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Wherein I Dream Cast A Buffy The Vampire Slayer Reboot That Wouldn't Make Me Gag

By Rob Payne | Seriously Random Lists | July 10, 2012 | Comments ()


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I recently got one of my best friends, and roommate/comic collaborator, to finally give Joss Whedon's much-beloved, and much-misunderstood-by-those-who-haven't-yet-given-it-a-shot, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" a shot. We finished season two this weekend and I think he's in it for the long haul now, so we can potentially add another to our ever growing ranks of wannabe Scoobies. But I've seen the show so many times now that during heavy stretches of Monster of the Week episodes my mind tends to wander, and I began thinking about who else could say these lines and wield these stakes. There's been talk for years since the show ended that there could be a reboot of the franchise in film form, most recently without any approval or content control from creator Joss Whedon. Thankfully, the most recent iteration of the project sank back into the aether, but don't for once let your guard down. Because someone somewhere will try again to bring Buffy back to the big screen, and that person may just be successful.

That said, as much as we Pajibans love us some "Buffy" (and we really, really do), I don't think a reboot, or a new adaptation on the previous material, is necessarily a big bad thing. As Whedon has said himself, he hoped the character would live on beyond him, like Batman has far outlived Bob Kane. Of course, the man is still very much alive and it wouldn't sit well with anyone if he got Alan Moore'd or Dan Harmon'd out of his creation's future. But what if, now that the man is a proven Hollywood player, he could get the rights to his main character and bring Buffy back to cinematic life? The question isn't whether he should or would, but if he could. What then?

He probably couldn't do a continuation of the TV series ala the Star Trek films, because many of the actors have said they're done and the story is already continuing in the comics. And just like Star Wars, the "expanded universe" isn't something that warrants adaptation, though the bigger budgets of a major motion picture could easily do some of those larger set pieces justice. But is Buffy really about an army of slayers fighting the forces of evil and shadowy governments, or is Buffy about a teenage girl who meets her monster hunting destiny with friends, medieval weaponry, and barbed wit? Whatever happens next with the character(s), unless nothing happens at all, it will assuredly happen in a high school constructed over a Hellmouth. So in that vein, and emulating Jill Pantozzi's "Star Trek: The Next Generation" dream cast over on The Mary Sue, I've attempted to re-cast our favorite little show that could into a big budget, blockbusting film.

Remember, it's all in fun, so don't get too venomous until you've had a chance to pick up what I'm laying down. Enjoy!


Jennifer Lawrence as Buffy Summers
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You wouldn't be wrong to cry foul here, what with Lawrence already tackling two franchise leading roles with Katniss Everdeen and Mystique in Hunger Games and X-Men, respectively, it seems like someone else ought to get a chance to become a breakout star. But, hey, if Christian Bale can be Batman, John Connor, and (sort of) Bob Dylan then why can't J-Law get three high profile characters to play around with, too? As a convincing kicker of asses, immeasurably gorgeous, and legitimately hilarious in real life, she also happens to be perfect for the role that made Sarah Michelle Gellar and (sort of) Kristy Swanson household names. Don't lie, you know you want to see her dust, like, all the vamps.


Channing Tatum as Angel/Angelus
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For someone Pajiba once unlovingly dubbed "Charming Potato," he's proving himself to be quite the Hollywood renaissance man. He may never be the best part of anything he does, but he's quickly becoming not-the-worst and somewhat more than only a slab of beef, and for that his tuberous nickname has become a term of endearment. It's actually eerily reminiscent of David Boreanaz's original take on the character, who became far more interesting and more interestingly portrayed when the actor was given a chance to loosen up and have fun. At the very least, Tatum's attempt at an Irish accent certainly couldn't be any worse, though Tom Hardy might be the actual correct pick.


Tom Hiddleston as Rupert Giles
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Unlike most of the rest of this dream cast, Hiddles would be playing older than his real age (he's 31, J-Law is 21, and everyone else is in their mid-to-late 20s) in order to bring Anthony Stewart Head's wise middle-aged man to cinematic life. But, without pilfering from the casts of "Doctor Who," Hiddleston is clearly the best choice for the part: equally believable as half-stuffy British librarian who would bristle petulantly about manhandling an ancient tome and an ex-Punker cabable of clobbering Angelus with a fiery club in the very next scene. He is Buffy's Watcher, after all, and if anyone besides her ought to be able to throw a decent punch, it's him. Plus, we know he can sing and play the guitar, which is more important than one might think.


Jena Malone as Willow Rosenberg
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Generally I've tried to prevent choosing multiple overlapping cast members from other big Hollywood franchises here, but at the moment Jena Malone isn't yet a co-star in Catching Fire, the Hunger Games sequel. She will be, but until then (and even after) she's the only actress I can conceive of taking over the role of Willow from Alyson Hannigan. I considered several gingers at first to keep it traditional (Jane Levy, Rose Leslie, Karen Gillan), but Malone offers the range necessary for the characters total arc from nerdy, scientific wallflower to dangerous, empowered witch. And if hair color really matters that much to you, don't worry, Malone can also rock the redhead.


Andrew Garfield as Xander Harris
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Garfield is just coming off playing Spider-Man, so why would he take a demotion to being Buffy's third banana? Well, in my mind, this movie is as big as The Avengers and every character gets mostly equal screen time with only the titular vampire slayer getting more than the average. Regardless, so many of the things that make the actor work as Peter Parker are what's necessary to flesh out Xander, which is why Nicholas Brendan would have made a fairly decent webslinger back in the day. And if you haven't, check out The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus for proof that Garfield can handle Xander's dickish moments without coming off totally unlikeable, which is the reason both Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg were eventually ruled out.


Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Cordelia Chase
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Originally, I considered Megan Fox for the part of Buffy's high school nemesis and eventual full-fledged member of the Scoobies, but I realized during a recent re-watch of some early episodes that what made Charisma Carpenter so great -- and she was (so, so great) -- was that even when being a total bitch, she was charming. Fox can handle the one, but not so much the other. However, Mary Elizabeth Winstead has shown she can do both in movies like Sky High, Death Proof, and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. The biggest difference between the big and small screens would probably be that Carpenter's Cordelia was unwittingly smarter than she knew/let on, but Winstead's would probably own it far sooner. Sounds like an acceptable sacrifice to me.


Donald "Childish Gambino" Glover as Daniel "Oz" Osbourne
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I know, I know, Glover is my go-to actor for almost everything, but it's only because he should be in everything. I toyed with slotting him in the Xander role, because I still want him to play Spider-Man some day and by the transitive properties of thespianism, that means he'd probably kill slay as Xander, too. Then I realized that the performer's civilian identity is actually less like Troy Barnes and a bit more like Seth Green's Oz than, and that we can simply change the character's spot as lead guitarist in Dingoes Ate My Baby to being a burgeoning MC named Dingo Baby-Eater. Or something more better, like his inevitable cover of the theme song by Nerf Herder for the soundtrack would clearly be. As a bonus, Glover playing a werewolf would totally be a meta-reference to "Community."


Elizabeth Shue as Joyce Summers
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Yeah, yeah, I know I said I didn't want overlapping casts, but here I am picking another actress who has/will have acted opposite Jennifer Lawrence. I haven't yet seen House at the end of Street, but as soon as I heard Shue would play Lawrence's mother, I knew the casting director was onto something. So, I'm going to say that background is actually beneficial here, giving the two women a history and a certain level of comfort that might also be evident in their performances. And, again, I can't help it if she just happens to be perfect as Buffy's cool-but-concerned mom. Not to put too fine a point on it, but her flirtations with Tom Hiddleston's Giles would be legendary.


Bradley Whitford as Principal R. Snyder
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Since this is a Joss Whedon joint, there's got to be some crossover talent with the writer/director/producer's earlier work. I initially considered Clark Gregg, who's Agent Coulson is one of the best parts of the entire Marvel movie smorgasbord. But, ultimately, I think he's just a bit too grounded to play the deliberately cruel and vindictive Principal Snyder than Armin Shimerman could do in his sleep. That said, with The Cabin in the Woods, Bradley Whitford is a recent addition to the Whedonverse and can do that in his sleep -- while also baking a pie and standing on his head. He's the kind of actor who play an irreedeemable asshat and still be the most entertaining thing happening on screen. Just imagine his character from Billy Madison, but aged 20 years and never having learned a thing.


Natalie Tena as Drusilla and Dominic Monaghan as Spike
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These were both the hardest and easiest roles to cast. On the one hand, Juliet Landau and James Marsters created two of the most indelible characters on the 1990s TV landscape and so seem more irreplaceable than any of the other actors (no offense meant to SMG and the rest), playing the eternal incarnations of Sid and Nancy. On the other hand, Natalia Tena (as Tonks in the Harry Potter series, Osha in "Game of Thrones") and Dominic Monaghan (Lord of the Rings' Merry, Charlie Pace on "LOST," the only legitimately great part of "Flash Forward") seemed like absolute no-brainers once my mental rolodex reached their names. In fact, the main reason I didn't scrap this article as being too fantastical to take seriously is because I now desperately want to see Monaghan and Tena play these parts somehow, some way. As the Big Bads for a theatrical Buffy reboot would just be too awesome to ignore.

So, that's who would populate the first movie in a potential Buffy the Vampire Slayer trilogy with Joss Whedon's approval and control, if I had my druthers. I would imagine it would cover the major beats of seasons one and two, replacing the Master with Spike and Drusilla so Angel could become Angelus around the midpoint and glossing over any monster-of-the-week stuff. Oh, and at some point Ron Perlman would make a cameo as the Judge. Obviously.

More than likely, Kendra wouldn't make the cut due time constraints (but if she did, I nominate Zoe Saldana) and Oz would take a bit of a backseat until the second movie, which would adapt the third season Mayor plot and keep it mostly intact. For poops and chuckles, here's who I'd pick to fill out the most important roles in the first sequel:

Adrianne Palicki as Faith Lehane
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As memorable as Faith is, Eliza Dushku doesn't exactly leave the biggest shoes to fill, but the character is essentially all attitude, anyway. But the character is important for the development of Buffy and having someone a little older and little more obviously capable of handling themselves, in the alluring form of the once and never again Wonder Woman, Adrianne Palicki, could make that work in a single film's running time. She would also be an easy answer as to why nobody seems to care that there's a homeless teenager wondering the halls of Sunnydale High -- she graduated already and is "hired" by Giles to be his assistant. It doesn't hurt that Palicki and Lawrence have vaguely similar looks, making the good/bad slayer dichotomy that much more resonant.


Daniel Radcliffe as Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
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When you've got a new slayer, you naturally need a new Watcher and Alexis Denisoff's Weslie is precisely what one would expect Giles to be. All prim and proper and very awkward, and exceedingly English. That's not exactly how Radcliffe portrayed Harry Potter, but it's not very far off and since he's more age-appropriate his budding failed relationship with Cordelia would play less creepy-stalkery and more goofy-potential stalkery. I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait for the Angel movie spin-off movie.


Bryan Cranston as Mayor Richard Wilkins
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Henry Groener's Mayor Wilkins will probably stand the test of time as one of the best TV and pop culture villains ever. The performance, with equal parts Mayberry and menace, is Top Ten material everytime. But some of that is due to the writers really giving him a lot to work with, which is why, frankly, I'd love to see another actor take a bite out of the part. Mayor Wilkins ought to be Iago or the Joker, in terms of actors getting their shot. Bryan Cranston, who can do modern Mayberry ("Malcolm in the Middle") and god damn menace ("Breaking Bad") with equal aplomb was the first and last name to pop into my head, and he's the second reason after Dominic Monaghan and Natalia Tena that I wanted to finish this piece. By Jove, this could be the greatest villain performance ever seen in a multiplex. Now that I've thought it, I can't unthink it.

The third and final installment could gloss over most of seasons four through six to focus on the First Evil from season seven, but it would also be interesting to see the story conclude after the graduation in mostly unexpected ways. Whatever happens, Buffy needs to die onscreen at least twice in the course of the series.


So, how did that work out? Do you still want to chase me down with pitchforks and torches, or could you possibly, one day, maybe imagine a less brutal world wherein a rebooted Buffy the Vampire Slayer wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen to anyone in history? More importantly, who would you cast, and who that I left out do you think just has to be there or it's all moot?

The floor is yours, just try not to mop it up with me. Pretty please...


Rob Payne also writes the indie comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter, tumbls on the Tumblr, and his wares can be purchased here. He almost said that Donald Glover's Oz should change his nickname to Wiz, but that would be streets behind.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Lena

    I think Hiddles would make a better Spike, personally. But some of these seem spot on (Malone as Willow is perfect!).

  • Michael Fassbender as Spike in the movie version. Candice Accola as buffy, jennifer lawrence doesn't give off that dumb vibe enough.

  • rick

    Chloe Moretz as Buffy

  • rehabber

    I have never been able to see anyone other than James Marsters as Spike, but I could get behind Dominic.

  • lgb

    You lost me when you suggested Donald Glover as Daniel Osbourne... not just because of the obvious reason, but because I'm sorry, Oz isn't the kind to be some kind of MC. He's too stoic for that, he likes keeping to himself. It's why having him playing guitar and not being lead vocalist was perfect, he's important but he didn't need to be showy. To be an MC he'd have to be showy which is completely against the character. Almost everyone else I agree on... though really the ultimate Buffy Movie cast would be the Buffy TV cast

  • Edith

    Love it, except I might switch Whitford and Cranston. Totally with you on Dom Monaghan - would LOVE to see what he'd do with Spike.

  • totz the plaid

    I hated this... then I read it, and now I love it... with one exception: Dominic Monaghan. He's great, don't get me wrong, but Joel McHale would be better.

    Dom doesn't have the sex appeal necessary, but McHale does, and the skill to pull it off.

  • Skytteflickan

    Nice article (I really wish I had a source to prove that Faith was suppose to be younger than Buffy). But why make Giles and Wesley so young, casting such young actors? Part of the appeal of Giles was that he was older, and Wesley yoo(not quite as old though). The characters was suppose to breath experience, and be able to guide the young slayers.

  • Jess

    What about David Tennant as Giles? He's proven to be a very versatile actor. I think he could make a really fantastic bookish Brit with a badass history. (Although... I know he can passably sing, but I don't know about playing guitar...)

    Also, maybe it's just because I've been impressed with her recent movie performances, but I'm thinking of Emma Stone as Willow more than Jena Malone, whose acting has never impressed me.

    Donald Glover as Oz? Perfect. I also love your casting for Dru, Buffy, and Xander.
    I'd have to see Channing Tatum as Angel to believe it.

    The idea of a Buffy reboot kind of scares me.

  • An Actual Fan

    this is absolutely the most disgusting suggestion of buffy casting i have ever seen. all of them are just wrong. wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. channing tatum? CHANNING TATUM?! you're obviously suffering from a serious bout of brain damage brought on from too many viewings of magic mike.

  • Estevan

    I am as big a Buffyfreak as they come as a child I grew waiting week to week to see my slayer reborn and grow. This casting although expensive would be amazing from one Buffy fan to another, well played

  • So much I could say, but I can't forgive the Eliza Dushku "doesn't exactly leave big shoes to fill" comment. I don't know why people hate on her so much. She made one of the most complex characters come to life changing the bad girl archetype forever. It was kind of the point that no one did care a homeless teen was running around Sunnydale. But, most of your cast pics were okay. a big NO scream on Tatum though

  • Diana

    We think that the best and only movie regarding Buffy the Vampire Slayer is to have Sarah Michelle Gellar protray Buffy. We also favor the original cast from the TV show appearing as the cast. It would please more of the fans!

  • F Bomb!!!

    Natalie Tena as Drusilla, genius. Pure genius.

  • Lueur

    I strongly disagree with most of these choices, except for Natalie Tena as Drusilla which could be worth a try and Bryan Cranston as Mayor Richard Wilkins which would be awesome! But seriously, I'd be more interested in seeing NEW characters in the same universe than the old Scooby gang and villains.

  • I'd also nominate Emma Stone as Anya, and there also needs someone to play Harmony, Cordelia's bestie.

  • I don't know if anyone else has mentioned her, but if you are going to have Angel Darla, and Drusilla, you need to have a DARLA. She, after all, sired Angel. #IJS

  • Ashley.

    since i'm pretty sure daniel radcliffe would be "unavailable" I think Ian Harding (Ezra Fitz from Pretty Little Liars) would make a good Wesley. And I'm not too sold on Dominic either. But otherwise a great list!

  • Why do a poor imitation of something that was just perfect as it was?

  • v_v the only 2 people here I agree with is andrew garfield and donald glover....and donald glover only cause he's donald glover

  • Soliloquygirl

    Dominic monaghan is just...the farthest thing from Spike. I literally don't think anyone else could pull off that part. Although the part of me that has read ten thousand Harry Potter Buffy fanfiction crossover is screaming 'Tom Felton' at me. But still...just no.

  • Lettice Peyton

    Your choice for Spike is terrible. Just terrible. Dominic Monaghan is not even remotely sexy and Spike oozed sex.

  • TWoP Fan

    Ben Foster for Spike. It would be EPIC. He can do crazy and charming. Trust.

  • iforgotmyhandle

    Jaysus yes! I want to upvote this to infinity.

  • Haystacks

    James Master's should play Spike in the reboot

  • valerie

    Not to burst your bubble, but i would assume (and dearly hope) that if they do reboot Buffy, it'll be with a fresh take and completely different characters. Doing a character for character remake would be disastrous and no amount of dream casting changes that.

  • Princess Di

    I am a HUGE fan of Buffy and a reboot of any kind makes me very uncomfortable. That being said, I always thought Alison Brie would make a lovely Buffy.

  • minxy

    This whole line of thought is too depressing, no matter how spot on the casting would be. It's like dad trying to introduce you to your new mommy. Please stop.

  • Stan

    Man, why did you have to bring up the Donald Glover Spider-Man? I loved Garfield as Peter Parker, but I still wanna see Glover try the role. Maybe they'll kill off Parker in the third one and bring in Glover with a trilogy as Miles Morales. He'll probably be too old by then, though.

  • KatSings

    I prefer Tom Hardy to Channing Tatum as Angel, particularly if there's
    any time spent as Angelus. Channing I'm fine with in the broody Angel
    stuff, but I can't seem him having the proper gleeful malice of Angelus -
    Tom Hardy, however...

    I don't love Jena Malone as Willow. I'll think on who I'd like better.
    It's not the worst thing ever (and part of my dislike stems from me
    still being mad that she's probably playing Johanna Mason), but I think
    there has to be a better choice out there than that. Dom is the worst. THE WORST. Being an angry asshole in a music video does not
    make you filled with swaggering charm. He's also wee tiny - Spike
    cannot be only an inch taller than me. Natalie Tena as Dru is AWESOME
    though. I'd also prefer Naya Rivera as Faith. I love Adrienne, but I feel like
    she's too old for it. I never thought of Faith as being much older
    than Buffy, but if you put Adrienne and JLaw into a frame together,
    there's going to be a rather noticeable difference in age.

    Otherwise I'm pretty down with this list.

  • mb

    No. No no no. NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

  • Milly

    For Willow I'd be more inclined to go for someone like Rachel Bilson. Teeny Tiny who can do cute but you know can flick a switch and go full dark Willow.

    Spike, Giles and Wes don't fit, and neither does C-Tates for Angel.

    Zachary Levi could make an odd switch to an American Wes, as he has that sort of nervousness and awkwardness that would fit the part, and being younger he could be a bit more tech savvy which would play off well against an older Giles who I am actually struggling to find someone to fit. Actually, how about Mark Ruffalo? That calmness as Banner, while also hiding something in his past, could translate well to Giles. And may not even need to be an English character, and translate him to NY and CBGBs.

    And I have no other alternatives for Angel or Spike. Angel needs to be played by someone 6'3+ and broad shouldered (helps with the brooding), while Spike needs to be like his little brother; shorter, scrawnier and of a different temperament (which is why it worked on the show). But no one springs to mind.

    As for the English to US changes, I'm English and while it may grate a bit, it would end up with a more consistent arrangement.

  • JaneM

    I just don't think you understand the premise of Buffy at all. At all. How you could you forget Ayna for a start (correct spelling Aine)? Monaghan for Spike? WTF? Too small but I suppose the accent would be closer to authentic. Spud for Angel? Noooooooooo. The best suggestion was Saiorse Ronan for Willow (and that was from a commentator not the authorl) yay would totally get behind that otherwise rethink the rest with imagination please. You are pushing a love affair with Hiddleson (who is fab fair enough) so everyone is agreeing and voting him into a role unsuited for his age. Martin Freeman would be more apt. Or John Simm. Or how about Andrew Scott? Naughty but fair as the watcher. Phroaaah

  • KatSings

    It's Anya, actually.

  • Melody Be

    I approve, overall excellent choices. J-Law and Charmig Potato are inspired picks. As is Glover for Oz. Not so sure about DM as Spike, but then again Spike is my favorite TV character of all time, so I'm a bit biased. James Marsters is Spike and will always be Spike, so if we can invent a machine to stop him from aging; that would be great.

  • cinekat

    You leave my blondie bear alone!

  • Dem0n-Hunter

    Channing Tatum as Angel, please, I would rather see Supernatural's Jensen Ackles as Angel.

  • Cordy (yep, really!)

    Oh EXCELLENT call. Or Matt Bomer.

  • Ash

    disagree on most of these (but probably because i can't get over whedon's buffy and angel cast).
    if xander is andrew garfield, can we take advantage of his IRL relationship and cast emma stone as willow?

  • Marcela

    Wow. First time in a while I've been mostly in favour of a seriously random list. I agree with everyone about Dom... the sex just isn't there. Might I submit Jason Dohring for consideration?

  • BWeaves

    Every time I see a photo of Adrianne Palicki I'm stunned by the 4 inch gap between her breasts. Cleavage is supposed to be slit, not a football field.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Touchdown!!!!!!

  • Diviya

    Dominic Monaghan as Spike? Die, Rob, die!

  • Not bad. Spike is the hardest one for me to picture as someone else. James Marsters is just too awesome. And I know people like to shit on Sarah Michelle Gellar (for reasons I'm still not aware of). But she had great chemistry with Marsters from the start and it only got better later into the series.

  • Courtastic

    Wouldn't it be intriguing to see Joel Kinnaman take a stab at Spike? He was the best part of The Killing....

  • Phaedre

    Yeah..no.

    Most of this list reads like a flavour of the month list. I mean the great thing about Joss is that he usually picked some not so known actors and actually turned them into stars by getting the best performances out of them. Too many people on your list cannot act well enough to carry a show like buffy.

    I give you Jennifer Lawrence, she could work. But what the hell are you thinking with the Xander part? That dude is just no on so many levels.

    And Radcliffe as Wesley? Have you ever seen Angel? You want to give the arguably best character arc in all the Whedonverse to Harry Potter?
    I actually agree with the commenters here who suggested we switch Hiddleston in for this one.

    And I don't even know what to say about Charming Potato as Angel. I mean come on! He could certainly pull of the comedy but would you really believe this is an 200 year old tortured soul?

    I need to stop before I develop a serious heart problem.

  • Ted Hendershot

    Radcliffe's quite a decent bloke and a good actor. Other than that...yeah.

  • Actually, the Harry potter series became quite dark. I thought it was a silly house at first but then I went with it and approve. Have you seen any of Radcliffe's other work? He has an incredible range with a knack for humor, even the dark, screwed up kind.

  • I so agree about Garfield/Xander. Xander is the awkward everyman plus lovable. Garfield is...not. Not at all. The man repels me. The thought of him as Xander breaks my heart.

    I also agree about the nature of the list. Shouldn't most really be talented unknowns in the general age range of their characters? Like the above commenter, I could see Hiddleston as Spike. Tho I doubt he would do it, since he's currently playing a vampire for Jim Jarmusch.

  • Melody Be

    I have heard nothing but good things about Garfield on Broadway. I think he is totally acceptable as Xander.

  • Samantha

    Okay. I really hope you don't get to do the casting if this ever happens! (In my opinion) None of them really have the right feel for the characters. Of course, I haven't come up with a list of my own. Nor am I about to.

  • annie

    THIS CAST SO HARD. Except for Dom Monaghan. I just can't with him. Not sure where, but I feel like Neal McDonough should be in here somewhere...

  • in_heaben

    This is the weirdest list I have ever seen. And the most improbably cast ever assembled. That said, j law. Done.

  • julifers

    Alexander Skarsgard as Spike.... oh I die. And whoever said Alison Brie as Faith... no. That's a big no.

  • Marcela

    HOLY SHIT ALEXANDER SKAAAAAAARSGARD. You are a genius. That's brilliant casting right there.

  • Melody Be

    Nope, I hate this idea the most. Marsters is WAY, WAY more talented an actor. Skargard's father got all the acting chops in that family.

  • AudioSuede

    This is one of the best dream cast lists I've ever read. Though I might reverse the positions of Cranston and Whitford; Bradley Whitford as a charming but secretly evil mayor is basically what I want to watch all day, every day.

  • Irina

    Deborah Ann Woll as Buffy
    Francois Arnaud as Angel
    Matt Czuchry as Spike
    Ashley Rickards as Willow
    Peter Sarsgaard as Giles
    Richard Armitage as Wesley
    The picks for Cordelia and Xander are pretty great imo.

  • Leia947

    I think Richard Armitage would be a better Angel, actually.

  • Irina

    He's 41, a bit too old for Angel; Boreanaz was 28 when he started shooting "Buffy".

  • KatSings

    ooh Matt Czuchry as Spike is an interesting thought...

  • John W

    If it were being rebooted into another TV show:

    Buffy - Ashley Rickards (Awkward)
    Willow - Felicia Day (The Guild)
    Cordelia - Beth Behrs (2 Broke Girls)
    Faith - Phoebe Tonkin (Secret Circle)
    Xander - Dan Byrd (Cougar Town)
    Giles - Jared Harris (Mad Men)
    Angel - Shane West (Nikita)
    Oz - Donald Glover
    Spike - Jack Gleeson (Game of Thrones)
    Drusilla - Krysten Rytter (Don't trust the B in Apartment 23)
    Wesley Wyndham Pryce - Stephen Mangan (Episodes)
    Joyce Summers - Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
    Principle Snyder - Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
    The Mayor - Henry Czerny (Revenge)

  • I actually considered Jared Harris as Giles for this, but I thought he'd make more sense on a TV version, too.

  • JOFFREY as Spike?! Put down that crack pipe, man. Everything else is pretty spot on.

  • Marcela

    Holy shit, this is awesome. Dan Byrd and Jared Harris... that's some inspired casting.

  • Not sure about some of the others but Lane Pryce as Giles? PERFECTION!

  • stardust

    We all know my feelings on Hiddleston. YES. He is a perfect dreamcast for Giles. And, you know, I'm on board with everyone else except Jena Malone and Dominic Monaghan. Jena Malone is too smug and grating - she's better for Dawn than anyone else, but too old. So let's just leave her off entirely. And Dominic Monaghan as Spike. NO. Like Megan said, Spike has a big sex appeal. If we're being honest with ourselves, that's why Buffy ended up in the horrible relationship with him in the first place. Monaghan is cute, but not sexy. I...don't know who I'd cast as Spike. Kit Harrington maybe? And leave him brunette?I'm drawing a blank here.

  • Amanda

    Michael Fassbender as Spike, please.

  • Samantha Klein

    Thank you for going there. The rest of us were all thinking it.

  • Emperorcupcake

    I would watch the hell out of "Giles: The Early Years" starring Tom Hiddleston.

  • BWeaves

    Weren't we supposed to get "Ripper" at some point?

  • I remember those days...sitting around watching 10 straight hours of Buffy and barely acknowledging the need for food or sunlight...great read as always Rob. You were always the best about putting thought into words.

  • Hey, Lance! I know you! Hey!

  • D.

    I love just about all the choices (especially Jennifer Lawrence as Buffy; Lawrence is such a strong actress and funny as hell on Talk Shows and convincingly kicked ass in The Hunger Games...that would be inspired casting!!). Michael Fassbender for Spike...rather than Dominic M.

  • Wormer

    I am also on the anti J-Law train!! She gets that dead eye thing I hate and I just don't see her as funny. At all. She obviously gorgeous and looks like she can kick some ass but I really don't think she can pull off the mostly upbeat sarcastic attitude Buffy should have. Lawrence is too emo. Do not want!!! Stop pushing her on us!!!

  • AbbyNormal

    Channing Tatum as Angel/Angelus makes me want to claw my own eyes out. The fact that this casting was even suggested has roused my ire in ways that I would never have expected. Good day to you, sir. Let us never meet in any dark alleys.

  • Samantha Klein

    Am I the only one who is really anti-the Jennifer Lawrence idea? My favorite thing about Buffy is that she's this teeny tiny girl, and doesn't look all super-hero-y. Lawrence is a freaking Amazon. Find someone smaller. Chloe Grace Moretz?

    I love the idea of Tom Hiddleston as Giles, but Dominic Monaghan as Spike is the worst idea anyone has ever had, ever, and whoever said Hiddleston for Spike is a person whose thinking I can get behind. I'm sure there's some other stuffy Brit who can do Giles, but Hiddleston would play Spike with so much fey glee that it would be an utter delight to watch. Andrew Garfield might also be a decent Spike, but he's not lunky enough to be Xander.

    I mostly have no opinion about the rest of this casting, although I do feel it would be a shame for anyone else to play The Mayor. Oh, how I love The Mayor.

  • ApocalypseCow

    I'm with you. The whole point of the show was that she was so unexpected. No one would take a tiny preppy blonde named Buffy remotely seriously. Buffy is supposed to be valley-girl-mall-teen-snowflake-queen. Lawrence can get the serious sadness, sure. But what about the perky, cute as a button parameter? Lawrence is a fail.
    Actually the only ones I actually dig are Donald Glover (!) and Daniel Radcliffe as Wesley - that one was inspired.

  • Jenne Frisby

    Err, Jane Russell was an Amazon. Jennifer Lawrence is smaller than people think. Have you see the waist on that girl? Of course she would tower over SMG, or me. It's a bit controversial, but I think she could pull it off.

  • Vi

    Nuh uh, no remake, half the fun of Buffy was how great the storylines were.

    I'd rather see a slayer in a flapper dress wielding a tommy gun a la noir style than watch a them redo a sacred episode like The Body. Besides according to Spike's flashbacks, you could do any time, any age, and it'd be more interesting than the trite high school drama all over again.

    Hell, you could even put the future slayers in goddamn space and then somehow tie it into firefly so they're actually all one universe. I'd watch that, I'd watch that so hard in my bunk.

  • Zen

    Why don't you just cast Alex Pettyfer as Spike and make the circle complete. *snerk*

  • thenchonto

    Did I miss mention of Anya, because I know you did not just leave her out of the mix? Anyway, Saoirse Ronan for Anya! That is all.

  • I love Anya but I just felt like she'd be a bit too much story for a film series with such a big ensemble already. And, honestly, Emma Caulfield's performance of that character is really the only one I think can't be duplicated, topped, or made interestingly different.

  • Jezzer

    Only assholes like blueberry jam.

  • gp

    yer fayce etc.

  • Jezzer

    NO U.

  • Bert_McGurt

    How about David Tennant for Giles?

  • el perro

    mmm… not quite sure: donald glover? that hobbit? maybe.
    whitford as snyder? nope! that original twisted evil look is far away from this other cold businessman mannerism.
    radcliffe as the new guardian? never! I don't wanna see him near my cordelia.
    special mention to your choice of elizabeth shue as joyce: delicious. simply delicious.

  • E-Money

    That is an adorable picture of Daniel Radcliffe. What silly and appropriate glasses for him.

  • I love so much of this. Hiddleston as Giles? YES PLEASE. Donald Glover as Oz? FOR SURE.

    But Jena Malone and Dominic Monaghan are odd choices. I'd rather see Tina Majorino do her Mac magic as Willow, and you mentioned Tom Hardy above... why not him as Spike? You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

  • Marcela

    Oddly enough, I thought of Tina Majorino as well! I love her and she totally deserves a role like that. And good call on Tom Hardy as Spike. I can dig dat.

  • It's possible I may have had latter-day Willow in my mind with Jena Malone, but I think she'd make the part her own regardless. I think what I feel about Tina Majorino is how everyone else feels about Malone. As for Dominic Monaghan, I feel like people who disagree maybe didn't watch "Flash Forward?" He was fucking money on that, and I think of Spike as less THE SEX and more of a smooth talking creepy badass who might be insane -- and Monaghan could totally pull that off. I did briefly consider Tom Hardy, and he'd probably be pretty amazing, but I think his Spike would end up being more legit scary than he probably should be. That's not a bad thing, it's just not how I see Spike.

  • ljridley

    If you don't think of Spike as THE SEX, I'm betting it is because you were not a 14 year old girl? I mean he is totally a "smooth talking creepy badass who might be insane". But also the perfect embodiment of SEX before you learn the creepy badass is not at all who you want in your bed.

  • I was a 22 year-old boy. I mean, I'm not saying I don't get it. I have James Marsters' album (well, I downloaded the songs). I'm just saying it's not essential to the character.

  • Ted Hendershot

    I was a 14 year old boy when my sisters got me the DVDs, and yeah, Spike being THE SEX is more important than him being a vampire, evil, or witty. Can I suggest Ben Whishaw, Benedict Cumberbatch...maybe even Burn Gorman, who might not be manic/sexy enough, but is the most menacing actor ever.

  • Lettice Peyton

    You absolutely could not be more wrong.

  • I don't think of Spike as really scary, either, but I do think of him as "THE SEX," as you say. :) As for "Flash Forward" I think I watched maybe 2 episodes then gave up on it, so my frame of reference for Monaghan is still drug-addled doofus or goofy hobbit.

  • Just skip to when he shows up (or YouTube it?). I was shocked how good he was in that type of role, too.

  • Parker

    Pitch perfect with some of this. How did it go so wrong with Willow and Spike? Also, Garfield isn't quite manicky enough for Xander.

    Whoever said Saoirse Ronan for Willow...that is brilliant.

  • Desine77

    As a die hard Buffy fan, sorry, but I hate all of these. Especially Jenna Malone who manages to make every role she plays an annoying, whiny, skanky role. Willow is smart and dorky and would be way better as Emma Stone perhaps.

    And Jennifer Lawrence? Let's come up with someone who actually fits the role instead of the flavor of the week action star.

    Oh wait I do actually agree that Tom Hiddleston would be awesome, but as wesley instead of giles.

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