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Out Of The Mouths Of Total Babes: Film's Finest Foul-Mouthed Femmes

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (41)



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So Cameron’s Diaz’s Bad Teacher opened quite well this weekend. That means that despite bad reviews and a blatant Bad Santa rip-off, there was something com-fucking-pelling about the concept of a chick that swears a hell of a lot. Well, if that’s the case, America, let’s see how you do with a list of goddamned foul-mouthed ladies. You know, ones from good movies where the swearing adds to the moment and isn’t there just to cover up a shitty plot and worn out concept. Some of them are funny, some are emotional, some are unexpected and some of them are motherfucking scary. So here they are, you fuckmunchers, my personal favorites. Are you upset because your favorite isn’t on here? Well, fuck you.

Mona Lisa Vito—My Cousin Vinny
Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water - BAM. A fuckin’ bullet rips off part of your head. Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask ya, would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?

Car Rental Agent—Planes Train and Automobiles
You’re f*cked.

Marla Singer—Fight Club
My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.

Chris Parker—Adventures in Babysitting
Don’t fuck with the babysitter.

Annie Wilkes—Misery
THEY DO NOT! At the feedstore do I say, “Oh, now Wally, give me a bag of that F-in’ pig feed, and a pound of that bitchly cow corn”? At the bank do I say, “Oh, Mrs. Malenger, here is one big bastard of a check, now give me some of your Christ-ing money!” THERE, LOOK THERE, NOW SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

O-Ren Ishii—Kill Bill
The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is… I collect your fucking head. Just like this fucker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now’s the fucking time!

Julie Powers—Scott Pilgrim
Caramel Macchiatto for #@!* Pilgrim

Elizabeth Darko—Donnie Darko
Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck.

Heather Chandler—Heathers
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Sue—Bad Santa
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

Linda Partridge—Magnolia
Fuck you, too. Don’t call me “lady.” I come in here, I give these things to you, you check, you make your phone calls, look suspicious, ask questions. I’m sick. I have sickness all around me and you fucking ask me about my life? “What’s wrong?” Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? Where’s your fucking decency? And then I’m asked fucking questions. What’s… wrong? You suck my dick. That’s what’s wrong. And you, you fucking call me “lady”? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you.

Hit Girl—Kick-Ass
Okay you cunts… Let’s see what you can do now!

Honey Bunny—Pulp Fiction
Any of you fucking pricks move, and I’ll execute every motherfucking last one of ya!

Molly Weasley—Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part II
Not my daughter, you bitch.

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Joanna Robinson found it really hard not to censor those swear words. So, you know what? You’re fucking welcome. Also she would be damn pleased if you mentioned your favorite fucking lady swearer in the comment.









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Comments

Correct me if wrong, but:

My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.

Wasn't the original line "I want to have your abortion?"

Marla, you tourist.

Posted by: D-Day at June 28, 2011 4:34 PM

Robin Weigert as Calamity Jane in Deadwood.
Defining line: "Custer was a cunt. The end".

Posted by: dorquemada at June 28, 2011 4:48 PM

Regan MacNeil/ Demon The Exorcist

"Let Jesus fuck you, let Jesus fuck you. Let him fuck you."

"Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime."

"Stick your cock up her ass, you motherfucking worthless cocksucker."

"Do you know what she did, your cunting daughter?"

But a sampling of delightful profanity.

Posted by: admin at June 28, 2011 4:49 PM

Joanna, this piece is the bomb. I swear as I look back on my life, and I think about all the dates I’ve ever had. I can honestly say that there was not one date where profanity wasn't used.

Posted by: Pookie at June 28, 2011 4:51 PM

Fuck, I love this list.

Posted by: Even Stevens at June 28, 2011 4:51 PM

The talented Ellen Ripley with either:

"We'll move in pairs. We'll go step by step and cut off every bulkhead and every vent until we have it cornered. And then we'll blow it the fuck out into space! Is that acceptable to you?"

Or the classic precursor to Molly Weasly with "Get away from her, you BITCH!"

Posted by: branded at June 28, 2011 4:54 PM

I know you said "fuck you," but... Sarah Silverman in "The Way of the Gun"? Come now.

Posted by: eldopa at June 28, 2011 5:02 PM

Shut up or I'll fuckstart your head.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 28, 2011 5:04 PM

...grumble grumble....I can't believe I'm actually going to be defending this person...

Okay, I really cannot stand Sarah Silverman, but I really think her stint at the beginning of Way of the Gun belongs on the list.

Not only is she foul mouthed but she gets what's coming to her even though her yap volunteered her boyfriend to back up her words.

Posted by: bleujayone at June 28, 2011 5:04 PM

This list makes me so fucking happy.

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at June 28, 2011 5:13 PM

Calamity Jane in Deadwood for this exchange:

Andy, dying in the woods and delirious repeats the phrase "I apologize"

Jane" "Shut the fuck up!"

Who is the woman covered in slime in the banner picture? Is that Lindsay Lohan?

Posted by: Viking at June 28, 2011 5:15 PM

Second all the Calamity Jane love here, but mostly I'm worried that this list is really going to send Mrs. Julien on a downward spiral....and she was doing so well recently.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 28, 2011 5:20 PM

Kelly VanRyan to Suzie Toller as she tries to drown her in the pool:
You stupid c-word!

*only she didn't say "c-word"

Posted by: Trey Shacksit at June 28, 2011 5:23 PM

Because she is awesome, especially this scene:
Jackie Brown pulls a gun

Posted by: thenemophilist at June 28, 2011 5:25 PM

NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH.

Oh, God, I can't wait.

Posted by: duckandcover at June 28, 2011 5:33 PM

My favorite line in the entire series. When I first read that line I literally yelled "YES!" I LOVE Molly Weasley! She's so kick ass! So underrated.

Posted by: Uncle JR at June 28, 2011 5:45 PM

I have so much love for this list. I have to echo the Sarah Silverman nomination. "You like to fuck babies?"

All the other suggestions that came to mind were actually tv, not film. That could be a good list too. Nancy Botwin, Calamity Jane, Casey Klein.

Posted by: thecreepingkid at June 28, 2011 5:45 PM

I'd also like to add Catherine Keener from Death to Smoochy, the actress who first introduced me to the joys of fiery blasphemous women.

Posted by: LEROOOY at June 28, 2011 6:05 PM

I can't believe Betty White isn't on this list.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 28, 2011 6:20 PM

As a Very Sweary girl myself, I approve this list.

"Very Sweary" - a new line of dolls to compete with "Chatty Cathy." Patent pending.

Posted by: MM at June 28, 2011 6:25 PM

Duh, Mercedes Ruehl in "Married to the Mob":

Just gimme the fucking ticket, dickhead.

Posted by: Slash at June 28, 2011 6:41 PM

I'd also kinda like to know who the hot, wet chick is at the top. Is it Julianne Moore in another scene?

Posted by: Slash at June 28, 2011 6:44 PM

Um, Kate Winslet in Romance & Cigarettes. Absolute must for her profane Scottish tart.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0368222/

And, bonus, a Gandolfini treat that comes from nowhere.

Not a great film, but really fun.

Posted by: Tao at June 28, 2011 6:59 PM

You left out Geena Davis in Long Kiss Goodnight. She had a foul mouth at least once or twice.

And of course the aforementioned Sarah Silverman in Way of the Gun.

Posted by: Wintermute at June 28, 2011 7:42 PM

Molly Weasley for the motherfucking win! She's my hero.

Posted by: stardust at June 28, 2011 7:56 PM

That is, indeed, some rando and rather moist photo of Julianne Moore.

Posted by: coveredinbees at June 28, 2011 8:09 PM

He didn't get out of the cock-a-doodie car, PAUL! You dirty bird!

Posted by: Anna von Beav at June 28, 2011 8:22 PM

Lengthy list with some fun cinema reminiscing!

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 28, 2011 8:23 PM

Julianne Moore is IT. God, that is such a great picture.

Posted by: KXJXBX at June 28, 2011 8:49 PM

Very good picks, but for the win?

Katie: Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, *cut*. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.

Posted by: ester at June 28, 2011 9:24 PM

Concur about Betty White. She had all the best lines in "Lake Placid". "If I had a dick this is where I'd tell you to suck it"

Posted by: Ang at June 28, 2011 10:54 PM

Reese Witherspoon, 'Freeway.'

Posted by: HopeHope at June 29, 2011 12:30 AM

Mother fucking Ruth Gordon in Every Which Way But Loose. She may be past her babe years, but she can out-cuss any of these bitch-ass bitches.

Posted by: bev rage at June 29, 2011 12:38 AM

Betty White in Lake Placid.

Posted by: Rykker at June 29, 2011 10:40 AM

Wow, that just doesn't look at all to me like Julianne Moore. Oh well.

Kate Winslet's guest star appearance on Extras. She had to explain how to talk dirty and was really good at it. Hilarious.

Posted by: Viking at June 29, 2011 10:58 AM

Now that we've started mentioning TV characters I have to include Debra Morgan from Dexter, for every other word that comes out of her mouth. I think she swears more than everyone in Deadwood.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at June 29, 2011 11:58 AM

Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction:

Bridget Gregory: You're my designated fuck.
Mike Swale: Designated fuck? Do they make cards for that? What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?
Bridget Gregory: Then I'll designate someone else.

or

Mike Swale: I'm trying to figure out whether you're a total fucking bitch or not.
Bridget Gregory: I am a total fucking bitch.

Posted by: ponch at June 29, 2011 12:37 PM

Thank you ponch. The Last Seduction is one of my all-time favorite movies and Bridget is one of the most delicious total bitches to grace the screen.

Posted by: dagnabbit at June 29, 2011 2:09 PM

I'm fucking Matt Damon! -- Sarah Silverman

Posted by: klingonfree at June 29, 2011 2:56 PM

Bridget Jones' friend Shazza: "likes to say fuck a lot"

Posted by: homeslice at June 30, 2011 12:12 AM

I always think of the opening scene from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back:

"Did you just hear the crazy fuck tellin' me
how to fuckin' raise you? Motherfucker, man! Who's he fucking think he is? What's the worse fuckin' thing could happen to you sitting outside the fuckin' stores? Fuck!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz7CWjrHUgk

Posted by: Penelope Huxley at July 2, 2011 6:53 PM