film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web / politics / netflix / advertise / cbr

They Can't All Be Selleck: 10 Actors Who Should Never Attempt A Mustache

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | September 22, 2011 | Comments ()

Ryan Gosling: Gosling grew this beauty to play a supremely awkward young man in Lars And The Real Girl. He also gained a little chub. Which is all great. The film is great, he's great in it. But thank god the 'stache went as soon as filming wrapped because, look at that thing. Not even the blinding beauty of Penelope Cruz can make it better.

Colin Firth: See, Firth should be immune. He's Mr. Darcy. He's MARK Darcy. He's supposed to be twisting knickers on both sides of the pond. But he should not only seriously reconsider the length of his sideburns, but he needs to shave facial blight, post-haste.

Eric McCormack: Oh, Will, what would Grace say? Actually, forget that. WOULD WOULD JACK SAY?

John Travolta: Ah, the white man's Fu Manchu, not Travolta's biggest follicular crime (that would be whatever is going on upstairs), but it'll do.

George Clooney: Yes, gentlemen, it's true, Clooney can look repulsive.

Zac Efron: Mustache ride, anyone? Line forms on the left.

Clive Owen: Clive is the reasons we're gathered here today. He is the Croupier. He is the man who would have (and should have) been Bond. He is suavity personified. What he is NOT is well-suited for a mustache. It looks like a caterpillar. He looks like he might own a van with painted windows. I wouldn't buy a car from him. I wouldn't take candy from him.

Loathsome enough in photos, you really ought to see it in action to catch the full effect.

James Franco: FRANCO YOU SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FOLLICLES. No, no, don't try to fool me with that hipster finger trick. That's the patchiest, sorriest excuse for a mustache I've seen this side of Yelchin. Stop it.

Seth Green: It's tricky with gingers (amirite,
Dexter?). Oftentimes the 'stache grows in lighter and brighter and simply carrotier than the hair and the, um, hall rug doesn't really match the drapes.

Michael Fassbender: Ha. As if. He is perfection.

Jessica Alba: Oh, blow me, Alba. As if you know a single thing about Chaplin.
Jessica Alba.jpg

So, in summation, we can't all be Selleck. But we can dream.

Today In Facepalm: The Identity Of "How I Met Your Mother's" Slutty Pumpkin Revealed | What Do You Think Of "The Walking Dead" Getting A Talk Show, Mrs. Zombie? (Grr! Argh!)

Bigots, Trolls & MRAs Are Not Welcome in the Comments

A Complete List of Fall TV Premiere Dates

Recent News

Recent Reviews

Privacy Policy