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Dreamcasting a Potentially Not-Terrible Version of That Live Action 'Winnie the Pooh'

By Vivian Kane | Seriously Random Lists | April 2, 2015 |


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It was announced today that Disney is planning a live action Winnie the Pooh movie. Does that sound to you like it would be 90 minutes of woodland creatures being adorable?
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That doesn’t sound like the WORST idea of the day (that title goes to Netflix’s Full House reboot), but I think we can do better. Here are some casting ideas that could go a long way to guaranteeing this movie becomes something we’d actually want to see. I don’t even care what the shooting style is— motion capture, community theater headbands with felt ears glued on, I don’t care. Just give me this cast.

Christopher Robin
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The sole human, this boy could literally be played by any child actor in Hollywood. Or anywhere. Can you express wide-eyed wonder? Great, you’re hired. You know who I’d like to see more of, though? Rohan Chand, that kid from Bad Words.
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That kid is awesome. This movie, though, is supposed to be about an adult Christopher Robin returning to the Hundred Acre Woods. So may I suggest someone who still projects that childlike wonder, but with a full range of young adult emotions?
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Rabbit
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The persnickety, irritable, rules-oriented (but lovable!) friend should be played by J.K. Simmons.
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Alternate option: SWINTON
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Piglet
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Energetic and curious to a sometimes irritating degree. Also very, very small. The casting is clear: invent a time machine, and get About a Boy-era Nicholas Hoult. (He and Rohan Chand may be interchangeable here.)
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Kanga
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If memory serves, Kanga’s a pretty boring character. Her entire personality can be distilled to “mother.” You know who’s an awesome fictional mother, loving and protective like Kanga, but also complex and f*cking badass, like real-world mothers? Constance F*cking Wu.
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Roo
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Roo is energetic and playful, like Piglet on Adderall. Let’s get Nasim Pedrad for this one. “But Vivian,” I hear you say, “Nasim Pedrad is a grown-ass woman, not a small child.” To which I remind you that she does a dead-on Aziz Ansari impression, who is himself basically the (technically adult) human manifestation of Roo.
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Tigger
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Obviously.
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Owl
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A suggestion:
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Eeyore
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Aubrey Plaza. This is not up for debate.
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There is only one choice for Winnie the Pooh himself.
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And that is Happy Ending’s Max. No, not Adam Pally. The character of Max.
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Movie: cast. You’re welcome, Hollywood.


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