No, Seriously, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor Wants to Sue the Police

Today in Audacity: the man formerly known as Prince Andrew is taking legal action against Thames Valley Police over search warrants issued before his arrest in February.

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor is reportedly seeking to challenge “the lawfulness of search warrants used for Sandringham and at Royal Lodge in Windsor relating to his arrest,” according to the BBC. He was arrested earlier this year on suspicion of misconduct in public office, after details in the Epstein files appeared to show him sharing official documents with the sex criminal from his time as the UK’s trade envoy.

Thames Valley Police confirmed it faced a legal challenge over the search warrants: “We are engaged in legal proceedings in relation to warrants previously obtained from the Central Criminal Court.” A court hearing will be held on Thursday afternoon as part of the process to consider this bid to quash the warrants. This is the first public appearance of sorts made by the accused abuser since he was stripped of his royal titles. Well, there was also that hilarious photo of him in the back of the car after he was released from police custody.

For anyone wondering how he’s funding this legal battle given that he doesn’t have a job, his Navy pension is pitiful, and his mummy isn’t here to foot the bill, we’ve no idea. The BBC reported that Andy has ben told that the allowance given to him by his brother, the King, cannot be used to fund his legal action. Charles uses his “private money” (weird concept when you’re a royal but okay) to support Andrew while he lives in hiding in Sandringham and does, well, whatever it is he does all day. Apparently, he just plays golf and watches videos on YouTube, no joke. Still no news on where in the world Sarah Ferguson has disappeared to.

Do you know what would be a good thing to do right now? Abolish the monarchy.