrace it. Until then, we just have to hope that Dave Grohl keeps it in his trousers, and the women in his life find peace. He’ll have to find a new image to craft for himself going forward. The last one no longer works.