Breaking News Alert: Travis Kelce Unfollowed Ryan Reynolds

We live in a truly majestic celebrity ecosystem where unfollowing someone on social media is now treated like a major diplomatic incident. Unfollowing someone apparently means something now, so when Travis Kelce stopped following Ryan Reynolds (at some completely random and unknowable time — could’ve been yesterday, could’ve been during the Biden Administration), that’s major celebrity news worth writing this entire article about!

Obviously, the tabloid media — now basically Fox News in better clothes — is aligned with devil woman Megyn Kelly and has decided that this must be all about a supposed falling out between Taylor Swift and Blake Lively. Their airtight source? Some faceless, possibly imaginary, person who told The Daily Mail or TMZ six months ago that Swift didn’t want to get mixed up in the Baldoni mess. Page Six has been desperately milking that single, dusty quote ever since, because the Blake Lively PR team doesn’t give us anything to work with, and gossip is cheaper than therapy.

And now, because Travis Kelce unfollowed Ryan Reynolds, we’re supposed to believe he loathes Reynolds with the fiery intensity of a thousand exploding suns — because, sure, his girlfriend is maybe irritated with Blake Lively. That can be the only explanation for unfollowing Reynolds while still following Rob McElhenney and Jelly Roll.

Or, and stay with me here, maybe Travis unfollowed Ryan Reynolds because Reynolds’ Instagram feed is a never-ending corporate puke funnel, hawking Mint Mobile, Aviation Gin, Deadpool, his fake slap fights with Hugh Jackman, and his once-a-year “I’m still friends with Rob McElhenney!” birthday tribute. It’s not a social feed — it’s a goddamn shareholder meeting with memes.

You know who else unfollowed Ryan Reynolds? Me! And I actually like Ryan Reynolds — just not the synthetic, brand-optimized version of himself he’s selling on Instagram. I like the Ryan Reynolds who once told Betty White to “suck a hot c*ck.” But frankly, if Betty White were still alive today, she’d have unfollowed him too — probably after being offered a free month of Mint Mobile in exchange for her soul.