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8 Movies to Watch on Netflix Instant While You're Home By Yourself On Valentine's Day Weekend

By Rebecca Pahle | Seriously Random Lists | February 14, 2014 | Comments ()


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Valentine’s Day is a day where people in relationships do things. Go out to dinner? Play Yahtzee? I don’t even know, man. But if you’re not doing those things this weekend, here are eight movies—available on Netflix Instant, for minimal effort—that you can watch instead.

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If you’re feeling angry and violent: Ironclad
Take a second look at that picture and tell me you don’t want to watch this movie. There are other people besides Paul Giamatti in Ironclad. Good, respectable actors, like Charles Dance and Derek Jacobi. But it’s Paul Giamatti as the evil King John, chewing enough scenery to make Al Pacino jealous, that makes Ironclad one of those movies where I feel sorry for people if they haven’t seen it. The tagline is “Heavy metal goes medieval,” for chrissakes.

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If you’re feeling masochistic and want to torture yourself with romance: Romantics Anonymous
This one’s French. It’s a romcom. It’s about shy people finding love. One of them sings “I Have Confidence” from The Sound of Music at various points throughout the film. It takes place in a chocolate factory. It’s cute as hell. Proceed with caution.

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If you’re an Olympicshead who’d rather watch something about sports: Ping Pong Playa
A friend and I, having stumbled upon this 2007 comedy about a wannabe basketball star who has to save his family’s ping pong business, cynically thought we’d be laughing at Ping Pong Playa, not with Ping Pong Playa. Luckily, we were wrong. This movie is genuinely funny, with some particularly talented child actors. Every time someone curses it’s bleeped out by the sound of a bouncing basketball, except for the time the BLEEEP is a bouncing ping-pong ball. There’s a rap about cereal. It’s well worth one hour and 36 minutes of your otherwise depressing weekend.

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If you’re depressed and you want to laugh: The Emperor’s New Groove
You are never too old, and your film tastes never too refined, for kid’s movies. Watch The Emperor’s New Groove and be sad. I flipping dare you.

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If you’re depressed and you want to wallow: Blancanieves
I love this movie, a black and white retelling of Snow White where Snow is a matador (just go with it), with all my heart. But we are not looking at a Disney ending here. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but it’s, dare I say it, grim. Like, my-heart-has-been-hollowed-out-with-a-rusty-spoon grim. Have wine and chocolate handy.

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If you’re bitter about life and want some satire: In the Loop

This is director Armando Iannucci’s quasi follow-up to the BBC’s excellent The Thick Of It. They’re both political satires that cover roughly the same ground and have a lot of the same actors, though those actors sometimes play different characters in the movie than they do in the series. The universal constant is Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker, the foul-mouthed government spin doctor who utters lines like “Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your sh*tter with a lubricated horse c*ck!” Ah, Doctor.

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If you just want to watch anything without any damn romance in it: Dredd
Bonus: Karl Urban’s scowling face should be a passable GPOY for a lot of my singleton brethren forced to watch everyone else get all soppy. I have a boyfriend, and his name is THE LAW.

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If you are in any state of mine whatsoever: Clue
In case you weren’t aware, Clue is on Netflix Instant. And it is never, ever, ever a bad time to watch it. Why aren’t you watching Clue right now? GO!

Rebecca has a lot of feelings about movies and candy.

Related: The Best Recent Movies Currently on Netflix


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Jiffylush

    I already had Ironclad on my list because of Brian Cox, can't believe I haven't watched it yet.

    That wasn't a joke and neither is this: My girlfriend is moving out of "our" apartment today, VDay was bad, naturally. I've just been watching the west wing and catching up on sitcoms. For some reason we are still together but I can't imagine that lasting at all.

    Anyway, sad valentine, there you go. Eating really good chocolates the day before Valentine's day with the girl who is moving out, not good.

  • dreamlife613

    Yesterday was Valentine's Day?

  • Laura

    I own Clue. I love Clue.

  • Tecuya

    Beware the groove!

  • tamatha_uhmelmahaye

    Went out to dinner? Check. Played Yahtzee? Check. See, you were totally on the mark, Rebecca.

  • Berry

    We went to very late lunch (or super early dinner, but let's go with the first option so you don't think we're 85), then visited the library, then came home where husband watched the Olympics while I read and went to bed early. Maybe we really are 85.

  • Skyler Durden

    I saw Clue for the first time a few months ago. I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

    I thought it was garbage. Absolute shit. No, really.

    Terrible. Horrible. No Good. Very Bad. Garbage. Downvote me, you know you want to. COME AT ME BRO.

    Also, I am celebrating Valentines Day the right way: Mainlining House of Cards. Why isn't that on this list? Seemed like a gimme.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I AGREE WITH YOU!

    Sorry, I got excited. Like you, I saw Clue many years after it came out, and truly disliked it. I guess you had to be there to love this film.

  • Chicken Lips

    I thought I was the only person that ever watched Ping Pong Playa. Apparently there are 3 of us. And honestly, it wasn't that bad, just a good movie to laugh at/with without having to think about it - just hit play and veg out.

  • Amy Mace

    Ironclad has a (mostly*) great cast, and it was pretty hilariously gory.

    *Kate Mara, what are you doing here?

  • Davis

    Netflix in america is way good, the UK version is awful

  • Sassy Pikachu

    Emperor's New Groove is one of my all time favorite movies. Always manages to make me smile. I miss my viewing buddy who's all the way up north while I'm here down south in the "cold".

    Also Blazing Saddles. IT IS THE BEST.

  • Sassy Pikachu

    Though unfortunately not on Netflix. Tragedy.

  • emmalita

    I OWN Blazing Saddles. It is one of my formative movies.

  • e jerry powell

    Clue is also on LOGO every third day, for some reason.

  • Stu Rat

    Is it always the same ending?

  • e jerry powell

    I never watch it for more than a few seconds on LOGO. I think they may have the version that edits in all three endings.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife!

  • e jerry powell

    Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, SO... MUCH... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face,
    breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths... Heathing...

  • Ryan Ambrose

    I watched 'In The Loop' a few days ago. Absolutely brilliant.

    Now I have an urge to end every phone call I make with "fuck-ty bye then".

  • NateMan

    I have yet to watch Emperor's New Groove, ever. That'll be a good choice for after the wife goes to bed tonight. Thanks!

  • mairimba

    I was planning on watching House of Cards while finishing some left over birthday cheesecake, but I'm adding a couple of these to my queue in case I change my mind. About HoC. There will be cheesecake regardless.

  • We are rolling with My Bloody Valentine. Pick-axe murders for the win!

  • Cheryl

    Great call on Blancanieves. I absolutely adore that movie (and I love a good wallow)

  • Sean

    Meh, half way through season 2 of House of Cards.

  • Yocean

    So what do you watch if you have a girlfriend but she is an ocean away? I'm not sad but then again I am physically alone.

  • emmalita

    You might consider finding a movie that you can both watch and a time when you can watch it together. And the message or email each other during the movie. It's fun.

  • Yocean

    Hm. I already did waking up 6am to open chocolates we sent each other thing but if she got time this weekend, movie together would be great

  • emmalita

    It's kind of like time travel.

  • Ingrid Betancourt

    Back to the Future!

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Die Hard?

  • 'Die Hard' is always an acceptable answer to any movie related question.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    In Bruges and a heart shaped DQ ice cream cake (They're on sale) for this guy. Oh, and some beer. Maybe some pizza too.

  • Robert Sanchez III

    I like the way you think my friend.

  • If I didn't have a date with True Dectective, I'd be all over this list! Romantics Anonymous is supposed to be good and not too twee. And indeed, Clue is good anytime of day.

  • A French romcom about shy people finding love where one sings songs from 'The Sound of Music' is the very definition of twee. The only way it could be worse is if it had been directed by Wes Anderson.

  • TacoBellRey

    The Thick of It is absolutely amazing and I for one will be extremely sad if they don't let Capaldi set off a few F-bombs as the 12th.

  • Jim

    "Why does she even HAVE that lever?" (smacks crocodile)

    E's New G - Still chock full of talent and laughs all these years later. (Ignore the sequels and spin-offs - accept no substitutes.)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    This list looks absolutely amazing. How have I never heard of Ironclad before? The only two I've seen are Clue and The Emperor's New Groove (watched in bed with a beau at his insistence, one of my favorite ways to watch kids' movies, actually).

  • Pay no attention to the naysayers. 'Ironclad' is badass and definitely worth your time. It's (loosely) based on actual events and has a Magnificent Seven/Seven Samurai sort of thing going on.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I would love if I could find it at a nearby RedBox...thinking of having a movie mockery night tomorrow since 've learned I have Monday off (love surprises like that)

  • Catherine Roberts

    jսst­ bef○re­ і­ saw­ tհe­ рayсհeсk ­ ○f­ $5185,­ і­ dіdո't­ belіeνe­ ...tհat...my­ с○սsіո­ aсtսaly­ brіոgіոg­ іո­  m○ոey­ іո­ tհeіr­ sрare­ tіme­ ○ոlіոe.. ­ tհere­ m○ms­ best­ freոd­ հas­  beeո­ d○іոg­ tհіs­ f○r­ ○ոly­ teո­  m○ոtհs­ aոd­ as­ ○f­ ո○w­ t○○k­  сare­ ○f­ tհe­ m○rgage­ ○ո­ tհere ­  mіոі­ maոsі○ո­ aոd­ рսrсհased­ a­ ոew ­ aսdі.­ we­ l○○ked­ հere,... http://Profitbeatsinvalentined...

    ♛♛♛ ♛♛♛⫩ ♛♛♛ ♛♛♛︨♛ ♛♛♛ ♛♛♛I hated her, SO... MUCH... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face,

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Ironclad is unfortunately not very good, except for the fight scenes.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Agreed. Great cast, not a great film.

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