Dear Jon Hamm’s penis,
I ‘ve heard you’re upset about the amount of attention being lavished upon you, and I’m so sorry to hear that. On behalf of the internet, we’re sorry. We all adore Jon Hamm, and would never want him to face the indignity of objectification.
I mean, how awful it must be for you both to feel as though the entire internet sees you as only a body part, ignoring the brain above and the soul within, diminishing you into a sexual object for our own giggles and lust. I can’t imagine what that would be like. I’m sure very few people truly can.
So, to you, Jon Hamm and Jon Hamm’s penis, I apologize for what you must have been going through. How dare we, the internet, focus only on these physical, private parts of your body. That must have been so embarrassing.