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10 People and Characters I Currently Hate in the Face

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | October 17, 2012 | Comments ()


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Billy Burke -- You were awful in the Twilight movies. You are awful in "Revolution." I heard a major character died in this week's episode. I hope it was you.

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Honey Boo Boo's Mother -- I don't mean to be an asshole (yes, I do), but you are a dime a dozen, lady. If I knew all it took to be famous was to turn my kid into a porcelain doll and eat my weight in gravy, I'd have stayed in Arkansas, moved in to my goddamn mother's trailer home, and accepted my cousin's marriage proposal when I was 15.

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Political Spin Operatives Like Stephanie Cutter -- Do you say anything worthwhile? Do you have any other setting besides Bullsh*t? Are you even capable of a substantive statement, or is there a string on your back that you pull to elicit political idioms?

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Marvin -- It's not as if "How I Met Your Mother" has been bad enough, now they add a kid into the mix. I don't mind kids. Hell, I love kids. I even love shows that have kids in them, but if that's not the focus of your show, then stay out of that f*cking sandbox because you're doing it wrong.

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Mike Faber -- Why are you still on this show? Didn't you get punched in the face? What function do you serve? How many times do you need to get punched before you go away, because you are boring me.

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Nellie Bertram -- Do you exist for any other reason other than to remind us of how far "The Office" has fallen? Are you capable of showing consistency of character, or will you insist on alternating between pointlessly obnoxious and unnecessarily evil for the rest of the goddamn series?

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John King -- You are the epitome of what is wrong with CNN. Being objective does not mean giving equal weight to both sides of a story if one side is flat-out f**king wrong. Before presenting every side of an issue, consider whether there's some merit to every side. Use some goddamn common sense in your reporting and filter out the nonsense before you speak.

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Gemma Teller -- You used to be such a strong, empowered character, and now you've just turned into the goddamn Erica Kane of nighttime soap operas. You let your husband destroy your character, and now you're even more annoying and less sympathetic than Tara Knowles. Pull your head out of your ass, stop needlessly manipulating people, and grab some f*cking power.

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Manny -- You really are the worst.

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Hazel -- The actress who plays you is awesome. Your character, however, is not. There's only half a season left of "30 Rock," and I don't want any of it wasted on you.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Nadine

    Hazel annoys me so much, and from what I've seen of her, so is the performer playing her. She's been on a few british TV shows as herself and the woman is just irritating tot he nth degree.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    i love the hate.

  • mairimba

    You forgot to mention everyone on any of the original programming on the Oxygen Network. I dare you to watch 5 minutes of the 'Bad Girls Club' or 'Girlfriend Confidential' without wanting to set everything on fire.

  • dizzylucy

    I liked Billy Burke on the Closer, he was such a horrible, sleazy character. I can't see him in the star/hero role.
    Manny never bothered me much, but this season he's really starting to grate. I feel bad saying that about a kid, so I'll just blame the writers for making him so annoying.
    I think I'm the lone weirdo who doesn't mind Hazel so much.

  • hapl0

    John King: You forgot bout that thing he does with his thumb, index and middle finger....EVERY. F-ING. TIME.

  • lindaaargh

    Oh, Honey Boo Boo's mom gets too much flack. Most of it is simply because she is obese and not particularly rich. And when that's the main argument against her (example: above blurb that discusses nothing but her weight and her Southern-ness), I cry foul. I watched "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" every week, religiously, glued to my television. June is unpretentious, has a great sense of humor about herself, genuinely loves her family, encourages her children to be themselves, and is sort of the antithesis of the "Pageant Mom." Honey Boo Boo hasn't won many pageants -- and her mother still encourages her, not out of selfishness or greed or unresolved personal issues, but because her round, rambunctious, spotlight-loving daughter actually enjoys pageants. Her family seems very happy and functional, and I enjoy watching them on television. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when the opinion is mainly informed by a dislike of obese people and tired Southern stereotypes, I have to politely disagree.

  • wsapnin

    Where is Laurie from The Walking Dead?

  • chanohack

    I don't know who this "Nellie" is, but I LOVE DONNA.

  • rio

    Dustin are you kidding? Billy Burke and Anna Kendrick were the only good things in Twilight. Everything else was in irresistable involuntary comedy.

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Stephanie Cutter is not actually an awful person. If it helps, think of her as "playing a character".

    At a deeper level, the reality you claim to want: 'talk to me intelligently and let me understand the nuances of the situation' is demonstrably not what people react to.

    Think of the factors at play for a media interview:

    1. You get at best 30 seconds to make your point on TV.

    2. Nuances involve knowledge, but your message must reach all knowledge levels.

    3. The longer you talk, the easier it is to parse your statement for negative implications.

    I personally have a love/hate relationship with TV news. It's fun and high energy, but the message discipline really tough. I always feel elated/deflated walking out of the studio.

    But why am I telling Dustin this? Did you never do moot court? Cutter doesn't owe you anything, she has a job to do. Same as her Republican counterpart.

    I wish there were a better way, but hating on people whose job it is to make sure a very specific message is delivered is like hating on the actor who does a shampoo commercial. One has the job of telling you why one candidate is better than the other, one has the job of telling you why this specific shampoo will make your hair shinier.

  • BierceAmbrose

    This.

    I don't know Cutter, but she reads on the tube particularly gleeful, shameless (not in an Emmy Rossum way), and personally convinced.

  • googergieger

    Casey Hudson.

  • Must not be any Copper fans on here because no one has mentioned Annie. Also Nucky on Boardwalk Empire has really become entirely unsympathetic now although if we can only get rid of one character its Mickey that needs to be shot in the face. When each episode ends I'm surprised he is still upright and breathing. How he escaped the Tabor Heights blowback is beyond me.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Where is Roya?!?!? Mike has no screen time and he doesn't impact the show, so why bother caring about him?

    Roya is every horrible word I can think of, covered in poo.

  • I haven't read this yet, I just had to comment that the headline made me laugh so hard at my desk that my buddy immediately knew to run to Pajiba. I love angry Dustin.

  • Polly

    I agree -- get rid of Hazel... is tanking NBC just a euphemism for tanking the last episodes of the show.

  • Slash

    I like Manny. And I kinda like Billy Burke too, though I don't watch "Revolution," it's really kind of just a knock-off of "Jericho." From what I can tell.

  • NoPantsMcLane

    Kristen Schaal has a nice chest. I did not notice that on Flight of the Conchords.

  • Groundloop

    Yep. And once you notice, you can't not notice anymore. The fact that the 30 Rock writers have decided to make her Baby Blues a defining characteristic of Hazel along with insane/evil isn't helping matters.

  • Aston

    But why ARE they blue?

  • e jerry powell

    I like to think that John King is more character than person.

  • Mrcreosote

    I don't find the Boo-Boo Klan nearly as annoying as any Real Housewives of (fill in city). All of these women have at least the veneer of substantial amounts of money, yet they all seem so angry, unhappy and twisted. Their idea of pretty is pretty much uniformly bright, tight and kind of a fright. I mean who in real life has the name Vanderpump? There's a sense of disturbing entitlement that's a lot uglier than the sort of redneck obliviousness of H to the double B. Yeah, that's a thing they were described as. Fuck I take it back, let's just hate them all. I've got hate to spare.

  • Bodhi

    Maybe its because I grew up around loads of fat, gross rednecks, but I don't find Mama June that bad. Ok, sure, she is fat & gross & feeds her kids horribly crappy food (though I really don't think that a road kill deer is all THAT bad, I'd rather someone make use of it), but I think that she really loves her kids, which is more than most of the Real Housewives blah blah blah bitches can say. HBB is pretty bad at pageants for a variety of reasons, but one of the main ones (in my disdainful yet riveted opinion) is because her mom actually lets her be a kid. Those other prostitots clearly have no idea what being a kid is all about.

    And that concludes my defense of HBB's mom *shameface*

  • Bert_McGurt

    He's not on TV, nor do I even know what his face looks like, but I am SO ready to shove a goddamned glockenspiel straight into Gotye's whiny mouth right about now.

  • But you didn't have to cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut me offffffff...

  • roodle

    i know he's whiny and annoying, but something about him oddly fascinates me..

  • chanohack

    The song is whiney. But I think Gotye is lovely. Every time I watch an interview, he totally out-classes the Americans, and it's not just the accent.

  • katy

    So are we going to talk about How I Met Your Mother at some point? To ease the pain?

  • SBrown

    Down with Hazel!!

    Nellie Bertram — Do you exist for any other reason other than to
    remind us of how far “The Office” has fallen?

    And how gorram creepy it is to be too thin. Eat some cheese!!!

  • Donna SHerman

    I would just like to be the first to obnoxiously say that I hated Manny before it was cool.

  • kirbyjay

    Pajibans hate Manny? Why don't you all just kick a bunch of puppies. Next your going to say you hate Sheldon.
    ** ducking**

  • danobc

    i hated gloria way before i hated manny. at least there is phil and his phils-osophy to counter balance both. btw Phil also reminds me very much of the Dad in Raising Hope.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Watch a sunset at least once a day.

  • cake

    Oh God, I couldn't agree more about Hazel, she's so grating and awful and yet they keep using her! Meanwhile, Jonathan, who is a national treasure, barely gets a line (still, grateful that he's back). As for Manny, they need to find him a decent storyline already, the kid's just there to show how more adult he is than the adults.

  • Clearly the Pajiban overlords have quit watching Revenge. I thought Declan and Charlotte were shoo-ins for this list.

  • Dare I say it, Charlotte's grown on me this season! Ok, we're only 2 episodes in, but I already hate her way, way less than last year. Declan, on the other hand, can take a long walk off a short pier... preferably on camera.

  • dizzylucy

    I don't mind Charlotte so much either, but Declan has to be one of the worst characters ever. Any time he comes on screen, I want to slap him silly.

  • I guess I agree. Charlotte is considerably less horrible. That's why I didn't include Fauxmanda in my vitriol, because while I don't like her, I at least pity her this season. Last season, she was an annoying psychopath and willing participant. Now, I feel like she is just a sad pawn like the rest of them.

    Declan is too stupid to live. Jack might be too. Those Porter boys just need to go.

  • Agreed on the Porter boys. I know the show is trying to make it happen, but Emily deserves better than Jack.

  • She does. I am so over Jack. Daniel too for that matter, but he did win me back a tiny bit with his perfection of the Emily Thorn patented "I am hugging you but I have a face of STONE" look. I am curious about the new British guy. We'll see how that plays out. However, if he cuts into Emily and Nolan revenging time, I will riot. I don't care how sexy his accent is.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I am so over Jack. Daniel

    Ugh, I'm so over Jack Daniels too. That shit gives me a wicked hangover.

  • Thanks to my own iron will the whole Honey Boo Boo thing has largely passed me by so I'm mostly ignorant of the whole phenomenon, especially her mother. That being the case, where is she in that picture? Is she about to emerge out of that pulsating pink primordial ooze?

  • athena23

    Ugh...the resulting mental image you just gave me requires immediate brain bleach. I'm charging you for it, too.

  • e jerry powell

    Perhaps a lawsuit for pain and suffering?

  • Uriah_Creep

    I know it's cruel, but on "The Soup", Joel McHale consistently calls Mrs. Boo Boo "The Human Thumb." That made me snort the first time I heard it.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    Awww, not Billy Burke. I actually think he was the only redeemable part of the Twilight movies. Revolution is a really shitty show (and I forced myself to watch 3 episodes!!) but he's not as bad as pouty-face-Charlie.

  • llp

    I have only seen the first terrible Twilight movie, and I recall Billy Burke being ok in that - I have to go with BabyBearStrikesAgain here.

    All that being said, I hate Twilight for invading my cultural consciousness when I saw one movie and have not read the books.

  • John G.

    Nothing is as bad as pouty-faced Charlie on that show, except maybe when the other characters spend a good ten minutes shouting "charlie!" whenever pouty face has gone off on another ill advised wander.

  • danobc

    The only thing interesting so far in Revolution is how Billy Burke saw the anarchy rise in the streets when the lights went out and build his militia to regain order in such a chaotic society. So far that has been a much better story than fuckin-cannot-cry-but-constant-whiny-face Charlie, mainly because Charlie isnt in it. How Billy Burke handeled the aftermath of the lights going out during the 15 years is the only thing keeping me interested in the show. i loved it when he told charlie to shut the fuck up.

  • John G.

    well, that and the story of how Jacob got off the island and ended up in Revolution's timeline.

  • danobc

    he got off the island coz of the Winchesters. Sam Winchester tried to take him back to hell but landed in the Revolution timeline.

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