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That's So Gay Balls

By Dustin Rowles | TV | February 4, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | TV | February 4, 2011 |

Community (Grade: A (Nerds); B+ (Non-Nerds))

  • “You’re the AT&T of people.”

  • “”And as they described themselves walking, Abed confirmed they walked.”

  • “You have … successfully rubbed your balls on the sword.”

  • “I’m sick of you threatening me and talking to me like a kid, and giving me that look you give me like I can’t get erections.”

  • “If that’s sarcasm, I can’t tell because everything in this game is silly.”

  • “Baste your chubby cheeks in tears of gravy.”

  • “Look. Before you respond, I can make it up to you. I’ll find a fatter Neal.”

    Perfect Couples (Grade: D (Show); B (Music Montage))

  • “”Perfect Couples” probably tested better for NBC than the original title, “Boring Pile of Shit Cliches.” Daniel Carlson

  • “You’re making me the nag which goes completely against my artistic temperament. I’m in real estate.

    The Office (Grade: (C- (first 21.5 minutes) B+ (last 30 seconds)

  • “You know what, Ryan. I talked to the other gay guys about it, and we all agreed, it’s OK for you to get married.”

    Parks and Recreation (Grade: B+ (Episode) (F for Lack of Ron Swanson))

  • “She broke up with me. Didn’t really tell me why. Luckily when you’re the guy, you just tell everyone she’s crazy … that’s what they always do on ‘Entourage.’”

  • “Pawnee: Home of the World Famous Julia Roberts lawsuit.”

  • “Pawnee: First in friendliness, fourth in obesity.”

  • “Pawnee: Welcome Taliban soldiers.”

  • “Cool kids make the rules, they don’t break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules, they’re not really your friends.”

  • “If I had an hour long with Robert Pattinson, he’d forget all about Skinny Legs McGee. I tell you that much.”

  • “It is anti-Christian; it is pro-quivering.”

    30 Rock (Grade: A- (Episode) A+ (LIz’s Pictures))

  • “If you don’t volumize my hair, I will choke you to death with your boyfriend’s wig.”

  • “Do you need sex advice? Here’s a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.”

  • “Actors deserve gifts. Without us, who would present awards to actors?”

  • “Michael Coors is a friend. We own a gay horse together, and I convinced him to make wizard cloaks fashionable for ladies this year.”

  • “That would never happen if men could get pregnant, which is the premise of my one-act play, The Seahorses of Warwickshire Abby.”

  • “Carmen’s very sneaky, and that’s not racist because I don’t know what ethnicity she is.”

  • “This is where we used to host retirement parties. The balcony below is probably still littered with stripper bones.”

  • “There’s no way I could be pregnant because I have had my period for the last 61 days.”

  • “What if there was a black bar on the lower half of your television that kept you from seeing things like nudity. Or soccer … or a woman stuffing a turkey?”

  • “I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny. And then you eat the bunny.” “Isn’t that just Easter?”

  • “Oh Jack, that’s so gay balls.”

    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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