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What If These Ten Directors Replaced Edgar Wright on 'Ant-Man'?

By Rebecca Pahle | Seriously Random Lists | May 29, 2014 | Comments ()


the ant man commands you.jpg

Not that it’ll probably matter who directs Ant-Man, ‘cause it looks like in the wake of Edgar Wright’s departure the Mouse House is gearing up for the same old MCU-generic no matter what. But humor me.

Christopher Nolan
If Nolan were hired to direct Ant-Man there’d have to be major rewrites to give Paul Rudd’s titular insectoid superhero a dead wife/lover. Those just aren’t optional in a Nolan movie. “OK, so he’s angsty because a supervillain’s threatening the world and he’s the only one who can stop him… and because of his dead wife Evangeline Lilly. Oh, and we’re recasting Rudd. He’s Cillian Murphy now. Here’s the bag he’ll wear over his head. Someone call Michael Caine for me.”

Phil Lord and Chris Milller
The Lego Movie. 21 Jump Street. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Lord and Miller can take any movie that shouldn’t be good and rescue it. That’s their superpower. I’m imagining an eyepatch-wearing Kevin Feige sitting all broody at his desk, flipping through his Rolodex. “It’s an emergency. Call them in.”

Shane Carruth
Under Carruth, Paul Rudd’s Ant-Man would be a metaphor for some obscure school of philosophy, Michael Douglas’ Ant-Man would be his doppelgänger from an alternate timeline, Patrick Wilson would somehow be both of them, they’d all have flying pet pigs for some reason, and it would be still be easier to figure out than Primer.

George Clooney
“Paul Rudd is great, but you know who I think should play Ant-Man?… Me. I’m gonna rewrite the script, too. You guys won’t mind, right? If I invite you to my Downton Abbey wedding can I be listed as an executive producer, too? I’m George F***ing Clooney.”

Gore Verbinski
“You know what can save Ant-Man? JOHNNY DEPP. IN A WIG. GIVE HIM A FUNNY VOICE, and possibly a racially insensitive character to play. It never fails.

Tim Burton
“…and can we add Helena Bonham Carter, too?”

Peter Jackson
“Where’s Ant-Man? He’s right there, in the center of the swooping shot of scenery. What do you mean you can’t see him? Look closer, he’s small! I can’t be expected to give up my helicopter shots!”

Robert Zemeckis
A decade this joke might have been about how Zemeckis’ Ant-Man would’ve starred a volleyball as Scott Lang’s superhero sidekick. Before that I’d be talking about the supervillain potential of Biff Tannen. But with recent career developments I have to say that Zemeckis’ Ant-Man would be some real weird uncanny valley bullshit. Bob, what’s happened? Are you OK?

Ben Affleck
BLESSED NERD RAGE.

What, you thought Rebecca (here she is on Twitter) would offer serious suggestions? Please.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • EvilMonkeyPope

    GENNDY TARTAKOVSKY!!!

  • Ron Harper

    W.S. errr sory Wes Anderson. Replace Paul Rudd with Jason Schwartzman, Michael Douglas with Bill "F$$$in" Murray. They already have Patrick Wilson, just add Owen Wilson.

  • BlackRabbit

    hee hee David Cronenberg

  • Emmet O'Cuana

    Lena Dunham.

    "I can make myself small. It's my power. But you make me *feel* small...and it hurts!"

    Oh the nerdrage would be glorious.

  • Lord Inferno

    Quentin Tarantino
    Antman would be recast as Samuel L. Jackson. Harvey Keitel would star as Antman's fixer and psychotic father figure. Christoph Waltz would show up to win all the awards. The film would consume Hollywood's entire fake blood supply for three months. Tarantino's directors cut would be three hours long, but the final release would only be 15 minutes after being cut to pass the MPAA with a PG-13 rating.

  • lonestarr357

    What, no feet?!

  • Lord Inferno

    Shit! Knew I forgot something.

    http://braindeadradio.com/wp-c...

  • stella

    What about Terrance Malik? Or Lars Van Trier?

  • Kevin Smith: Weed, fart jokes and lots of F-bombs. With Mews as the smart ass sidekick

  • _Alexander_

    No David Lynch? For shame

  • Rebecca Pahle

    "This is a damn fine plate of shawarma."

  • Sean

    Oh my god that would be amazing.

  • Sean

    This may sound dumb, but how hard is it to direct this type of movie? You have a script that someone else has already written. You have a lot of special effects that you don't have a thing to do with. Get a decent camera man, and some good set designers...and just turn yell "action". The actors are all professional. It can't be that hard.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Are you a Marvel Studios executive?

  • BendinIntheWind

    ...is this just a really awful attempt at trolling? Because yes, this sounds very dumb.

  • logan

    NOT ONE female director on the whole list....

  • Harry Lime

    Given Marvel's pattern of going for TV directors, Michelle MacLaren (Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad) could work.

  • VonnegutSlut

    Lake Bell really nailed it with "In a World." I bet she would have a very interesting take on the source material.

    There's always the good ol' standby, Kathryn Bigelow.

  • emmalita

    I was going to suggest that Bigelow would bring an interesting interpretation to Ant-Man. I'd like to see her burst into Marvel HQ with "I'm the motherfucker who should direct Ant-Man!"

  • Sean

    Bell is also pregnant. She is probably a little busy for the next few months. But more Lake Bell is a good thing.

  • And that's part of the problem: if you look for female directors, none but Bigelow have done action movies. All the top ones are firmly in the drama/indie circuit.

    It's a chicken/egg situation: more female directors making action/comic book movies won't happen until they're successful at making them which they can't because they're not given the chance because they haven't done them yet.

  • There's also Lexi Alexander, who made Punisher: War Zone (and was given all sorts of copious notes, but still got that 360 degree chandelier shot in the final cut) and Green Street Hooligans. But, you're right, two examples is barely a case at all.

    It's a damn shame when suits don't give more women a chance but Roberto Orci, with no directing credits ever, gets to take over Star Trek just because he's JJ's BFF.

  • I actually liked 'War Zone' better than the Thomas Jayne Punisher movie. I'd like to see to see what she could do given A+ Marvel budget, I'd bet it'd be pretty decent.

  • I dislike all the Punisher movies (mainly because Frank Castle does nothing for me as a character or an icon), but I definitely dislike War Zone the least. Based on that and Hooligans, I think Alexander would be great on one, any, or all of the Netflix series Marvel is cooking up. Oooh, or the Black Widow flick that's been rumored. I'd like to see Bigelow get a crack at Captain America or Hawkeye, I think.

  • Art3mis

    Except that dudes with no action-movie credentials at all keep being handed big franchises. Marc Webb went from 500 Days of Summer to Spiderman. Jon Favreau went from Elf to Iron Man. Bryan Singer hadn't made a big budget movie before he was handed X-Men. Rupert Sanders made zero movies before he made Snow White and the Huntsman. Etc. Etc.

  • AK84

    Well Marvel's known to delve into the tv directing bucket. Why not these two ladies?
    http://thinkprogress.org/alyss...

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