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Jon Stewart: The Most Seductive Man in the World

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (26)

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Most people who love Jon Stewart love him because he’s the smartest comedian on television, self-righteous in all the right ways, and offers incisive and biting political commentary four days a week. But what many may not realize is that Jon Stewart is a very sexy man who holds untold power of women. Look: He’s a multi-level threat.

His hair is versatile.

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He wears great hats.

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He can break out the sensitive tough guy with scruff at any moment.

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He’d be great on the cover of Tiger Beat.

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He’s in touch with his feminine side.

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He’s not afraid to show his affection for other men.

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He reads.

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He can squat on a little chair.

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He knows how to sweet talk the ladies.

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He can play an instrument.

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He can dance.

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He knows how to make a move.

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He loves vaginas!

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He knows exactly what to do with them, too.


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He can also talk dirty.

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Or, he can just sit in the corner and watch.

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Comments

I don't want to do him so much as I want to be him.

Posted by: twig at November 21, 2011 4:25 PM

Twice, TWICE my BFF (not former, though she should be because of what comes next) has called and awakened me in the middle of a very interesting dream about John Stewart.

TWICE!

He's on my Pajiba 10 ab aeterno.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 21, 2011 4:28 PM

Sorry, Colbert's better--smarter, more incisive and provocative, funnier, more charismatic--and doesn't go for the low-hanging fruit like Stewart frequently does these days.

Both do, however, make the curious misstep of occasionally using offensive ethnic stereotypes that are cringe-inducing and, worse, unfunny.

Posted by: Not a hair splitter at November 21, 2011 4:29 PM

I think poufy-haired, college-age Stewart (I assume that's college-aged) is kinda hot.

Ain't nothin' wrong with a big nose on a dude. In fact, small, girly noses on men creep me out a little bit.

Posted by: Slash at November 21, 2011 4:30 PM

Please excuse my mispelling of his name. I was overcome by the sudden constriction of my stays due to some rather rapid breathing.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 21, 2011 4:31 PM

I also enjoy Stewart's George Bush impression. That "heh heh" at the end always cracks my shit up.

Posted by: Slash at November 21, 2011 4:31 PM

You know, Not a hair splitter, it's almost as though different people like different things.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien AGAIN at November 21, 2011 4:32 PM

Then again, I'm a hetero guy so perhaps I'm not the best to consider this topic...

Posted by: Not a hair splitter at November 21, 2011 4:34 PM

He can squat on a little chair.

It's called Owling, Dustin. Jeez. I thought you were cool.

*shakes head sadly*

Posted by: Lauren at November 21, 2011 4:42 PM

Enough with the moving photos. This isn't The Daily Prophet.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 21, 2011 5:00 PM

Hee Hee, BWeaves. Harry Potter joke made me laugh, and I agree.

Posted by: spljt at November 21, 2011 5:09 PM

SO hot, want to touch the heiney.

Posted by: noodlestein at November 21, 2011 5:11 PM

Have met him and shaken his hand, he is even hotter up close. Turns out when we actually got to talk, he is from my old neighborhood as well! Definitely a must for most Pajibettes!

Posted by: jmd at November 21, 2011 5:43 PM

HEY! I get enough Terry Gross on my way home from work. It's bad enough with all the Olyphant love around here.

Next thing I know you'll be tonguebathing Madmen again.

Posted by: AM at November 21, 2011 5:45 PM

i suggest a spread on Stephen Colbert soon before he finds out.

Posted by: haplo at November 21, 2011 6:00 PM

Thank you. I try not to objectify him because I love him for so many other reasons, but the hot can't be ignored forever.

Posted by: katy at November 21, 2011 6:35 PM

I love his show, but Colbert gets my manlove.

Posted by: The Wanderer at November 21, 2011 7:04 PM

If Stewart was exactly the same in every way but was conservative, you guys wouldn't give a crap about him.

Posted by: Whatever at November 21, 2011 9:54 PM

"If Stewart was exactly the same in every way but was conservative ..."

Ahem .... wouldn't that make him RETARDED??

Posted by: handy_man at November 21, 2011 10:42 PM

God, shut UP, already. Some of us want to stare into Jon's sexy, snarky eyes without getting into a political debate. We get it - there are some folks who are consistently butt-hurt around here because the general population around here tends not to generally dig on specifically conservative comedians. SNORE. We like who we like. Why does this BOTHER you so much???

And some of us have wanted a sneaky makeout with Jon since 1996 - WELL before he became known for TDS.

Sharply intelligent blue eyes, tousled dark hair increasingly streaked with silver, and that little-boy-in-trouble grin? Pardon me, my panties just shot off with such velocity I think they broke the sound barrier...

Posted by: Tammy at November 22, 2011 12:08 AM

Simply scrumptious. I watch TDS daily and laugh uproariously before realizing every word is true and therefore actually horribly depressing. But then he moves on and makes me laugh (rinse, lather, repeat). Also he mocks liberal stupidity as well, doesn't he? And Pajiba is all about equal opportunity snarkage, no?

Posted by: cinekat at November 22, 2011 9:03 AM

I actually go through phases when I can't watch his show because the political situation is so frustrating and hamstrung (by both sides) that it makes me feel terribly sad and hopeless. No amount of funny can take that away. Okay, maybe the funny PLUS the 1996 John Stewart would take care of it. Remember that talk show he had that tanked? There was an episode where he interviewed Sam Elliott. It was almost more sexy than I could bear.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 22, 2011 10:41 AM

Jon Stewart is forever in my Pajiba Five Freebies.

Now where's that Colbert spread?

Posted by: Aislinn at November 22, 2011 3:58 PM

Love him. Love him so much.

Posted by: dsbs at November 22, 2011 10:32 PM

Okay, maybe the funny PLUS the 1996 John Stewart would take care of it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 22, 2011 10:41 AM

Wow, that's twice in one thread you've misspelled Jon's name, Mrs. J. He must have you feeling flustered indeed. Perhaps loosening the stays would help.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 22, 2011 10:53 PM

hmmm he's alright, but to be honest, i was far more excited by the colbert GIF

Posted by: Ashley at November 23, 2011 4:56 AM