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Cats Robbie Fairchild.png

Wait, There Are Also Weird Nipples in the Butthole cut of 'Cats'?!

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | July 6, 2021 |

By Kayleigh Donaldson | Celebrity | July 6, 2021 |


Cats Robbie Fairchild.png

Remember Cats? We may prefer to think of the big-screen adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical as some sort of pre-pandemic fever dream that signaled the beginning of the end times, but I assure you, it did indeed happen. There was a real movie featuring CGI cat-people who danced en pointe. We did genuinely see Dame Judi Dench scissor the air with glee after listening to Ian McKellen talk about how sad his life is. Yes, Taylor Swift did instigate a catnip f**k orgy. It ALL happened.

While Tom Hooper languishes in director jail — hopefully permanently — we perform the feline autopsy of this movie. Cats has long since secured its status as a midnight movie favorite — well, it will once we get back into the cinemas en masse and are allowed to fling kitty litter at the screen — but so many questions remain. Like, why? And how? And isn’t it totally unfair that all the buses in my city have removed the sun-bleached Cats posters that have adorned them since before the pandemic? And, of course, where is the Butthole Cut?

For those of you who read that sentence and wondered if there is a God, let me explain. The Butthole Cut was an initial cut of Cats described by a crew member who worked on the film’s CGI. They claimed that, during the initial VFX process, the stars’ skin and fur had been ‘groomed or just folded in a way that really REALLY looked like very furry lady genitals and buttholes by accident.’ They were quickly removed and we were left with the version of Cats where everyone is wholly smooth down there. But all the women still have mounds to show where the human breasts would go. To quote Joan Didion, it made about as much sense as anything else. Yes, she was talking about buttholes when she wrote The White Album.

But wait, there’s more! Robbie Fairchild, the ballet dancer who played Munkustrap in the movie, says there were more than just buttholes! He told Page Six that he saw the Butthole Cut and that, ‘It was my favorite thing in the world. They gave me eight nipples. They were like radioactive pink.’

NIPPLES! GLOWING PINK CAT NIPPLES AND BUTTHOLES!

Christ, even David Cronenberg would have found it a bit much.

In fairness, I’m about 70% sure that Fairchild is joking because I’ve never heard a whisper of a Nipple Cut (super unfortunate combination of words there.) But now that he’s merely mentioned it, it’ll be all you can think about today. Just let it linger in your mind, the image of James Corden as a gluttonous posh cat who gorges himself on chicken legs while champagne soaks his fur and drenches his luminous nipples.

Hey, if I have to think about it, so do you.

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Kayleigh is a features writer and editor for Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter or listen to her podcast, The Hollywood Read.



Header Image Source: YouTube // Universal