Friends, the kids aren’t alright. The youths have stepped out of line and a 35-year-old woman can only handle so much, and I’ve reached my limit. Some little f*ckers have taken to the internet to libel my beloved Jenny Lewis, she of Rilo Kiley, Fox Fire, and Troop Beverly Hills fame because they think she’s not good enough to open for Harry Styles, and I’m ready to f*cking burn this entire reality down to the studs.
Apparently, Jenny Lewis is the hill I die on, and I’m not alone here—
Kids complaining about Jenny Lewis opening for Harry Styles = kids booing Jimi Hendrix for an entire tour when he opened for the Monkees— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 10, 2020
absolutely losing my MIND seeing that jenny lewis is trending and it's because people are….mad about her opening for harry styles— rosemary donahue (@rosadona) March 11, 2020
LOSING MY MIND
By disrespecting queen Jenny Lewis you disrespect Harry Styles, as he has impeccable taste.— Kirbie “Baby Yoda Stan” Johnson (@kirbiejohnson) March 11, 2020
Any Jenny Lewis slander results in the ghost of Phyllis Nefler haunting you with bad credit and a terrible dye job for the rest of your lives.
stream Redbull and Hennessy!!! pic.twitter.com/4vV6L5Ddud
Have these little sh*ts not heard “Portion for Foxes,” one of the greatest songs of all time?!
Or “Smoke Detector,” a song I listen to a lot while I putter around my home??!
Or “Spectacular Views,” a song I played incessantly for most of my 20s when I wasn’t blaring “Portion for Foxes”!?!?!?!?
In fact, The Execution of All Things is a perfect album. Clearly Harry Styles agrees on some level because he asked Jenny Lewis to open for him. Jenny Lewis has been in the game a long f*cking time—much longer than Harry Styles has (or probably will be.) Some goddamned respect needs to be put on her name. So to those little sh*ts writing checks their butts can’t cash on the internet talking trash about my gal, I have a simple message—I will see you in hell.
To everyone else, enjoy the embarrassment of Jenny Lewis riches in this article.
Header Image Source: Getty