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F**k The Academy: The 2010 Pajiba Fun Oscars

By TK | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (47)

easy-a-emma-stone-450x260.jpg

Here’s the thing: I hate awards shows. I rarely watch them, and when I do, it’s usually so I can mine them for comic relief, or spout my own pretentious blathering. It’s not that I don’t like the ideas of awards — I do. I enjoy talking about the Oscars after the fact. But the show itself always kind of bores me. Maybe it’s my lack of attention span. Maybe I’m just a surly bastard. Either way, I watched probably 30 minutes of this year’s Oscars, interspersed with writing my Drive Angry review, watching basketball, and playing Mass Effect 2. OK, there might be something to that short attention span comment.

But the other thing is that while the films nominated for Oscars are usually excellent films, they’re not always a lot of fun. And I’m a bit of a populist when it comes to movies sometimes. I like to be entertained. I like to enjoy myself. Because regardless of how wonderful Black Swan was (and it was, indeed, fantastic), it’s likely that it’s movies like Kick-Ass that are going to be the ones that I watch over and over. Perhaps I’m just not smaht or introspective enough. But there’s a reason that my news tends to focus on comic books an horror movies, as do my reviews.

So, with that said, I thought I’d go over the year’s most fun movies, and hand out awards accordingly. I’m certain that the films and players involved will all swoon upon (likely never) learning about the prestigious lauding that I’m giving, just as I’m sure that the losers will seethe with envy. But fuck it, you can’t please everyone. Also, because I am lazy and also a little bit drunk, I’m only going to focus on the main categories — who gives a hobo’s dick about the most fun sound editing, right?

So without further ado, I give you: The 2010 Pajiba Fun Oscars:

Note: All nominees and winners are graded on a complex mathematical scale combining factors including, but not limited to: sheer enjoyability, how much Scotch I’ve had to drink, how hazy my memory of the films are, laughing quotient, and whether or not my wife rolls her eyes when I talk to her about them. In other words, I’m half-assing the balls off of this.

Best Supporting Actor
Nominees:
Stanley Tucci , Easy A (If I was ever short a dad, I’d want Tucci to step in)
John Malkovich, Red (Playing Malkovich, sure, but Malkovich in a kilt with a crossbow)
Chris Evans, The Losers (Earned this for the Journey scene alone)
Dominique Pinon, Micmacs (This man deserves far more praise then he will likely ever receive)
Kieran Culkin, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (screw Michael Cera — Culkin stole literally every scene he was in)
WINNER: Kieran Culkin

Best Supporting Actress
Nominees:
Patricia Clarkson, Easy A (see comment above about Tucci, and flip it)
Helen Mirren, Red (Helen Mirren + giant-ass machine gun + wry humor = win)
Krysten Ritter, She’s Out Of My League (The best part of this movie, hands-down)
Allison Pill, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Much like Culkin beat Cena, Pill was far more entertaining than the dull Mary Elizabeth Winstead. WE ARE SEX BA-BOMB!)
Ellen Barkin, Operation Endgame (Barkin, still bringing the hotness… only psychotic this time as well. Rowr)
WINNER: Helen Mirren

Best Actor
Nominees:
Danny Trejo, Machete (The man deserves something for his years of effort in Hollywood. Consider this a body-of-work nomination)
Jeff Bridges, True Grit (The only actual Oscar nominee, because Bridges, channeling The Dude or not, was a fucking ball in this)
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, The Losers (Just too cool)
Robert Downey, Jr., Iron Man 2 (Also too cool)
Dany Boon, Micmacs (Sweet, funny, silly, and perfect in this)
WINNER: Jeff Bridges

Best Actress
Nominees:
Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass (how could she not be on the list?)
Emma Stone, Easy A (Oh, Olive. Where were you when I was in high school, damn it?)
Tina Fey, Date Night (I’m nearing a point where I’d watch Tina Fey do her taxes)
Kristen Stewart, Twilight: Eclipse (Hilarious. Absolutely brilliant satire, and one of the funniest roles — and films — of the year. Wait, what? It’s not satire? ::plugs ears:: I CAN’T HEAR YOU)
Rachel McAdams, Morning Glory (Those dimples could level cities, I tell you)
WINNER: Emma Stone

Best Picture
Nominees:
Kick-Ass (Chloe Moretz owned this movie, but it was a blast all around)
Easy A (one of the best teen comedies of the last decade, hands-down)
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (a bunch of uneven performances, but it still added up to an assload of fun)
Micmacs (Made most of Pajiba’s year-end lists, and got hosed by the Oscars)
How To Train Your Dragon (Fuck Toy Story 3)
Piranha 3D (nominated for reveling in its sheer, unrepentant stupidity)
WINNER: Micmacs

Now, please proceed with the bitching.









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Comments

The answer is always Helen Mirren.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 2, 2011 12:05 PM

Agreed that Scott Pilgrim was an assload of fun--almost entirely because of Allison Pill and Kieran Culkin. And Brandon Routh!

I'd watch the hell out of this awards show. It's what the MTV Movie Awards should be.

Posted by: figgy at March 2, 2011 12:10 PM

How To Train Your Dragon (Fuck Toy Story 3)

YES.

Posted by: TylerDFC at March 2, 2011 12:20 PM

Micmacs was just a bit too out there to hit the Academy buttons. However, the subject matter was timely, the technical elements great, and the performances strong all around. It's charming and funny and imaginative. The film's a living cartoon with social bite and Rube Goldberg goodness.

Posted by: Robert at March 2, 2011 12:25 PM

I developed a serious crush on Emma Stone this year; Olive quickly became one of my favorite movie characters. And you're right about Kieran & Allison stealing Scott Pilgrim. Great list.

Posted by: Jayne at March 2, 2011 12:28 PM

1) I was disappointed that Scott Pilgrim didn't have more Kim Pine/Alison Pill in it. She was definitely fun to watch.

2) Stanley Tucci's and Patricia Clarkson's characters in Easy A completely grossed me out, although I liked the movie. Am I alone in this? I'm guessing 'yes.' I really didn't get the appeal of having parents and kids who treated each other as "best friends" best friends, and in a non-parent-and-kid way. Giggly sex talk? Blech.

Posted by: sars at March 2, 2011 12:31 PM

Missing:

Best Supporting Actress:

The equine thespians in Sex and OH I'M SORRY WE CAN'T MAKE THAT JOKE ANYMORE...

Best Supporting Actor:

Chris Evans in Scott Pilgrim -- I'd watch every one of those fake Lucas Lee movies.

Sharlto in A*Team -- Hell yes.

Best Actress:

Zoe in The Losers -- I'm glad someone else found this movie entertaining. Also, I would totally let Zoe kick my ass.

Lindsay Lohan for Her Entire Life -- The only way she could possibly top her own downward spiral is by revealing the whole thing was a well-financed piece of performance art. I would just stand, clap, and sit back down quietly.

Best Actor:

Dieter Laser in Mmmmrfffhhmmrr -- Oh, Dr. Heiter...

Mads Mikkelsen in Valhalla Rising -- Thank you for the new improvised ways to kill people.

JP in I'm Still Here -- Because I was tripping on acid, allowed myself to believe what he was doing, and subsequently bought the whole movie. Thank God for hallucinogens.

Best Everything:

Inception -- I don't care. I sell out for Nolan.

Worst Everything:

World's Greatest Dad -- So a friend told me that this total douchebag kid dies hanging himself in the act of auto-erotic asphyxiation. We spent the whole first half of the film waiting...patiently...like a serpent. Ready to pounce when this asshat finally chokes himself with his Charlie Chaplin-in-hand. He deserved to die. Thoroughly.

And then the second half of the movie is just Bobcat Goldthwaite (the director. seriously. Bobcat.) giving you the finger. I wouldn't know how to describe a movie that ends with Robin Williams butt-naked plunging into a pool to "Under Pressure" other than a soul-scarring journey into the heart of movie madness. This film should be burned.

Fuck you, Bobcat. Fuck you right in the 'thwaite.

Posted by: D-Day at March 2, 2011 12:38 PM

On the one hand, this makes me want to see several of the movies that I've somehow missed (MicMacs and The Losers). On the other hand, maybe not, since you declare Black Swan to be fantastic. Black Swan was not fantastic. Natalie Portman was great in it, but the movie sucked balls. That last line? I don't know how Portman delivered it with a straight face.

Posted by: jimbob at March 2, 2011 12:41 PM

Ooh, I like this idea. What about other categories, like Best Score? I still think Daft Punk was robbed for not getting a nom for their work on Tron: Legacy, even though I did love Reznor's Social Network score.

And Kim Pine was the best thing about Scott Pilgrim, hands down. I'll always be in lesbians with her.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at March 2, 2011 12:41 PM

"How To Train Your Dragon (Fuck Toy Story 3)"

Amen.

Posted by: Kiddo at March 2, 2011 12:44 PM

I absolutely do not agree that the parents in Easy A treated Olive like a "friend." OK, maybe they did give her a bit more freedom to make her own mistakes that I'd give my own teenager, but they were clearly parents. Not stupid, not pretending to be equals, not caricatures of clueless authoritarians. And they were funny, too.

Posted by: Wednesday at March 2, 2011 12:49 PM

TK, please host the Oscars next year.

Posted by: agent bedhead at March 2, 2011 12:58 PM

I'm with Sars. Although I spent the first 30 years of my life wishing my mother would be different (and still do on occasion), I would hate to have those parents. Not so much for the "best friend" stuff but because no matter what was happening to their daughter it always seemed to be all about them (in which respect they're not that different to my mother only in a happy way as opposed to a morbid way).

Oh honey, I've been there.
Oh honey you should have seen me at your age.
Oh honey let me tell you what we did once.

Shut the fuck up and listen to your daughter. She's trying to tell you some pretty heavy shit.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 2, 2011 1:00 PM

And yes, I'm aware it was a comedy.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 2, 2011 1:01 PM

This is somewhat irrelevant to the current post, but I'm having the impression that an article on the Yahoo! movies was partially "stolen" from one of the ancient Pajiba posts. The writer's name is not available on the yahoo article, so I could not verify whether it was written by the same person (Daniel Carlson). I'm providing the links to the pajiba and yahoo articles below for comparison.

http://www.pajiba.com/guides/eight-films-that-shouldnt-have-won-best-picture.php

http://oscars.movies.yahoo.com/photos/169-the-academy-got-it-wrong#OmgPhoid=1

Posted by: KV at March 2, 2011 1:03 PM

Not stupid, not pretending to be equals, not caricatures of clueless authoritarians.

I may have described it poorly. I didn't think they weren't "parenting", but I thought they were still caricatures, but of hip and, really, perfect parents (in some people's view): all that trust, all that humor, all that openness, all that equality, all the giggles. Let's just say it wasn't my cup of tea.

Posted by: sars at March 2, 2011 1:12 PM

Thank you, TK, for allowing me to throw out my list of yet-to-be-seen award winners and replace it with this.

Posted by: The_wakeful at March 2, 2011 1:36 PM

Oh, I don't know. I thought Fuck Toy Story 3 was pretty good. Not as good as Fuck Toy Story 1 & 2 obvs, but pretty good nonetheless and Bugsy (the wise-cracking rabbit vibrator) really brought the pathos home at the end.

Posted by: lunggwai at March 2, 2011 1:37 PM

I couldn't agree more about Jeff Bridges in True Grit. I was basically smiling from ear to ear the moment he came on screen. The performance is just a gorram delight, maybe my favorite male performance ever.

What's my favorite female performance ever?, nobody asked. Meryl Streep in Defending Your Life. Obviously.

Posted by: RobP at March 2, 2011 1:40 PM

Mirren ALWAYS wins. She just does.

Posted by: Melody at March 2, 2011 1:44 PM

(If I was ever short a dad, I’d want Tucci to step in)

I'd want JK Simmons.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 2, 2011 1:53 PM

I would definitely want Cady Heron's parents. (Neil Flynn and Ana Gasteyer) Still need to see Easy A though, maybe they can replace the Mean Girls duo.

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 2, 2011 2:01 PM

So, I watched The Losers on the DVD a few days ago, and, although I am IN NO WAY saying it was good, I honestly didn't think it was as bad as everybody says it was. It seemed to me like what The Expendables wanted to be, with some A-Team (wrongly accused, etc. etc.) thrown in. Yeah, it was shitballs retarded, but so were those movies. Anyway, I enjoyed it. What else is there?

Also, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, rawr. Also also, Chris Pine was hysterical throughout. And I'm a sucker for Journey. So, yeah, I'd give him an Oscar.

Posted by: MM at March 2, 2011 2:06 PM

D-day: "Best Actor:

Dieter Laser in Mmmmrfffhhmmrr -- Oh, Dr. Heiter..."

BWA-HAHHAHAhahhahahahahhahahahahh!

Posted by: BWeaves at March 2, 2011 2:09 PM

I loved The Losers. Sure it was silly, but it was a blast to watch.

Posted by: camytaru at March 2, 2011 2:33 PM

"How To Train Your Dragon (Fuck Toy Story 3)"

At last, someone speaks the truth.

Posted by: elgarcon at March 2, 2011 2:48 PM

Brandon Routh should go the way of Jon Hamm and just embrace his studly looks and take roles solely where he can be a big handsome dork

Posted by: Nadine at March 2, 2011 2:53 PM

The best thing about "She's Out of My League" was Alice Eve's body. A close second was Krysten Ritter. They both need to get more work.

Posted by: Dave at March 2, 2011 3:40 PM

My Touche!

Best Supporting Actor: John Malkovich, Red (homer!)
Best Supporting Actress: Helen Mirren, Red (what versatility)

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges, True Grit (wrenwerenwenrew - that's what he said the whole movie)

Best Actress: Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass (though Emma Stone is a close 2nd.)

Best Picture: It's Kind of A Funny Story.
(How is this not on your list? The team that brought us Sugar and Half Nelson...
Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck are the best damn team in film right now.)

Posted by: Warren J at March 2, 2011 3:58 PM

I would definitely want Cady Heron's parents. (Neil Flynn and Ana Gasteyer)

Totally what I was thinking.

Posted by: Gabs at March 2, 2011 4:30 PM

This is EXACTLY how I want the real oscars to work. I loved all these choices.

Posted by: Sage at March 2, 2011 5:31 PM

DOMINIQUE PINON!

I absolutely adore how this man is a cartoon that's come to life. Both in the way that he looks as well as the way he acts. He's such a breath of fresh air from all the assembly-line big-name pretty-bland-faced actors.

Plus there is no such film of his where he doesn't seem to be having such a grand ol' time with his role.

I want Atticus Finch as my father. But if I couldn't have him, then I would love to be the baby that would be born to Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski in Away We Go.

Posted by: penelope at March 2, 2011 5:33 PM

Kick Ass was a preposterous, cheesy groan-fest, with a few great Chloe Moretz moments thrown in.

Posted by: Robin at March 2, 2011 5:44 PM

EASY A is the "KING'S SPEECH" of the nominees. It was okay but considerably overrated. It pretty much just proves that the teen comedy scene sucks in general if people are talking about this one like it's Citizen Kane.

Posted by: junierizzle at March 2, 2011 5:45 PM

What about best screenplay?

I'd put Four Lions up there.

Posted by: zomgmouse at March 2, 2011 8:20 PM

There was no film more fun this year than Scott Pilgrim, and I don't care what anyone says, I loved the leads in that movie. But yeah, Kieran Culkin was the shit.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 2, 2011 8:56 PM

I walked out of Scott Pilgrim.

Yeah, I said it!

::drops mic::

Posted by: stopthemadness presents Angry Black Lady at March 2, 2011 10:38 PM

Oh, I see. It's now trendy to think Pixar movies are overrated, and to look at Dreamworks as the edgy underdog.

It ain't someone at long last speaking "the truth," it's just trendiness masquerading as being hardcore. Pull your head out of your asses people.

That ignorant shit was enough to get me out of my lurkers chair. Wankers.

Posted by: MXM194 at March 2, 2011 11:35 PM


way to go, TK. movies as entertainment ... what a concept !!!!!

Posted by: snake at March 3, 2011 12:00 AM

Easy A was cute in a good-but-not-great way. I saw it a month ago, and while I remember loving it at the time, I cannot for the life of me recall what it was I loved so much about it. Emma's hair? The all-corset wardrobe? The guy from Gossip Girl? The annoying girl from some crappy Disney Channel sitcom? That other annoying girl from Nickelodeon days of yore?

I dunno. I think I've got one spot in my heart for teen comedies satirizing sex and religion, and it's reserved for Saved.

Posted by: nosio at March 3, 2011 1:38 AM

"How To Train Your Dragon (Fuck Toy Story 3)"

See, this is the reason I love pajiba. I don't get half the allusions or half the jokes... but this makes me very happy.

Posted by: Rooks at March 3, 2011 8:38 AM

I walked out of Scott Pilgrim.

Yeah, I said it!

::drops mic::

The opinion of this movie seems to be so all over the map that I'm not even sure what the conventional wisdom on it is anymore. Do people hate it? Love it? I thought it was awesome and a lot of fun, but I feel like I've seen a ton of people call it hipster trash.

Posted by: L4NkYb at March 3, 2011 9:55 AM

I greatly disliked Scott Pilgrim. Maybe I'm just an old sourpuss but I just don't get the praise for this. I didn't think it was fun. I thought it was a ridiculous feature length web video. If the people responsible for turning SNL sketches into horrible films made a movie from any of the various video game blog shorts, you'd get Scott Pilgrim.

I'm also home sick and watching the snow not stopping ever so that could be adding to my grumpiness. What am I doing? Pajiba is for work procrastination. I'm going back to bed.

Posted by: Paultera at March 3, 2011 10:18 AM

I LOVED SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD!! It's my favorite movie of last year, sorry MICMACS and INCEPTION.

I really can't grasp even the thought of someone not liking it. But for whatever reason some people hate it. It's totally cool to not like it, but to genuinely hate it and call it trash, I don't get it.

Posted by: junierizzle at March 3, 2011 11:43 AM

Scott Pilgrim would be a lot better if it had been called Wallace Wells vs. The Wor-- Nah. Life's Too Short, Let's Party. Or, Kim Pine and Stephen Stills and Young Neil are Sex Bob-Omb!.

I still liked it, though.

Posted by: RobP at March 3, 2011 12:27 PM

So happy to see some love for How To Train Your Dragon. Of all the movies I saw this year, that was the one I will watch over and over and not just because I am training a dog right now that is similar in size, attitude and cuteness to a dragon.

Posted by: Tits McGee at March 5, 2011 2:14 PM

It was Chris Evans in The Losers, not Pine as someone stated, although Pine has earned his funny hot guy who's a douche card, too.
Just not as consistently as Evans.
I all-around enjoyed The Losers.
My mom is convinced Jeffrey Dean Morgan is Robert Downey Jr's long-lost older bigger brother, and the similarities looks-wise is strong.
I'd like to see him in more movies. Watchmen intrigued me, and The Losers supported his appeal.

I also am in lesbians with someone, and that would be Zoe Saldana. I need to see her be really funny to seal the deal, but she is getting bigger, more diverse roles all the time.

And in closing, am I the only person who just skipped Scott Pilgrim altogether because I refuse to support Michale Cera playing Michael Cera with one more dime of my money?

Makes it hard to enjoy AD reruns now, knowing he wasn't the blank innocent on purpose.

Posted by: Spaceagepaige at March 8, 2011 12:24 PM