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The Weekend Box Office: When Women Take Over Mankind, I Hope They Kill Me Last

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | May 15, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Box Office Round-Ups | May 15, 2011 |

The big news this weekend was the over-performance of Kristen Wiig’s Bridesmaids, which put up $24.5 million and demonstrated — shockingly — that people of both genders will buy tickets to see a funny movie. Are you kidding me? Women have senses of humor? They laugh? How do they manage it with one hand on a hip and the other holding a frying pan? Nearly twenty-five million dollars? How many bras were burned this weekend? How many children were left unsupervised while selfish women enjoyed afternoon matinées? This is madness, people. Ladies can’t make funny comedies! What about their menstrual cycles? And how do they manage to write jokes with their breasts all up in the way. Who’s gonna make dinner if women are out cracking wise? Sex and the City we allowed because, thematically, it was about something men could get behind: Women be fucking. But laughing for the hell of it? Crazy. This weekend, a lot of men must have finally realized the difference between fake giggling and actual laughter. A lot of them were as surprised as I was to learn that, when women real laugh, they also break wind. And the sharting? Oh, the sharting. Theaters should’ve come equipped with nose plugs.

… Oh, please. I love how surprised everyone seems to be about the success of a comedy written and featuring mostly females, as though women just crawled out of caves and discovered Lenny Bruce. Nikki Finke’s take was the best: “I couldn’t believe that this is why generations of women fought the feminist revolution: to ensure we had the same opportunities to watch our sex make the same raunchy movie stuff as men.” And you know what I always say to Nikki Finke? Shut the fuck up, lady. It was one sequence in a movie littered with hilarious sequences, and it wasn’t even the funniest sequence. That, of course, was Kristen Wiig’s impression of a penis.

So now that a female comedy has made $25 million, the media is determined to spend the next week over-analyzing it, placing it in its proper context, and giving historical weight to it, probably while metaphorically patting women on the head. Here’s an idea. Let’s not. Let’s just enjoy it for what it is and next year, around this time, we can all look forward to the studio pitches along the lines of, “It’s like Bridesmaids for men!”

Meanwhile, lost in all this was the fact that Thor actually held on to the top spot because it, of course, appeals to boys, ages 12 - 60, of both genders. It added $34 million and another $6 million in slushee sales to bring it’s overall total to around $120 million. The few boys who didn’t see Thor finally got around to Fast Five, which added nearly another $20 million, increasing its lead as the year’s box office champion, so far. Somehow, there were still enough dumbass boys left over to see Priest, which opened at number four with a disappointing $14.5 million. If you’re curious ,Rio also added $8 million to surpass Rango as the second highest grossing film of the year, although Thor should pass them both by next weekend.

The other weekend debut, Will Ferrel’s Everything Must Go, which only opened in 250 theaters, didn’t do so hot, making only $825,000. Hopefully, it’ll perform better when it opens wider. Dan will have his review of it up this week.

Oh, and get this: At number 12, Insidious surpassed the $50 million mark this week, which ain’t bad for a film with a $1.5 million budget. Less exciting will be the 14 sequels it’ll be determined to spawn. On the year, Insidious, The Source Code ($52 million), and Lincoln Lawyer ($56 million) have to be considered the sleeper hits of 2011 so far.

Pajiba After Dark 5/15/11 | 2011 Upfronts - N ... B ... See-Ya Later Last Place?

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.