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I Wouldn't Mind The Probing: The 20 Sexiest Aliens Of Film And Television

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (62)

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I’ve caught some flak around here recently for criticizing Scarlett Johansson. To be honest, folks, I didn’t mean to pick on her. But between boning JGL, appearing in the queerest ad I’ve seen in awhile and having David Fincher liken her to a sexy E.T., well, the lady had a busy week. But, no, you’re right. She’s a beautiful woman and a middling actress and not at all worthy of the full Pajiba shun. In fact, speaking of sexy E.T.s, the first set images have been released of Johansson’s upcoming film Under The Skin. In it, Johansson plays “an alien on earth, disguised as the perfect aesthetic form of a mesmerizing woman. She scours remote highways and desolate scenery looking to use her greatest weapon to snare human prey — her voracious sexuality.” You know what? That sounds just about perfect. Here are some glimpses of said voracity.
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You can see a few more shots and some voraciously tight jeans here. As I said, I think ScarJo is ideal for this role. Any trace of wood in her performance can be chalked up to alien behavior. Any trace of wood in the audience can be chalk-nevermind. That being said, I have a weakness for sexy aliens and if she’s looking to impress me, the lovely Miss Johansson would be wise to follow in these possibly webbed footsteps.

Jeff Bridges as The Starman
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Morena Baccarin as Anna
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David Tennant as The Doctor
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Joe Morton as The Brother From Another Planet
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Katherine Heigl as Isabel Evans (Oh you may hate her now, but go ahead and deny her hotness then. I dare you.)
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Jeff Goldblum as Mac
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Famke Jansen as Miss Burke
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Chris Hemsworth as Thor (I mean, right? He’s an alien…yeah?)
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Susan Oliver as The Orion Slave Girl
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David Bowie as Thomas Jerome Newton
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Natasha Henstridge as Sil
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Michael Dorn as Lt. Worf
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Tim Curry as Dr. Frank-N-Furter
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Grace Park and Tricia Helfer as Cylons (This is a total cheat. I’m aware.)
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Vin Diesel as Riddick
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Helen Slater as Supergirl
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Billy Dee Williams as Lando
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Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine (Born human with just enough Borg in her to count for the list.)
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Milla Jovovich as Leeloo
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Christopher Reeve as Superman
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Comments

Is a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania an alien? Maybe an illegal alien?

Posted by: kelsy at October 25, 2011 2:45 AM

i used to have such a crush on worf when i was about 12. he was the man of my dreams. i was a weird kid.

Posted by: Jeannine at October 25, 2011 2:51 AM

Aeryn Sun?

Also time to bring the greatest scifi thing ever into the mix! Mass Effect!

The Asari?
Thane?
Thane again?

More like Ass Effect, amirite?!

Posted by: googergieger at October 25, 2011 3:08 AM

Multipass! Multipass!
(I do apologize. It's a reflex. Or possibly a medical condition. Can't be helped.)

Posted by: cinekat at October 25, 2011 3:39 AM

Second Aeryn Sun. Ass kicking hotness

Posted by: sailboat at October 25, 2011 3:54 AM

Third Aeryn Sun.

Posted by: TS at October 25, 2011 4:00 AM

It's speeled "Moooltipasssss".

Posted by: frank_247 at October 25, 2011 4:03 AM

Superman? Really? Captain Bum-Chin himself?
I'm disappointed J-Rob, but your inclusion of the Hot Doctor ALMOST negates it.
Almost.

Posted by: Clairenz at October 25, 2011 4:11 AM

"Is a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania an alien?"

In the movie, Transylvania was a planet. So, yes, he qualifies.

Posted by: Decadence at October 25, 2011 4:21 AM

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat will always get a multipass from me

Posted by: YesPlease at October 25, 2011 4:23 AM

Matt Smith is way sexier than David Tennant. Also, Paul McGann?

Posted by: Scott at October 25, 2011 5:06 AM

Matt Smith looks like the kid from Mask after he had years of barely competent plastic surgery.

Posted by: googergieger at October 25, 2011 5:40 AM

I love it that you put Worf on the list. One of my favourtie Trek guys.

Posted by: Phedre at October 25, 2011 5:47 AM

"but go ahead and deny her hotness then. I dare you."

Oh I'll deny it alright. Can you see her forehead? It's enormous. It takes up 40% of the picture. ~That's not her cleavage it's just more forehead. I think her forehead goes down to her ankles. True fact: Before her forehead reduction surgery Katherine Heigl was the original inspiration for the moon. They scaled it down a bit because the Forehead Heig-moon was scaring people in the night sky.

Also, the other alien from Roswell High was far hotter, in a less generic kind of way, even if she also looked like she'd be the most boring human being ever to have existed. *Pines, boringly*

Posted by: Ender at October 25, 2011 5:52 AM

The divine Bridges booty always gets my vote.

I was a weirder kid than all of you. While all you other types were lusting after Aeryn Sun (and I admit that Claudia Black is impressive), my loins stirred at the thought of Anthony Simcoe as Ka D'Argo. I also feel a strong urge I can't quite explain (being gay and such) for Virginia Hey as Zotoh Zhaan. The blue lady just does it for me.

Posted by: Jerry at October 25, 2011 6:05 AM

It's nice to see I'm not the only one who had a crush on Worf - I was 8 or 9 years old.

That shot of Dr. Franken Furter has me all hot! And! Fluuhhh-huuhh-stteeerrrred!

I wish I could fall back asleep.

Posted by: Rest In Peace at October 25, 2011 7:10 AM

I demand a recount for Aeryn.

And Leloo wasn't and alien. She was a redesigned human. Of course, she was redesigned by aliens...

Posted by: Sean at October 25, 2011 7:25 AM

Wasn't Lando a human? If we're simply using the logic that all people from other planets are aliens, why is the included Star Wars character not Han or Leia?

Posted by: A-schaef at October 25, 2011 7:48 AM

So...Scarlett Johansson is filling the skinsuit originally worn by Natasha Henstridge in an unofficial remake of the semen... seminal skinemax... cinematic event Species? I mean, she can fill the bust, sure, but I don't know if she's got what it takes (specifically, a puberty-inducing clause in her contract) to pull it off with anywhere near the boners camp of the original.

Posted by: coryo at October 25, 2011 8:03 AM

A-schaef has a point. I'm smelling intergalactic reverse-racism here; JoRo needed a few more brothers in the mix and who better to fill her ridiculous Negro Quota than the Calrissian. SHAME ON YOU, JoRo! Brother packed a 40 and everything.

But yeah, you could fire my escape pod directly into the sun as long as I had Sil from Species and Number 6 -- any Number 6 -- in there with me. Though I dunno...the two of them might fight it out over which one got to fuck me to death. Oh, Science Fiction Hotties, why must you hate whitey.

Posted by: Carlos Alberto Del Castillo Cabeza Del Vaca El Dingo Martínez Escudero at October 25, 2011 8:32 AM

Having just started watching some old Who, I have to agitate for Peter Davison's presence on this list. He was a cutie back in the day!

Posted by: Anne At Large at October 25, 2011 8:35 AM

When I watched Roswell back in the day, it was all about Michael (Brendan Fehr).

This list needs someone from "Lexx." Kai, specifically. He was one tall, gorgeous glass of undead hunk.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 25, 2011 8:50 AM

I was expecting to see the "hot chicks" from Dude, Where's My Car.

regardless of the abomination that Katherine Heigl has become, she's the finest looking dame in this list (going strictly on the pictures posted here)

Posted by: Mark at October 25, 2011 9:06 AM

Nope. I point you to every other Dame on the list, and all of the Male-Dames too.

Posted by: Ender at October 25, 2011 9:18 AM

I've always had a thing for General Zod, myself.

Posted by: Foder at October 25, 2011 9:18 AM

I want to see Aeryn with a Moooltipasssss!

Posted by: karen at October 25, 2011 9:24 AM

laliari from galaxy quest, GAH

Posted by: gp at October 25, 2011 9:25 AM

Terry Farrell as Jadzia Dax? Jane Badler's Diana? Pamela Hensley's Princess Ardala? Xenia Seeburg as Xev? Mathilda May in Lifeforce?
All better choices than Slater or Heigl.
Or ScarJo: her dead eyes just kill any sexiness.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at October 25, 2011 9:52 AM

Matt Smith is way sexier than David Tennant. Also, Paul McGann?
Posted by: Scott a crazy person

Matt Smith looks like the kid from Mask after he had years of barely competent plastic surgery.
Posted by: googergieger

This wins ALL THE THINGS!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at October 25, 2011 9:57 AM

Thor: I don't know if he's an alien, but those muscles are OUT OF THIS WORLD

BAM! Thank you! I'll be here all week! Try the mutton!

Posted by: figgy at October 25, 2011 9:58 AM

No Zed? This list is bullshit! You just try to deny Sean Connery's hotness while swaddled in a reddish diaper and wearing knee-high boots.

Posted by: admin at October 25, 2011 10:02 AM

Borg: How much Borg do you have in you?
Woman: Um, none.
Borg: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

The Borg have awful pick-up lines.

Posted by: superasente at October 25, 2011 10:08 AM

Alice Krige as a borg queen

Posted by: idleprimate at October 25, 2011 10:25 AM

I confess to having had a crush on every Doctor at one time or another (except Colin Baker), but I've only ever dreamed of seducing Tennant.

I have to put a vote in for Ford Prefect (both of them) and Zephod Beeblebrox (both of them), and strangly Slartibartfast (both of them).

Posted by: BWeaves at October 25, 2011 10:26 AM

Holy disappearing Torso...am I the only one that finds that picture of Grace Park disturbing. I knew she was thin, but dang. Girl needs a A.1. Thick & Hearty STAT!.

Posted by: phase10 at October 25, 2011 10:28 AM

Came in expecting Jeri Ryan.

Left satisfied.

Posted by: Seany D at October 25, 2011 10:52 AM

Susan Oliver as The Orion Slave Girl?

Best entry on this list.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at October 25, 2011 11:09 AM

Phase10: I noticed that, too. They digitally elongated her torso in that picture. Grace Park is way shorter than Tricia Helfer.

She could also eat a few more sandwiches.


I also second Jadzia Dax from DS9.

Posted by: FabMax at October 25, 2011 12:19 PM

Grace Park is still crazy thin on Hawaii Five-0.

Posted by: Meander at October 25, 2011 12:26 PM

Mos Def as Ford Prefect is yummy.

Posted by: chipwitch at October 25, 2011 12:26 PM

Servalan?

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 25, 2011 12:38 PM

I read Under the Skin some time ago and am rather annoyed about the physical change they're doing in this adaptation -- iirc, the main character was drastically surgically altered to resemble humans, but because the aliens aren't advanced-to-the-point-of-magic advanced, almost everything about her seems off to her passengers, if not downright wrong.

So she's noticeably short, not quite correctly proportioned anywhere, doesn't move quite right (there are some passages that go into just how difficult as well as painful it is for her to get around); and despite wearing thick, thick glasses (which I think may have been used because of the surgeries, but also for obfuscation purposes), her passengers generally notice her facial scars. But the one thing that the aliens don't have to alter, that they could just slap on? Giant breasts. Which work incredibly well as a distraction for a good deal of her passengers.

Anyway, back when I read it, I was fascinated with imagining just how this character would look and move and act; something that comes right up to the edge of the uncanny valley, both in looks and in personality, and I realized I couldn't quite do it justice. So c'mon, Hollywood, this character is practically written for CGI hijinkery! Johansson can do the voice, but throw Andy Serkis into a mocap suit or somethin'.

Posted by: jayg at October 25, 2011 2:25 PM

Is a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania an alien?

*GASP*

In the movie, Transylvania was a planet. So, yes, he qualifies.

*phew*

Posted by: Anna von Beav at October 25, 2011 3:01 PM

What an intergalactically skewed and discriminatory list. We should learn to embrace non-humanoid alien sexiness, because if the aliens do show up one day, the odds are that they aren't going to look much like us.

Can I get some sexiness appreciation for Kang, Kodos, and ALF?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 25, 2011 4:01 PM

Mathilda May, Lifeforce. Shrivel me any day.

Posted by: Falstaff at October 25, 2011 4:09 PM

I third the Mathilda May suggestion.

I vote for Kodos.

Posted by: Pat C. at October 25, 2011 5:19 PM

Man when young Logan saw an Orion slave girl and it suddenly dawned on him that she was a real slave and a man could own a woman there was an epiphany in his pants.

Posted by: logan at October 25, 2011 6:13 PM

How about Kim Basinger in My Stepmother Is an Alien? I'm not the only one who remembers that movie, right?

Posted by: tamatha at October 25, 2011 9:18 PM

Oh and even though it was one of the most boring and awful movies I've ever seen that I am number four dude is pretty bangable.

Posted by: googergieger at October 25, 2011 10:06 PM

There is a serious lack of Cat on this list.

If Lando is on there, then he needs to be bumped off and my Han put on instead. As a pre-teen, even I recognised the awesomeness of Han Solo and leather pants.

Posted by: noo at October 25, 2011 10:11 PM

Jeannine, I had a huge crush on Data when I was, like, 12, so I get you. Now that I'm all growed up, though, Dorn is THE MAN.

And Ford Prefect will always be the sexiest alien on any list. I don't care who plays him.

Posted by: dsbs at October 25, 2011 10:49 PM

Lilo and Sil are up there, but Morena wins no matter what body she's inhabiting

Posted by: Protoguy at October 26, 2011 12:39 AM

@Falstaff - I did some work for Mathilda May and her husband. She's that hot and proportionately nuts

Posted by: Protoguy at October 26, 2011 12:40 AM

Thank you for mentioning Anna. Very sad V was cancelled.
And bless you for mentioning the strangely delicious Jeff Goldblum in Earth Girls Are Easy. Love him adore that movie!

Posted by: Daria at October 26, 2011 12:51 AM

Wow. That Superman picture is DOUCHETASTIC.


Well done.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at October 26, 2011 9:23 AM

Captain Jack Harkness? I'm pretty sure the Boe Peninsular is not on Earth.

And Spock - Original Flava (though Quinto is also of the hot). When I was a kid, my gang of girlfriends all wanted to grok Spock. Spock was intelligent, mysterious, cool and made of unattainium. What's not to lust after?

Posted by: Tarn at October 26, 2011 9:39 AM

This must be the first time Joe Morton ever appeared on a 'sexxy' list.

Posted by: Krazy Joe at October 26, 2011 12:58 PM

I can't believe Aeryn Sun and/or Chiana isn't on this list.

And, Matt Smith's hotness kind of grows on you. It's all in the attitude...I'm not proud to admit it.

Posted by: Stephanie at October 26, 2011 9:57 PM

ALSO,Vala from Stargate. She was from another planet.

Granted that's Claudia Black, too...but she is so damn crazy beautiful.

Posted by: Stephanie at October 27, 2011 12:07 AM

Crazy-Tyra (but I repeat myself) says, What you all doin' goin' so up-market with your picks? How about a commercial girl?

By which she must mean T'Pol / Jolene Blalock in Star Trek Enterprise.

Posted by: BierceAmbroseq at October 27, 2011 10:11 PM

How about Jesse L. Martin who played the Alien in X -Files episode "The Unnatural"... he was handsome as fuck

Posted by: Colombo at October 28, 2011 2:48 AM

Damn, people. I can't believe I had to scroll all the way down to Tarn's comment before someone mentioned Spock 1.0. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. INCLUDING YOU, JOANNA. Good day, madam.

Posted by: stardust at October 30, 2011 12:19 PM