“You know what, Ryan. I talked to the other gay guys about it, and we all agreed, it’s OK for you to get married.”
Parks and Recreation (Grade: B+ (Episode) (F for Lack of Ron Swanson))
“She broke up with me. Didn’t really tell me why. Luckily when you’re the guy, you just tell everyone she’s crazy … that’s what they always do on ‘Entourage.’”
“Pawnee: Home of the World Famous Julia Roberts lawsuit.”
“Pawnee: First in friendliness, fourth in obesity.”
“Pawnee: Welcome Taliban soldiers.”
“Cool kids make the rules, they don’t break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules, they’re not really your friends.”
“If I had an hour long with Robert Pattinson, he’d forget all about Skinny Legs McGee. I tell you that much.”
“It is anti-Christian; it is pro-quivering.”
30 Rock (Grade: A- (Episode) A+ (LIz’s Pictures))
“If you don’t volumize my hair, I will choke you to death with your boyfriend’s wig.”
“Do you need sex advice? Here’s a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.”
“Actors deserve gifts. Without us, who would present awards to actors?”
“Michael Coors is a friend. We own a gay horse together, and I convinced him to make wizard cloaks fashionable for ladies this year.”
“That would never happen if men could get pregnant, which is the premise of my one-act play, The Seahorses of Warwickshire Abby.”
“Carmen’s very sneaky, and that’s not racist because I don’t know what ethnicity she is.”
“This is where we used to host retirement parties. The balcony below is probably still littered with stripper bones.”
“There’s no way I could be pregnant because I have had my period for the last 61 days.”
“What if there was a black bar on the lower half of your television that kept you from seeing things like nudity. Or soccer … or a woman stuffing a turkey?”
“I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny. And then you eat the bunny.” “Isn’t that just Easter?”
