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Best Movie Dweebs

A Seriously Random List / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | June 11, 2009 | Comments (44)

Movie dweebs are distinct from both movie geeks and movie nerds. Dweebs are neither smart, like nerds, nor do they have specialized knowledge or obsessions, like computers or comic-books. They’re just dorks. Hopeless fucking dorks. They’re never the leading man; the occasionally play the best friend role. And while they occasionally lose their virginity in comedic subplots, they always begin a movie as a virgin.

Here are the five greatest dweebs of cinema.

5. McLovin, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Superbad

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4. Ducky, Jon Cryer — Pretty in Pink

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3. Kenny, Seth Green, Can’t Hardly Wait

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2. The Geek, Anthony Michael Hall — Sixteen Candles

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1. Charles De Mar, Curtis Armstrong — Better off Dead

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Comments

Once again, this list SUCKS:

Gary and Wyatt, Weird Science HELLO!?!?!? and we are missing a couple of Goonies here..oh my god.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 11, 2009 4:04 PM

Ducky was oddball but not really a geek. Not that I've ever seen Pretty in Pink. I spent the 80s watching wrestling. And Hellraiser. And Faces of Death. And porn. Lots and lots of straight porn. And lesbian porn. Yessir. Nothing hotter than two chicks getting it on.

Ah, fuck you.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 11, 2009 4:11 PM

I like Seth well enough, sure, but no goddamn fuckshitting way is he gonna place above Ducky.


And "The Geek"'s name is FARMER TED!!!!!

Posted by: Jay at June 11, 2009 4:18 PM

Oh, Faces of Death. There's a name I haven't heard since 1989...

Slim, Gary and Wyatt were smart, therefore nerds... didn't you read Dustin's definition?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 11, 2009 4:19 PM

Gary and Wyatt were computer geeks. They created a WOMAN, for Godtopus's sake. Definitely not dweebs...

Posted by: Trouble at June 11, 2009 4:19 PM

Farmer Ted... you should give up your movie police badge and stop making Facebook type lists of shit.

Posted by: Ted at June 11, 2009 4:25 PM

Solid List. How about Chuck Sherman (aka Chris Owen) from American Pie as an honorable mention? That guy specialized in Dweebs and Nerds.

And I can't believe Jerry Lewis doesn't deserve a space on this list somewhere. He'll certainly top the list created at Pajiba-Paris.

Posted by: ed newman at June 11, 2009 4:41 PM

Barbadoslim, I have to agree with you.
This list is tragically missing some
of the best movie dweebs of cinimatic
history.

It's not just Anthony Michael Halls better roles from
"16 Candles" and "The Breakfast Club."
How about Donnie from "The Big Lebowski"
How about Dick and Barry from "High Fidelity"
How about the entire cast of "Nerds"

That's just off the top of my head.
I can't even imagine what I could come
up with given actual thought.

Posted by: superasente at June 11, 2009 4:44 PM

CHUNK!
CHUNK!
CHUNK!

Posted by: Phat girl at June 11, 2009 4:46 PM

Aww, Curtis Armstrong, somehow I know you would smell like sour cream and onion Pringles and grape pez.

Is it wrong that my childhood self thought after a shower and several kinds of disinfectant you could be redeemable?

Posted by: Morgagod at June 11, 2009 4:48 PM

it has been a while, but wasn't Ally Sheedys character in the breakfast club a dweeb?
or was she more a freak?

Posted by: badalamenti at June 11, 2009 5:02 PM

I have to go with Curtis Armstrong as Booger in the Revenge Of The Nerds series

Posted by: jar at June 11, 2009 5:03 PM

At little off topic, but CNN.com is reporting that Chastity Bono is becoming a man.

Then again, maybe not so off topic.

Posted by: BWeaves at June 11, 2009 5:11 PM

Holy moly! It's as if the stars aligned and Mars diddled Venus' privates! Earlier:

11. Favorite John Hughes character?
The geek trio from Sixteen Candles - Farmer Ted, Cliff, and
Bryce. I love the scene where Ted wakes them up to get the
picture of him and Caroline in the Rolls Royce...

I don't know where you hide the camera in my brain, Mr. Rowles, but be assured I'll be digging in my ear with a chopstick once I'm done typing this...

Posted by: Skitz at June 11, 2009 5:20 PM

Tracy Flick, people.

Posted by: samantha t at June 11, 2009 5:53 PM

Ducky wasn't a dweeb! He was a loner, a rebel....

Wait, that was Pee Wee Herman. Nevermind. Carry on.

Posted by: Melissa at June 11, 2009 6:00 PM

Slim, Gary and Wyatt were smart, therefore nerds... didn't you read Dustin's definition?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 11, 2009 4:19 PM

----------------------------------------------

You really wanna go that way? AH? Seriously?

I question your geekosity quotient madam. Gary and Wyatt were NOT nerds by applicable movie standards, they were dweebs with a computer.

For comparison purposes: Cusack (Bryce) and Harris (Cliff) in Sixteen Candles. THOSE two were nerds

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 11, 2009 6:11 PM

To my mind Long Duck Dong was the greatest dweeb of all..and not just because of the cultural differences...he was just purely, hormonally, joyously dweebish.

Posted by: dawn at June 11, 2009 6:26 PM

Tracy Flick was class President!! You are not Dweeby if you are well known enough to get elected.

A key characteristic of these people is invisibility. and it's the most painful kind of invisibility - they desperately, desperately want to be seen, and yet the world walks right through them.

That is the true defining characteristic of the list above.

In fact, there's really two lists here: desperately seeking attention, and comfortable in their own skin oddball.

Think: "Can't Buy Me Love" vs."Ghost World"

Charles deMar, more "oddball"

Farmer Ted, desperate for recognition of any type.

Posted by: morganew at June 11, 2009 6:31 PM

Well, I guess arguing with this list is predicated on BUYING INTO Dustin's definitions. It would seem that BarbadoSlim doesn't agree with those definitions in the first place, so -- the point, in his case, is moot. As they say.

Dweebs and geeks and nerds, oh my.

But, DUSTIN... by YOUR OWN DEFINITION... You claim that "dweebs are not smart..."

And you place DUCKY on this list???

Come the fuck ON, Bridget!!!

Ducky is smart. He may have a hapless crush on a woman destined never to be his -- and that ONLY because the asshole writing the movie is pandering SHAMELESSLY to the teenaged girls in his target audience, mind you...

But the Duckman is SMART as a fuckin' WHIP. He is smart, he is WITTY, he is SUAVE; his taste in MUSIC is EXQUISITE... and soon, VERY soon on his plane of existence, that young man is going to start getting laid by women who DESERVE him. Women FAR better looking and of a FAR higher calibre in EVERY imaginable category than that little tramp -- who cannot, by the way, design a prom dress any better than she can pick out a prom dress.

So you have disobeyed the laws of your own damned universe. The Duckster is no DWEEB, my friend. I'm not sure if there is a WORD for what he is --but it sure as fuck ain't "dweeb."

I cry foul.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 11, 2009 6:50 PM

Work break. Here's a few more.

Kent "Flounder" Dorfman: "Animal House"
George McFly: "Back to the Future"
Cameron Frye: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
Chad Feldheimer: "Burn After Reading"
Craig Schwartz: "Being John Malkovich"

Posted by: superasente at June 11, 2009 6:52 PM

DAMN it --

"design a prom dress any better than she can pick out a prom dress."

I meant, of course, design a prom dress any better than she can pick out a prom DATE.

WHY do I never avail myself of the Preview feature? Hubris. Sheer hubris.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at June 11, 2009 6:53 PM

Kenneth from "Can't Buy Me Love"

Posted by: DRE at June 11, 2009 6:58 PM

Michael Bolton "Office Space"
Vizzini "Princess Bride"
Dark Helmet "Spaceballs"
Piggy from "Lord of the Flies"
Napoleon Fucking Dynamite

Y'know what, I can't stop thinking of Dweebs now. Usually I like these lists (when Seth isn't sucking Whedon's cock), but I just have to call shenanigans on this one. Charles Du'Mar was a stroke of genius and Farmer Ted was a solid selection for AMH -- but c'mon -- DUCKY? MCLOVIN? Ducky and McLovin are bigger dweebs than George McFly, Napoleon Dynamite, and Gary and Wyatt?

I don't think so.

I'm not mad at you, Rowles. I'm just (sigh), I'm dissapointed.

Posted by: superasente at June 11, 2009 7:16 PM

What about Long Duck Dong? Where does he fit into this????

"What the hell are you bitchin' about? I have to sleep under a chinaman named after a duck's dork..."

And for reals, Weird Science is reeeeaaaaly fucking funny when you've come across it on TV on a Friday night after smoking a fat-bat with your hubby.....

Posted by: Janey at June 11, 2009 7:32 PM

I love this list, and the only one I would think to add would be George McFly. The guy was a Grade-A LOSER.

Posted by: figgy at June 11, 2009 7:32 PM

And, the thing I love about movie dweebs is how completely OBLIVIOUS to their own dweebdom they are. They live their weird little lives, and they love them, and they see no reason to change. They're lack of self-awareness makes them adorable. Just look at McLovin'. I want him as a pet.

Posted by: figgy at June 11, 2009 7:40 PM

That's LORD Helmet.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 11, 2009 8:35 PM

Definitely agree that The Sherminator from 'American Pie' needs to be on this list.

I would also consider adding Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter series.

Maybe Jack Black as Lance in 'Orange County' too? I mean, he wasn't cool, he was definitely not smart, and although his laid quotient might not be as low as some of the others, it was pretty much blind luck.

Posted by: kellyo at June 11, 2009 8:39 PM

DJ Qualls in every movie he's ever been in, and possibly in real life as well. Even in the movie he starred in, he was a dweeb.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 11, 2009 8:48 PM

Gaah, yes! DJ Qualls is the definition of dweeb.

Posted by: figgy at June 11, 2009 8:55 PM

"...who cannot, by the way, design a prom dress ..."

Thank you, Maryscott O'Connor, for this. I have always HATED that dress. That dress ruins the movie for me.

Posted by: elsie at June 11, 2009 9:12 PM

I concur, with elsie's concurrance with Maryscott. Pretty in Pink? More like...uh... UNpretty in Stink! Ha ha! I should be a famous movie reviewer.

I loved Kenny. Seriously, I thought he was so cute. And I always used to randomly tell people to "look in mirror-you're white!" Nobody ever knew what I was talking about. I got a lot of weird looks back then.

Posted by: SaBrina at June 11, 2009 9:23 PM

Toby Radloff, American Splendor. A man of integrity who is not afraid to be just who he is. I especially love the scene where they drive hours to see Revenge of the Nerds because it represents for them!

Posted by: Mattie at June 11, 2009 9:47 PM

Bravo to whoever mentioned Flounder from Animal House. "Flounder...why Flounder?" "WHY NOT? [burp]"

Posted by: samantha t at June 11, 2009 10:13 PM

I agree that Duckie doesn't belong on this list. Dude was cool and smart.

Posted by: Cindy at June 11, 2009 11:33 PM

Late, but I just have to say....

Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

This, my friends, is my mantra. It has served me well.

That is all.

Posted by: dammitjanet at June 12, 2009 8:49 AM

And I can't believe Jerry Lewis doesn't deserve a space on this list somewhere. He'll certainly top the list created at Pajiba-Paris.

Pajiba Paris's list probably looks something like this:

5. Jerry Lewis in The Geisha Boy

4. Jerry Lewis in that Law and Order SVU episode he was in. You know, the one with Munch's uncle.

3. Jerry Lewis in Cinderfella

2. Jerry Lewis in The Nutty Professor

1. Jerry Lewis in The Day the Clown Cried

Note: That's not just the "Best Movie Dweebs" list, that's EVERY SINGLE LIST! "Best Downer Pictures", "Best Upper Pictures", "Best Dog Fights", "Best On Screen Kiss", "Best Bestiality/Musical Genre Pictures", "Best Jerry Lewis as Jerry Lewis Performances", and the truly disturbing one, "Best HOVENMAVYENSCHADENFREUDEGESHUNTHEITNICELADY! Pictures".

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at June 12, 2009 9:12 AM

"This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?"

"I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls."

God I love that movie.

Posted by: Fuel at June 12, 2009 12:11 PM

Toad, American Graffiti, geez...

Better late than never.

Posted by: boz at June 12, 2009 8:25 PM

While we're discussing the utter travesty that is this list, let it be said that some categories utterly trump others. Not that I want to ignore the lunacy of attempting to make dweebs a mutually exclusive subcategory from geeks and nerds (the latter being shown in Revenge of the Nerds to be virtually all-inclusive) and then failing to provide even five proper examples, but De Mar is a burn-out. Burn-outs are not dweebs, even in PG movies. Ricky is the dweeb of the movie. Lane is even more dweeby than Charles throughout most of the movie.

And to add to the non-high school list, Milton Waddams, especially since Long Duck Dong cannot be topped. He's the original McLovin (and I also call bullshit on McLovin since he's so obviously the leading man).

Posted by: schmatever at June 14, 2009 9:54 PM

Come on!! Kenny was an idiot in Can't
Hardly Wait but the true dweebs of the piece are the X-philes. My retainer looks like a Klingon destroyer??

Plus just gotta say I love William. "I can't feel my legs... I HAVE NO LEGS!"

Posted by: Nxx at June 15, 2009 12:50 AM

Meant to say Long Duck was the original McLovin. Sorry if anyone still reading this thread was confused.

Posted by: schmatever at June 15, 2009 11:53 AM

Joel in Adams Family Values, anyone?

Posted by: amo at June 15, 2009 1:22 PM