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Ranking Television's 10 Best Boobs

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (43)



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I’m not sure when the Boob was introduced as a sitcom trope. It’s been around as long as I remember, although the first Big Boob I can recall was Jim J. Bullock’s character on a long-forgotten sitcom, “Too Close for Comfort.” But nearly every sitcom has a Boob: The goofy oddball, usually lovable, and often kooky. Joey from “Friends” was kind of the King of sitcom boobs. Remember Boner from “Growing Pains”? Total boob. Some shows have more than one boob, but there’s typically a Main Boob, and he’s often the sitcom’s crowd-pleaser. He’s often a big eater, for some reason. And he’s the guy more likely to take you up on a stupid dare or run through the set naked. Occasionally, he’s also the sitcom Whore, but he is seldom the sitcom’s main love interest. “The Office” is a show built around Boobs, and as the show has gone on, the Boobs have become the main focus (to the show’s detriment). Other times, the Boob gets Boobier as the show progresses, and the Boob’s Boobiness become even more exaggerated. By the end of “Friends,” for instance, Joey’s character had only two traits: He ate sandwiches and he slept around.

But we’re not here to mock, touch or fondle television biggest boobs: We’re here to celebrate them. These 10 guys are television’s biggest boobs right now, ranked by Boobiness..


10. Kevin, “The Office”

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9. Marshall Erikson, “How I Met Your Mother”

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8. Phil Dunphy, “Modern Family”

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7. Bobby Cobb, “Cougar Town”

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6. Max Blum, “Happy Endings”

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5. Andy Dwyer, “Parks and Recreation”

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4. Tracy Jordan, “30 Rock”

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3. Pierce Hawthorne, “Community”

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2. Taco, “The League”

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1. Charlie, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”

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Comments

I feel cheated.

Posted by: aptrapani at December 6, 2011 3:06 PM

Damn you.
It's hard to find good boobs to look at on the interwebz, and you go and tease like that!

Damn you I say!

Posted by: chumpy at December 6, 2011 3:06 PM

As a gay dude, I came here to be all "Oh, how expected: dudes drooling over canned chest hams!"

Well, at least 1/3 of these are supremely hittable, so I thank you, Pajiba! Thank you for the somewhat appealing flotilla of moobs I see before me!

Posted by: Brian at December 6, 2011 3:10 PM

Jeff from the British Coupling.

Posted by: marie at December 6, 2011 3:11 PM

Well played, Dustin. You have won this battle.


.... But not the war....

Posted by: Matty at December 6, 2011 3:14 PM

Marshall is not a boob! He's PERFECT.

Posted by: Julie at December 6, 2011 3:20 PM

Is that a thing? To refer to the village idiot as a "boob"? I've never heard that before.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 6, 2011 3:22 PM

It's kind of an old term I guess, but it's still there. It kind of reminds me of this.

http://superdickery.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&catid=32:seduction-index&id=303:batmans-boner

Old? Yes. Awesome? More yes.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at December 6, 2011 3:27 PM

I've perused that list three fucking times now and I'm damned if I can find Dustin's picture anywhere.

Posted by: admin at December 6, 2011 3:29 PM

I was feeling pretty proud of myself, ready to see Christina Hendricks at the #1 spot. Then I opened the article...I feel like such a boob.

Posted by: Iris at December 6, 2011 3:31 PM

Also, the four magnificent examples of mammarifousness in the header more than make up for your trite little joke. I'd just like to send a special "fuck you" to the Firefox spellchecker. "mammarifous" is in the Pajiba dictionary you twunt-humping twatwaffle!

Posted by: admin at December 6, 2011 3:33 PM

Phil Dunphy is more retarded goof than boob.

Posted by: layla at December 6, 2011 3:42 PM

I love Charlie...is he single?

Posted by: gigi at December 6, 2011 3:46 PM

As a gay dude, I came here to be all "Oh, how expected: dudes drooling over canned chest hams!"

Posted by: Brian at December 6, 2011 3:10 PM

Brian, I'll thank you not to refer to my boobs as "canned chest hams." They are bounteous, beautiful, bouncing orbs of glee, and don't you forget it!

Posted by: noodlestein at December 6, 2011 4:01 PM

You'd think by now I'd know not to fall for your bait-and-switch.

Also, Julie is correct, Marshall is perfect.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at December 6, 2011 4:02 PM

It depends on which Charlie you are talking about, gigi.

Charlie Kelly is hopelessly single and will likely remain that why for the rest of his life. Charlie Day is married to the waitress (Mary Elizabeth Ellis), so it looks as if that ship has sailed.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at December 6, 2011 4:08 PM

Something I never noticed until now: in the picture, Allison Brie is wearing a garter belt, but there are no garters attached to her stockings. What the hell is the garter belt for? Is there some other purpose to a garter belt that I'm not aware of besides holding up your stockings? To look sexy I guess? Wouldn't just the lacy underwear suffice?

Posted by: Cree83 at December 6, 2011 4:40 PM

According to Merriam-Webster @ m-w.com

boob
noun \ˈbüb\
Definition of BOOB
1
: a stupid awkward person : simpleton
2
: boor, philistine
— boob·ish adjective
Origin of BOOB
short for booby
First Known Use: 1907

Henceforth I shall be using the adjective boobish.

Posted by: jayco at December 6, 2011 4:53 PM

@Cree83

Maybe Gillian already spanked the garters right of her!

Posted by: layla at December 6, 2011 4:59 PM

Damn it - OFF her, I meant OFF HER!!!!

Posted by: layla at December 6, 2011 5:01 PM

That was wrong. I want a refund.

Posted by: John W at December 6, 2011 5:15 PM

Oh, my Charlie. I think in this screencap he is awaiting his milk steak? What a fucking treasure he is. And yes, the quintessential boob.

Posted by: Colin at December 6, 2011 5:28 PM

The dad from Raising Hope. He is delightfully booby.

Posted by: figgy at December 6, 2011 6:01 PM

@marie:
I think it's a toss-up between Jeff and Oliver.

Posted by: Jerry at December 6, 2011 6:22 PM

Is that a thing? To refer to the village idiot as a "boob"? I've never heard that before.
Posted by: PaddyDog at December 6, 2011 3:22 PM


Wait, what? Are you kidding me?! The Supreme Master of the English Language has never heard the term boob in this context?!

Posted by: nobody in particular at December 6, 2011 6:26 PM

Pierce isn't loveable enough to be a boob. He's an ass.

Posted by: Lauren at December 6, 2011 7:01 PM

I've always thought of Troy being the boob from Community. Lauren above is right. Pierce is not a boob, he's just an ass.

Posted by: Arrogant Ambassador at December 6, 2011 7:23 PM

Wait, what? Are you kidding me?! The Supreme Master of the English Language has never heard the term boob in this context?!

I don't know, but I'm willing to contact John Banville and ask him for you.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 6, 2011 7:29 PM

Annie's Boobs?

Posted by: Robert at December 6, 2011 7:46 PM

Andy should be number one. Charlie is too much of a genius to be a boob, and Andy makes my heart swell with candy. He's a human Golden Retriever.

Posted by: ChristianH at December 6, 2011 8:43 PM

Love all these guys - except Taco. God, do I hate Taco.

Posted by: Blurg at December 6, 2011 9:41 PM

Andy should be number one. Charlie is too much of a genius to be a boob, and Andy makes my heart swell with candy. He's a human Golden Retriever.

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Posted by: kengao at December 6, 2011 10:25 PM

I knew exactly what this list was going to be, but I clicked it with a shred of hope anyway.

Posted by: Steve at December 6, 2011 10:40 PM

What kind of a sick joke is this article? "Too Close For Comfort" will never be forgotten. How dare you. Your blessed Godtopus can go suck Cosmic Cow's middle left udder.

Posted by: Kevin Amold at December 7, 2011 4:15 AM

perfect list!

Posted by: maxwell at December 7, 2011 4:21 AM

I disagree about Joey from Friends. He just happened to have the double role of "boob"/hot guy, so he got more screen time than a typical boob. But he wasn't the king because he was preceded by superior boobs like Coach/Woody on Cheers, Malory on Family Ties and Homer Simpson, the REAL King of the Boobs!

Posted by: Bumboclot at December 8, 2011 11:55 AM

Relax….most men just mean they enjoy boobs period. They don’t really care about the size, they are just happy to see them, touch them, or be near them. Your fine just the way you are and if he doesn’t like them I’m sure there are a thousand other guys that would like them just fine.

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