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"Shove It Up Your Butt" and the Other 10 Best Lines from NBC's Thursday Night Lineup

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (26)

office_stanley.jpg

Community. B. A decent season opener, but not brilliant save for Abed’s “Cougar Town” subplot and the presence, alone, of Michael K. Williams and John Goodman. But, it was good to finally see Pierce redeemed. Here’s to a kindler, gentler more likable Pierce in season 3.

  • “It’s probably the monkey that lives in the vents. I named him ‘Annie’s Boobs.’ After Annie’s boobs.” — Troy

  • “This is intro to biology. I’m your professor Dr. Marshall Kane, PhD.” Dr. Marshall Kane, PhD (Not because of the line, but because of who delivered it.)

  • “Time flies when you’re joking around about movie titles that sound like the names of poops.” — Jeff

    — Troy “Remains of the Day.”

    — Jeff “Operation Dumbo Drop.”

    (See our own incredibly extensive list of Poop Fiction movie titles)

  • “You could have lived the rest of your life in blissful ignorance and died a happy pan-sexual imp.” — John Goodman

    The Opening Number

    Parks and Recreation. B+ .A good episode in terms of setting up the season, but no one got really drunk. Especially Ron Swanson. The campaign button was super sweet, but Patricia Clarkson’s arrival was a bit anti-climactic.

  • “I keep a sizable supply of ground chuck in my desk. Remove it or it will begin to smell.” — Ron Swanson

  • “If I could go back in time and cut out your eyeballs, I would.” — Chris

  • “I’m just now getting really good at shoe shining and I mean, I’m still pretty bad at it.” — Andy

  • “I don’t know what you mean but it had the cadence of a joke.” and “There you have it, where ‘it’ is the thing Leslie Knope just said about the situation.” — Perd Hapley

  • “You choose, Knope: hunting, fishing, or drinking.” — Ron

    “I really want to shoot a gun right now.” — Leslie

    “Fishing it is.” — Ron

  • “That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don’t know if he has mumps. I was distracted. By the largest penis I have ever seen.” — Doctor

    The Office A-. I would not have predicted that “The Office” would have the best season premiere of the three, but James Spader was magnificent, Ed Helms is the perfect Leslie Knopian choice, and Jim’s list in the end was classic Jim and Pam. I really think that Spader can inject new life into the show. Unfortunately, there weren’t really any great lines, save for one:

  • “Shove it up your butt.” — Stanley

    Over on Uproxx, you can also see the Planking sequence in GIF form.









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    Comments

    I loved Dean Pelton's line when he's talking to the Security guards:

    "I want you to spray your solutions all over me."

    I was surprised at how much I enjoyed The Office, except for the scene where Dwight gets everyone to line up facing each other and yells "Attack!". And then, well, attacks.

    Got one minute into Whitney before the overbearing laugh track drove me away.

    Overall, it was good to have most of the Thursday night comedy block back.

    Posted by: Groundloop at September 23, 2011 11:51 AM

    • I need a glass of red wine, and I will take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference. Line of the night.

    Posted by: Will at September 23, 2011 11:51 AM

    "Don't you need to answer that?"
    "Nope, it's just penises."

    Also-the planking. Oh, the planking.

    Posted by: Nimue at September 23, 2011 11:57 AM

    I completely lost it at the doctor's lines about Jerry's penis on Parks & Rec.

    Robert California cracked me up when he asked Jim what his daughter thought of "the Street" and then when he began to discuss how Elmo is "reflective of our time." I wish I could remember the whole quote.

    Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 23, 2011 12:00 PM

    My favorite line wasn't even a line. It was, of course, the beard.

    Posted by: Todd at September 23, 2011 12:01 PM

    I completely lost it at the doctor's lines about Jerry's penis on Parks & Rec.

    Robert California cracked me up when he asked Jim what his daughter thought of "the Street" and then when he began to discuss how Elmo is "reflective of our time." I wish I could remember the whole quote.

    Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 23, 2011 12:01 PM

    Damn these work computers! Stupid Internet Explorer! I give up.

    Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 23, 2011 12:02 PM

    It was Professor Kane....I agree that Prof. King would have been a better name though, given it's Omar.

    (Noted and corrected. Thanks! --DR)

    Posted by: lucas at September 23, 2011 12:05 PM

    "I'm Ron Swanson, and you're Leslie fucking Knope." It was a great premiere, but that line killed.

    I liked The Office a lot more than I expected. I think Andy is a good choice. However, that ending was very much the kind of thing Michael Scott would have done. So I'm wondering if the writers (in this case BJ Novak) just wrote what they knew or were inferring that Andy may have learned (subconsciously) from Michael after all.

    The new show Whitney is an abyss where comedy goes to die.

    Posted by: TylerDFC at September 23, 2011 12:05 PM

    My favorite was, "Your inbox is literally filled with penises."

    Posted by: beckster at September 23, 2011 12:06 PM

    Hey, guys. Guys.

    MelBivDevoe completely lost it at the doctor's lines about Jerry's penis on Parks & Rec.

    Posted by: superasente at September 23, 2011 12:07 PM

    I'm pretty sure a lot of people turned "Whitney" off before the show's opening credits. I certainly did. As soon as the second burst of canned laughter hit, I felt my soul being sucked out of my eyeballs and I quickly changed the channel.

    Best decision I ever made. (Hell, I even managed to watch an entire episode of "Outsourced" once. Once.)

    Posted by: RobP at September 23, 2011 12:11 PM

    So..that was Dan Harmon's creative way of letting us know Jeff and Annie are going to finally bone? I'm in.

    Posted by: Tenebrous at September 23, 2011 12:31 PM

    So..that was Dan Harmon's creative way of letting us know Jeff and Annie are going to finally bone? I'm in.

    Posted by: Tenebrous at September 23, 2011 12:31 PM

    I somehow made it through all of Whitney, mainly because the remote was all the way over there. It says in the beginning that it's filmed before a live studio audience, but actual people could not really be laughing at the show. They did neglect to mention that they also did every scene in one take, because one of the actors (usually Whitney) had to bite their cheek not to laugh after every "joke". Or maybe she's just that bad of an actress. It reminds of the Simpsons where Mr. Burns is making his autobiography film, "We did 27 takes, and that was the best one."

    Posted by: Emcee Peepants at September 23, 2011 12:35 PM

    Meredith + fire extinguisher = me literally spitting cereal onto my laptop. I'm a sucker for physical comedy.

    I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed "The Office" opener, it had really turned into a slog the last few seasons.

    Posted by: snapnhiss at September 23, 2011 1:06 PM

    Tammy One working for the IRS is INSPIRED. She's everything he hates, even more than Tammy Two and those punk-ass book jockeys.

    Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 23, 2011 2:11 PM

    That's funny Emcee Peepants, because when I saw the promos for Whitney I was yelling "BOO-URNS! BOO-URNS!!" at the screen.

    Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 23, 2011 3:22 PM

    So was this filmed in front of a live audience, or was that a joke and it's really a laugh track. Not that it makes much of a difference, as they're pretty much the same thing. I'm just curious.

    Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 23, 2011 3:39 PM

    Monkey gas!

    Posted by: Holfax at September 23, 2011 8:51 PM

    Chris: Ann Perkins! You really know your testes!
    Ann: Um, thank you?

    Dean Pelton: I don't remember anything you said before "rectum"!

    It was an awesome return for P&R and Community.

    Now I'm off to find Inspector Spacetime on Netflix (they have it, right?)

    Posted by: Uriah Creep at September 23, 2011 9:41 PM

    They only have the Tim Butcher episodes I think.

    Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at September 24, 2011 12:58 AM

    Personally, I loved Meredith planking under the urinals.

    Posted by: Renton at September 24, 2011 5:19 AM

    Can anyone explain why Gabe is back??

    Posted by: Nick at September 24, 2011 12:32 PM

    loved the first three. excellent season openers as far as i'm concerned. i only lasted about 3 minutes into, "whitney" thanks to the laugh track.

    Posted by: mark at September 24, 2011 6:20 PM

    I'm with Nick. I HATE that guy. Wasn't he supposed to have left?!

    Posted by: Figgy at September 25, 2011 12:19 AM