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10 Bad Movies Way Too Many People Refuse to Concede Are Bad

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (177)

the-craft.jpg

The Mighty Ducks: The hell is wrong with you people? The Mighty Ducks? It’s like the origin film for the Disney sports movie formula. It was Emilio Estevez’s last shot at relevance, and the man blew it. And yet, too many of you still adore this movie. Enough that you allowed two sequels to be made. (Yes, I know this is the trailer for D2, but I couldn’t find the trailer for the first one. That’s how badly Disney wants to hide it from you, so as to not give your nostalgic affection nightmares).

Love Actually: Look, I don’t want to go down the road with you people again with this movie. Love, Actually is a simpering ball of sap, manipulative beyond measure, as artificial as Twinkies, and as dim as five feet up a pig’s ass. Can we just agree that those of you who love it are wrong in the head?

Center Stage: Center Stage is essentially The Mighty Ducks with dancing and, somehow, twice the cheese. It’s old cheese. It’s covered in mildew. It’s an inept remake of Fame, which itself deserves recognition for this list.

Cutting Edge: I will never understand the strange hold that The Cutting Edge has on too large a percentage of women. D.B. Sweeney is the brain-damaged poor man’s version of John Cusack’s slow cousin. Is it the secret dream of certain women to want to be scooped up by a bland, passive-aggressive douchebag? And it’s not as though Moira Kelly is a great attraction, either. Give or take a few episodes of “The West Wing,” you’ve seen what’s happened to her career, right? Well, it was deserved.

Drive Me Crazy: When you have a weird affection for any movie starring Melissa Joan Hart, you have to start to question your head a little. There was nothing about Drive Me Crazy that in any way separated it from two dozen other bland, teen romantic comedies. And Adrien Greneir has all the charm of a wood plank trapped in a space vacuum.

The Craft: Really? The Craft? Because you were really proud of that Goth look you sported back in 1996 that you assembled from the discount racks at Claire’s Accessories in the mall? It’s the Lost Boys formula, gender-reversed and diluted by a series of cheesy special-effects sequences that erased any promise that Fairuza Balk might have been able to bring to the film.

The Crush: Fear with Reese Witherspoon, maybe I understand. But not The Crush. It’s a poor man’s Poison Ivy. A dumb man’s Lolita. If you’re wondering what happened to Cary Elwes’ career, The Crush should answer that question for you.

Hocus Pocus: A exhaustingly bad movie, and I don’t think many of you, now adults, realize just how kiddie this flick was, despite the exploding head of a zombie. Sarah Jessica Parker was the best thing about this movie, that’s how bad it was. Bette Midler with buck teeth? And way too many jokes revolving around the fact that one of the witches was overweight. Poor Kathy Najimy.

A Knight’s Tale: I like Heath Ledger, too. But it’s criminal to combine the 14th Century, Geoffrey Chaucer, and the music of Queen. However, I will concede that it was fun to watch Heath Ledger try to so very hard in a movie so far beneath his talents. Just be glad I saved 10 Things I Hate About You from this list.

Beastmaster: Oh, stop it. Yeah. I went there. What are you going to do about it? It’s my list, and I say Beastmaster is a bad movie. There’s a reason why most of you saw this for the first time on late-night TBS. It’s because it was the only suitable time slot. Just watch the trailer again. And TK, put down the bat, man. Wait, that’s not a bat. Shit, dude. You didn’t have to bring an axe. We can talk about this. Civilly. Alright, alright, alright! It was an awesome movie. It was the greatest movie ever! Seriously, it’s OK. Just put it down. No. No Noooooooo …

(Author’s Note: I actually liked two and a half movies on this list, but I’m not saying which.)









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Comments

Coincidentally, I also enjoyed two and a half movies on this list: all of Beastmaster, all of Cutting Edge, and the Paul Bettany portions of A Knight's Tale. It's news to me that a couple of these have any staunch defenders.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 3, 2011 3:06 PM

A Knight's Tale is superb.

Posted by: Amandahugandkiss at March 3, 2011 3:09 PM

Oh, you stop it.

Posted by: RobP at March 3, 2011 3:10 PM

I have no argument with any of these films. A Knight's Tale will remain a guilty, sometimes pleasure but it's by no means a good flick.

Can we add to this list? I know we all can come up with more movies that people just will not admit are terrible films.

Anyone?

Posted by: Wintermute at March 3, 2011 3:10 PM

You LEAD with the MIGHTY DUCKS? I HATE the Anaheim Th-ucks, but even I know this movie was a work of art!!! Is your heart made of pucks and your eyes wounded by toe picks? Why don't ya just say Miracle was bad, or The Cutting Edge!

Nobody puts Goldberg in a corner... not even you Dustin!

Posted by: JuiceinLA at March 3, 2011 3:12 PM

"Can we just agree that those of you who love it are wrong in the head?"

Yes. Yes. Yes. I may just have orgasmed. Finally! Someone is willing to go public on how bad "Love, Actually" is. I feel so alone whenever this film comes up. Even TK has a soft spot for it. T fucking K, ladies and gentlemen.

Solidarity Dustin.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 3, 2011 3:12 PM

"Can we just agree that those of you who love it are wrong in the head?"

We can.. Yes. We can. You N Me Dusty. We can do this. That movie sucks AND blows. For this, I love you forever.

But had you put 10 Things I Hate on that list I would have hated you forevah.

Posted by: klingonfree at March 3, 2011 3:12 PM

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 3:13 PM

While I will concede that Love Actually is over-rated, I maintain that The Cutting Edge, The Crush, The Craft, and A Knight's Tale are decent films. Oscar worthy? No, but not bad.

And of course The Beastmaster is bad. I'm pretty sure nobody out there is convinced otherwise. But its better than the sequel! But you know, sometimes that's ok, because occasionally a bad movie is so bad and cheesy its good. And a lot of these movies are of that ilk. I re-watched Buffy the Vampire slayer a few weeks ago, and wow! was it horrible. But still kinda good.

Lastly................toe pick!

Posted by: EJ at March 3, 2011 3:13 PM

Poor Dustin. Does it hurt to be so wrong?

Posted by: Mebe at March 3, 2011 3:13 PM

Dustin!-

wrong wrong wrong. Beastmaster is a great film. It's as good as the original Star Wars, following the same Joseph Campbell hero's journey, but instead of whiny Luke going to the Tashi Station to pick up some power converters, you get "I am Dar" talking to fucking bears and panthers. Instead of two rip-offs from Hidden Fortress, you get the awesomeness that is Kodo and Podo. And Beastmaster has Rip Torn, RIP TORN!!

Dusting, go watch it again until you get it right.

Posted by: John G. at March 3, 2011 3:14 PM

D.B. Sweeney is the brain-damaged poor man’s version of John Cusack’s slow cousin.

HA!

I watched Center Stage on Instant Watch the other day and thoroughly enjoyed fast-forwarding through approximately 85% of it. Show me the dancing to Red Hot Chili Peppers and the final scene and I'm good.

Posted by: Julie at March 3, 2011 3:14 PM

Didn't Pajiba itself provide the very link below explaining "bad movies" and their appeal?

http://thisisindexed.com/2011/01/cult-classics/

Posted by: sars at March 3, 2011 3:15 PM

"I may just have orgasmed"

I wonder why you are not certain about this PaddyDog. O well, no matter. Despite your uncertain climactic situation, we both hate Lame, Actually. And that makes us simpatico AND superior, orgasms notwithstanding.

Posted by: klingonfree at March 3, 2011 3:16 PM

Dustin,

I saw The Proposal based on your approving review. It was a truly awful movie. It may well be that different people like different things; nonetheless, your movie judgement has been on double secret probation since the aforementioned incident. I feel no need to defend my taste in movies to you. Good day sir!

Kisses,
Mrs. Julien

P.S. I said GOOD DAY!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 3:16 PM

Everyone, WITH A SOUL, likes "Beastmaster".

the rest are "meh"....

Posted by: logan at March 3, 2011 3:17 PM

Dustin, I'm rescinding all protests of pandering.

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 3:18 PM

Sorry but Drive me Crazy is awesome. Yes, it is cliched and cheesy in some areas. I wish they had kept the name of the book the original script is based on, "Girl Gives Birth to own Prom Date." Plus, the script was written by Rob Thomas(VMars) which gives you an idea of the style of writing.

Posted by: Ashley at March 3, 2011 3:18 PM

Okay, John G, now it's for you to stop.

Don't be spinnin' the Master of the Beasts as misunderstood. It's bad. But it's awesomely bad.

Posted by: RobP at March 3, 2011 3:19 PM

The bird-worshiping wings-for-digestive-tracts creepers are coming to turn you into bones and mucus, Rowles.

Posted by: superasente at March 3, 2011 3:19 PM

Two and half movies seems to be the going rate. Ditto on the Paul Bettany portions on A Knight's Tale for the half, and then all of Love Actually and all of Center Stage. I do concede that Center Stage is an bad movie, but that's part of the reason I like it.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 3, 2011 3:23 PM

We are TOTALLY IN A FIGHT, Dustin Rowles.

IN A FIGHT.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 3:23 PM

Hey look! Superasente is back AND he has weaponry!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 3:24 PM

if you come close to talking shit about 10 things i hate about you again, I will tie you to a chair, put Kim Kardashian's single on repeat, walk out of the room, lock the door, and drop the key down a sewer.

Posted by: maka at March 3, 2011 3:24 PM

First, I Mrs. Julien for referencing Tootsie. Second, you make it sound like there's something wrong with enjoying a bad movie. Just because a movie isn't cinematic excellence doesn't mean it isn't entertaining. For example - XXX. Terrible movie. No question. But it is fun as hell to watch on an evening where you simply don't want to think anymore. There is value in that.

Also, I love Love Actually in a completely non guilty way and feel no shame in that. So :-P

Posted by: KatSings at March 3, 2011 3:24 PM

I don't even understand why people would see a movie called Love, Actually.

Posted by: Cindy at March 3, 2011 3:24 PM

I am in the same boat as Mrs. Julien. I saw The Proposal based on the review here. It was terrible. Really, really bad.

Cutting Edge rules. Suck it.

Posted by: Amberlark at March 3, 2011 3:25 PM

Maybe we won't concede they are bad because... well... they aren't.

That's right. I went there.

Posted by: Chris at March 3, 2011 3:25 PM

A Knight's Tale is superb.

Yes. Yes it is.

Posted by: twig at March 3, 2011 3:26 PM

Does someone think The Craft was a good movie? It was fun to watch (once), but that does not make it a good movie.

Love Actually made me hate Alan Rickman a little, and the Christmas gift scene was gut-wrenching (been there...), so while there are a few sweet moments in it, I don't share the blind devotion to this film.

A Knight's Tale had an amazing cast (Shannon Whatserface excepted), but the soundtrack irritated the crap out of me. I know, it was supposed to be... actually, I don't know what the purpose of that was, except to annoy me.

No idea what anyone sees in the rest of those movies.

Posted by: Reba at March 3, 2011 3:26 PM

Where's Donnie Darko? That movie is garbage and no one ever admits it.

Posted by: Sharif at March 3, 2011 3:27 PM

You shut your dirty assholish mouth! Both The Craft and Drive Me Crazy are wonderful pieces of modern cinema. I don't even know what you are speaking of. And, most importantly, they make me happy. So suck on that.

The Cutting Edge is pretty terrible, though.

Posted by: staceygarrett at March 3, 2011 3:27 PM

THAT'S IT! I QUIT. SUCK ON MY TOE PICK.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 3, 2011 3:27 PM

Yeah, well, your face is bad!

And 500 Days of Summer is a terrible movie. ACCEPT IT.

Posted by: figgy at March 3, 2011 3:29 PM

I've never seen The Crush, but I unabashedly love the rest of the movies on this list.

Posted by: badkittyuno at March 3, 2011 3:29 PM

Thank you. Fucking Mighty Ducks. The flying V is offside. Every time.

Posted by: jon29 at March 3, 2011 3:30 PM

Talkin' shit about Beastmaster?

Ohhhh, you better believe that's an axin'.

[fist bump with Joanna]

Posted by: TK at March 3, 2011 3:30 PM

I agree Love, Actually completely, it’s one of the movies so many people seem love, but it’s actually terrible with misogynistic tendencies. However, I don’t think the rest of the list really makes sense, as I think most of us can agree that they're not “bad movies”, they’re “gloriously bad movies”, and I love them for all of their cheese.

Posted by: allsigns at March 3, 2011 3:30 PM

The only movie I would argue about being on this list is A Knight's Tale. The rest of them I can say were horrible of the ones that I did see, and just looking at the trailers of the ones that I didn't see reafirmmed why I didn't in the first place.

Posted by: Gwen at March 3, 2011 3:31 PM

You are wrong about A Knight's Tale .

You correct about Center Stage and Love, Actually, but I still love them anyway. And I am not wrong in my head.

Posted by: denesteak at March 3, 2011 3:34 PM

Yeah, I'd give a slightly half-hearted but still very earnest defense of about 2.5 of these movies.

I've never seen Love, Actually, so I'm fully willing to believe it's utter crap.

Posted by: MM at March 3, 2011 3:34 PM

I'm all with you on A Knight's Tale. Hocus Pocus and The Mighty Ducks are usually big for people who grew up watching them on VHS in daycare or whatever.

But I gotta disagree, once again, on Love, Actually. I enjoy the shit out of that movie. With a cast that terrific, I can't help but smile while I'm watching it. It's adorable and heart-warming and fun without being overly simplified or sexist or whatever the usual problem is with romantic comedies. I love it. But I suppose nothing I say will change your mind.

Posted by: ChristianH at March 3, 2011 3:40 PM

If loving Love Actually makes me wrong in the head, then I don't wanna be right. Is it great art? No. Is is a capital-F-film? Nuh-uh. Is some of the acting terrible and goofy and ridiculous and awful? Hells yeah. But so-the-fuck-what.

And, as has been pointed out regarding Knight's Tale, Paul Bettany. Naked Paul Bettany. And Wash as a red head! Who cares about the rest?

Oh, and Center Stage is awful, but I watch it every time it's on TV. I wouldn't if The Company was ever on, but for some reason it's disappeared off the face of the earth.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at March 3, 2011 3:41 PM

I thought A Knight's Tale was SO BORING. Despite Heath and the inclusion of Golden Years. I'd rather grab a large stick from the local park and ride it around battling the neighborhood hipsters than watch it.

And I really don't want to live in a world where it's ok to bash a movie that features not only human gestating cows, but Rip Torn at maybe his craziest when he isn't throwing wrenches. He uses children as KINDLING. And it is AWESOME.

Posted by: Julie at March 3, 2011 3:42 PM

Love, Actually is a glorious paragon of gloriousness, Dustin Rowles! And this coming on the heals of you besmirching Out of Africa last week! As AvB said, WE ARE IN A FIGHT! See if you get any more cake recipes out of me, Rowles! And that red velvet mini bundt recipe was to die for, just ask Katers.

Posted by: tamatha at March 3, 2011 3:42 PM

Apparently defending movies I like causes me to comma splice and fail to proofread. My apologies.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at March 3, 2011 3:43 PM

Good work, boss. Love, Actually can never be derided too much. What an awful, awful, awful movie.

Posted by: Caspar at March 3, 2011 3:46 PM

Ashley is my new favorite Pajiban for defending Drive Me Crazy. I have an unhealthy love for MJH. Yes, I LIKED Holiday in Handcuffs. I said it.

Love, Actually was really pretty boring. It wasn't romantic, it was just a bunch of cliches with English accents. (I'd still bang Colin Firth like a screen door in a tornado and let Hugh Grant get to third base, though.)

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at March 3, 2011 3:48 PM

Enough with the toe pick, whatever the hell that actually is.

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 3:48 PM

Et tu, Caspar?

Posted by: TK at March 3, 2011 3:49 PM

I can't talk about how much I hate Love Actually anymore. I can't. I feel like I'm picking on Bill Nighy, and that would be wrong.

Posted by: Julie at March 3, 2011 3:51 PM

I kinda saw your point, until you mentioned Beastmaster. Kodo and Podo? Come on.
Many of these don't hold up well and anytime I see anything with Alicia Silverstone reminds me that I am very glad I did not peak at 15.

Posted by: daria at March 3, 2011 3:51 PM

Well, if my parent's adultery and subsequent divorce hadn't destroyed all my memories of childhood and forced me into cutting, rest assured this list did.

Posted by: Captain Steve at March 3, 2011 3:53 PM

Hating Beastmaster is akin to shitting on "The Last Supper." It is the pinnacle of its artform -- one of Renaissance painting and the other of 80s sword-and-sorcery epics.

In fact, I'm sure that only the most heinous of people hate Beastmaster. So what does that say about Dustin?

Posted by: Fredo at March 3, 2011 3:57 PM

You have seen the end of The Crush right? It is AWESOME.


Okay, I'll go back to lurking now.

Posted by: Boopsy Collins at March 3, 2011 3:57 PM

I know that we're not including TV shows, but I need a place to slip into my ranty panties, and this is the best option.

Why the fuck does everybody love The Big Bang Theory? Everybody keeps raving about it to me, telling me how much I will love it, it's soooooo meeee. I guess because I'm the geek in the family, I'm supposed to go nuts for a show that plasters high-school stereotypes onto characters in their late twenties/early thirties. I got most of the way through the first season and couldn't watch anymore. You basically have the four dwarfs- Neurotic, Egotistical, Foreigner, and Sex Offender- and their blonde Snow White, who, other than being generically attractive and living nearby, really isn't all that interesting a person. She's just Unobtainable Sex Object/Chance to Be Normal.

The scripts are awash with little nerdy in-jokes about superheroes, video games, Comic-Con, and other insular realms of nerd pop culture, but the writers don't really take any care welcome the viewer into this world. Kevin Smith does this beautifully: I'm thinking specifically of the Star Wars dialogue in Clerks that ends with the advice from the professional roofer. That's the kind of stuff you might get in a real geek conversation (maybe not so wittily phrased, but the ground is explored). In TBBT, nerdy references are just tossed off as a bone to throw at the nerds, and you're expected to laugh. I can't be bought with your nickel-gumball hackery, sir.

The bottom line is that you can tell that this show is not made by anyone who was ever a geek at any time. The writers seem to think that geeks are socially inept all their lives, that they never explode post-college into the kind of suave motherfuckers who, say, read this site. The show is written by the kind of person who only ever saw people got stuffed into lockers (or did the stuffing themselves), and only with introspection years later did they come out with any sense of empathy or interest in the lives of smart people.

In conclusion: jump up my ass, with a trampoline, if necessary. Thank you.

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 3:57 PM

10 Things I Hate About You, a bad movie?! Blasphemy! (I know it's not on the list, but COME ON)

Posted by: birdgal at March 3, 2011 4:00 PM

Half of you are on notice. I'm going to round up a posse. That posse includes TK, Thompson, Neeson, Firth, Nighy and two ferrets. I know, sounds cool, right? WELL YOU CAN'T COME.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at March 3, 2011 4:04 PM

Dusty Bowls, you mangy mothafucka! Some of these may not be the best films, but they are damn entertaining! How I wish I could glamour you into someone WITH A SOUL. No matter. I am the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you?! Nobody. TOE PICK, BITCH!

Posted by: jM at March 3, 2011 4:04 PM

Man, I was ready to agree with this list. But it had to start with The Mighty Ducks. COME ON!
That cast is golden.
Also, whoever said Donnie Darko is CORRECT. That movie does not hold up.
Cellar Door meet My Ass.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 3, 2011 4:06 PM

This is really like a TBS afternoon movie Best Of list.

Of which Beastmaster is the obvious king.

Don't argue with the brain-eating earworms, people. And just know: that hawk will CUT a bitch.

Posted by: boo at March 3, 2011 4:06 PM

I just have to ask: what do Suave MotherFucker's ranty panties look like? Are there polka dots? I see a polka-dotted banana hammock. I don't know why.

Posted by: Captain Steve at March 3, 2011 4:06 PM

It was because of Pajiba that I finally watched the insipid, vapid KardashaLoHilton piece of celluloid worthlessness known as Love, Actually. I don't blame Pajiba for my transgression. I just figured it was time to see what the fuss was about. My bad.

I , Actually wasted a netflix queue spot on it. I , Actually couldn't get drunk enough for it to come anywhere close to enjoyable. I , Actually couldn't hate the characters more.

As I said on Pajiku:

Love, Actually.
I finally watched this shit.
Hate, definitely.

Beastmaster sucks it because it came out on cable during those dark days before you could choose from multiple movie channels and it played three times a day for months on HBO. And my little brother LOVED it so we had to watch it. Every. Time.

I dated this guy one time who loved Cutting Edge. He also loved Budweiser. And pronounced au jus as "ah joss." Toe pick, up your ass.

Hmm, I appear to be wearing my cranky pants today.

Posted by: Shonda at March 3, 2011 4:07 PM

Of course they're bad movies. What does that have to do with anything? Bad movies deserve love, too, Dustin.

Posted by: noodlestein at March 3, 2011 4:08 PM

Wait, What? Out of Africa was besmirched? The HELL, you say!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at March 3, 2011 4:10 PM

Yeah, even threatening to put 10 Things on here made me want to challenge you to a duel.

Posted by: Mel C. at March 3, 2011 4:11 PM

@Captain Steve- Whatever you want 'em to look like, baby....

Is it a banana hammock if a lady wears them? Even if there's no banana? Does it then become a Clammock?

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 4:11 PM

you're KILLIN me, Rawles! That's pronounced to rhyme with Smalls, right? I suppose I should be grateful that The Sandlot isn't on here, given how much you just shat upon my childhood.

I miss your sanity like the sun misses the flower: http://tinyurl.com/4wdfahp.

Toe pick!

Posted by: Georgia at March 3, 2011 4:12 PM

This is weird : Watch the D2 Trailer, and just listen to the music…sound familiar? It's the "Back to the Future" theme, but changed juuuuust slightly. Not enough that we don't recognize it though.

What's strange , is that BTTF was a Universal movie, not Disney.

Posted by: Horace at March 3, 2011 4:12 PM

When I was a mere adolescent gay, Beastmaster was good spank material. That's about all I can say for it these days. I would probably still lick every drop of sweat off of Marc Singer's body, but you couldn't pay me to watch Beastmaster again, because I am old enough to buy actual porn by many, many years.

Posted by: Jerry at March 3, 2011 4:13 PM

And ENOUGH with "The Sandlot", kids!!

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 4:14 PM

@StoatCat-

YES! I feel you should perhaps copyright Clammock if it's not already done. I bet the Orange Midget wears that and a bumpit on the next Jersey Shore. Of course, she'll buy it two sizes too small and her Clammock will have a mammoth camel toe.

Posted by: Captain Steve at March 3, 2011 4:15 PM

Heh heh...clammel toe..

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 4:18 PM

you know what dustin? your face is a bad movie.

Posted by: scott at March 3, 2011 4:28 PM

Lies and deceit!

Posted by: Dingles at March 3, 2011 4:32 PM

My votes would be for "Steel Magnolias" (godawful movie) and "Road House." Also, I could only watch the first 5 minutes of "Red Dawn" then had to turn it off, it sucked so bad.

Posted by: Slash at March 3, 2011 4:35 PM

The only thing I remember about The Craft is Robin Tunney's fivehead. You could Christina Ricci on that thing, her own fivehead and all.

Posted by: Mario Speedwagon at March 3, 2011 4:36 PM

And, if Joshua Jackson (RIP) were alive today, this would have KILLED HIM!

Posted by: jM at March 3, 2011 4:37 PM

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 3:57 PM

And StoatCat's presence is officially announced!

Honey, you and your antipathy are so totally in the right place. I think you will find that lovers of The Big Bang Theory are not thick on the ground here.

And Shonda should totally make EE for that review. Hell, she should make it for the haiku alone. Haiku is always a win.

Post too much, do I?
Who's cares, I keep my
Anonymity

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 4:41 PM

Damn it!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 4:44 PM

StoatCat - THANK YOU for articulating EVERYTHING about that dumb show which makes it dumb. Fully 50% of the people I know tell me I need to watch it. The other 50% of the people I know, my friends, do NOT tell me to watch it.

WHY the distinct disparity?! Because my FRIENDS are ALSO geeks and they freaking hate it because it's so insulting. These people find The IT Crowd absolutely HIGH-LARIOUS.

The people who tell me I SHOULD watch it are the clueless jock-douchebags I work with who think it's funny that I take pride in being a geek. These people can't figure out what's going on during the CREDITS of The IT Crowd.

FRAK the Big Bang Theory. Frak it fast and without a kiss on the lips. It's not worthy of any love whatsoever.

Also:
The Mighty Ducks sucks.

Cutting Edge sucks. And when *GUYS* quote "Toe pick!" to me I want to hurt them.

Drive Me Crazy sucks. Everything with Melissa Joan Hart sucks. And you have no idea how much she sucks unless you've had a roommate with a creepy crush on her.

The Craft ... I'm old and just barely younger than Fairuza Balk, so it's fair to admit that I've had a crush on her since Return to Oz and The Worst Witch (as much as it is the worst thing ever). And that's the only reason I saw this. No it's not. Neve Campbell too. And it is a bad movie. And no I don't like it... but yes I'll watch it with the volume down low and the lights off on Sunday morning after drinking a whole lot.

The Crush Is this the one with some scene in a dark room or something? I think I saw it once. I dunno?

Hocus Pocus huh?

A Knight's Tale guilty pleasure. So much could have been really good. So much really is bad. I have to agree that Bettany hamming up his scenes is fun. And Wash before he was Wash is cool. Not as cool as The Dread Pirate Steve, though.

Beastmaster always bored me too much to finish it.

WTF is Love, Actually?

Posted by: lubeg at March 3, 2011 4:46 PM

Emerging from lurk mode to say that I, too, hate Love, Actually and am so glad to not feel quite so alone anymore.

Posted by: Neon at March 3, 2011 4:54 PM

When she first saw it, my sister actually thought that Love, Actually was a spoof film on bad romantic comedies. It took me a long time to convince her that it wasn't meant to be. Neither of us could believe that people actually liked it, non-ironically.

Posted by: John G. at March 3, 2011 4:56 PM

You shut up RIGHT NOW about Beastmaster being a bad movie. Shut. Up.
Also you can shut up about A Knight's Tale but I'm really only defending it cause Heath and Paul are so pretty and fun.

But seriously, Beastmaster is awesome. You can't convince me otherwise.

Posted by: JenVegas at March 3, 2011 4:57 PM

I knew Love, Actually would be on this list.

You are wrong, sir. So very, very wrong.

Posted by: Andre at March 3, 2011 5:00 PM

I AM GOING TO GO WATCH A KNIGHT'S TALE RIGHT NOW IN PROTEST.

(I know, that's about as effective a protest as all the teabaggers sitting in their cars on the side of the road, but at least I'll fucking enjoy myself, bitches.)

Posted by: pickled tink at March 3, 2011 5:01 PM

I really don't get what's so great about The Cutting Edge. I remember watching it on DVD with some girls in college and they thought it was the best thing since fuzzy vibrators, but I was not impressed.

Posted by: pickled tink at March 3, 2011 5:03 PM

Yeah, I figured there probably wouldn't be much opposition to my little rant. I just needed to put it somewhere.

I've actually been reading this site and commenting off and on under various aliases since about 2005- I wandered over after seeing the "Power to the People...Bitches" ads on GFY. I go through periods where I've got a lot to say, or a workplace where I can punch it up and say it, and then months where I've got nothin'. I guess I have a long refractory period between eloquences, such as they are.

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 5:04 PM

Oh gee. Am I the only one who doesn't think the Craft a shit movie? Can someone tell me why it's seen as a bad movie? Please, enlighten me. cos I can't see it. I mean, last time I checked the script was good, cool witty lines and all, the story is original -it wasn't predictable- the acting's very good too. so what is it?

Posted by: tities at March 3, 2011 5:04 PM

Clamel toe. Genius.

Posted by: Captain Steve at March 3, 2011 5:08 PM

We need some Bowie music behind, "Me thinks thou doth protest too much."

Or, we need a Theoden montage with plodding pacing and ethnic urukai, "So much hate."

Many movies deserve serious defending and hating, but I'm struggling with the vitriol being mustered here. I think we should tax misplaced expressions of hatred and pay off the deficit. 'Love, Actually' isn't worthy of defending or hating. And the few of us who are self-actualized non-self-loathers on this site (what, maybe two percent - and I'm pulling for you, Joanna, so stop ignoring my emails) recognize that indifference is the ultimate condemnation.

Things that merit hatred: Sheen, Kardashian, Bieber, Titanic.
Things that merit stifled yawns: movies on this list, this list.

Posted by: tao at March 3, 2011 5:10 PM

I would like to nominate Annie Hall and Blade Runner. God awful movies. Seriously, go back and watch them with fresh eyes. God awful.

Posted by: Athena at March 3, 2011 5:33 PM

The Craft
Cutting Edge
Center Stage
HORRIBLE
I think I own them all. :)

PS. Big Bang Theory is fucking hilarious. If you don't think so, you ain't nerd enough to appreciate it, that's all.

Posted by: Chickaboom at March 3, 2011 5:37 PM

The Crush? THE CRUSH?! I will fight you.

Also, I'm the other person who likes The Craft. Hi, tities.

Posted by: Courtney at March 3, 2011 5:41 PM

I cannot allow you to say such disparaging remarks towards The Cutting Edge, Sir. It is a masterpiece, a masterpeice of epic proportions.

Also, I am smitten with Love Actually for one reason and one reason only, Liam Neeson. The things I would do to him...if only he'd let me.

Posted by: citizen_cris at March 3, 2011 5:41 PM

Love, Actually...bad?

YOU SON OF A WHORE!

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at March 3, 2011 5:45 PM

sharif speaks the truth: "Where's Donnie Darko? That movie is garbage and no one ever admits it."

Posted by: An Atlantan at March 3, 2011 5:56 PM

Add these to the list:

Donnie Darko
The Kids Are Alright
Evil Dead 2

Posted by: JS at March 3, 2011 6:02 PM

I haven't seen Beastmaster or The Craft, so I'm not in a position to comment.

But if they're as bad as Love, Actually, they must be waaaay, waaaaay bad. Have I mentioned how awful Love, Actually is?

It's really, really bad.

Posted by: Caspar at March 3, 2011 6:17 PM

Meh, I think the Mighty Ducks is one of those movies that gets a childhood pass from a broad swath of adolescents who grew up being fed the sweet, sweet crag juices on nickelodeon and the asinine "All-That." (What the fuck ever happened to Kel?) I think it's more in the realm of guilty pleasures, though D2 is defensible if only because it sounds awesome to say knucklepuck.

A Knights Tale falls under the similar guilty pleasure heading. If I'm hungover on a Saturday, Heath and Betany are perfect to fall asleep to on the couch.

Posted by: IgnatiusJ at March 3, 2011 6:26 PM

i liked love, actually. so there.

Posted by: splinter at March 3, 2011 6:38 PM

I hated Love, Actually but I can't talk because I watched Mighty Ducks about 500 times when I was a child so I probably have brain damage. The Proposal is a bad movie. I watched it because of you, Rowles. I trusted you man. I thought we had something. Reynolds really clouds your judgment.

Big Bang Theory is painfully awful and everyone I work with watches it! At least they aren't watching Two and a Half Men (is what I tell myself so I can keep going).

Posted by: becks at March 3, 2011 6:51 PM

@ Courtney: Hi! ^_^

Donnie Darko really is bad. I never got why some of my irl friends liked it. it's just a big wtf movie in my book. so yeah, it should be on there (instead of The Craft, duh)

Posted by: tities at March 3, 2011 6:55 PM

I love Center Stage and watch it a couple times of year. It is one of my top guilty, cheesy pleasures.

The acting is horrendous, the story is beyond trite, but the dancing is so entertaining. And it makes Jamiroquai that much more fun to listen to (which I do a couple times a week).

Posted by: jk at March 3, 2011 6:57 PM

Are my nerd credentials seriously being challenged? You're talking to someone who knit her own 100% accurate 4th Doctor scarf, all 26 feet.

If you want to throw down, I am game. Just let me get my dice bag...

Posted by: StoatCat at March 3, 2011 6:58 PM

Fuck you smokin, Rowles?
Maniac

Posted by: Nadine at March 3, 2011 7:10 PM

HA
This list is controversial. My sentimental/nostalgic side will not have it.

I . admit. Nothing.

Posted by: dinka at March 3, 2011 7:30 PM

Big Bang Theory is for people who want to be "hip" nerds...or for people who just like to laugh at socially inept people. I can't wear my Flash T-shirt (a shirt that has been aging perfectly for the last 7 years) anymore because of this stupid show.

All the real nerds (or geeks maybe?) are loving the hell out of Community instead because it understands us and treats us with respect. Bottom line is we don't care what the outside world thinks of us because we're always in our own world anyway. Go Abed!

You forgot Empire Records. That movie sucks the big one but lots of Pajibans seem to love it.

Posted by: dagnabbit at March 3, 2011 7:57 PM

I have thought Love, Actually was a god-awful embarrassment since the day I saw it in the theater, surrounded by my gushing girlfriends who thought it was fabulous. To this day, I do not comprehend how they assembled that caliber cast to participate in such rubbish.

That being said, anything Alan Rickman does, I will find joy in. I would watch him blow his nose, trim his nails, or any other number of mundane, disgusting things. Because he is that fucking bewitching.

Posted by: annie711pm at March 3, 2011 7:58 PM

For anyone who doesn't "get" the appeal of The Cutting Edge: you clearly missed the glory of 80s/90s skating (you know, the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding era). Is it cheesy? Yes. Deliciously so. The costumes, the hair, and the music typify what was so wrong/right about figure skating in the first place.

Posted by: bonnie at March 3, 2011 8:12 PM

I'm going to guess your two and a half.

1) The Mighty Ducks (I don't know.)
2) Center Stage (because you have a weakness for dance movies)
2.5) Love Actually (because you're the romcom guy and you just can't help yourself, as shlocky and cloying as it is.)

Posted by: Amanda6 at March 3, 2011 8:14 PM

One phrase for any nutbags who hate on Hocus Pocus: The Goonies is everything that was wrong with your childhood. Yes, I went there. Roll that up and smoke it.

Hocus Pocus is glorious. It features Sarah Jessica Parker in the only role in which she was even remotely likeable. Yes, it's juvenile -- it's a Disney kids' movie, fer chrissakes! Twelves cuts better than The Hannah Montana Movie or Justin Bieber Finds Hair Down There or whatever crap they're pushing out lately, but still, nobody's going to compare it to Citizen Kane.

Posted by: Wednesday at March 3, 2011 8:17 PM

FINALLY, someone agrees with me that A Knight's Tale was pure, 100% shit. I watched it with a friend who RAVED about it for days. I wanted to punch her in the face after it was over.

You know what this list is missing? Coyote Ugly. Good christ on a tapdancing cracker, is that movie crap.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at March 3, 2011 9:41 PM

First: IgnatiusJ - the last I saw Kel Mitchell (from Kenan 'n' Kel) he was playing "Invisible Boy" in Mystery Men (a guilty pleasure for sure).

As for this list:

Love, Actually: I only saw this once on an airplane from LA to NYC and I think I fell asleep it was that inane. Never got the love for that movie. I suppose if it is on Netflix Instant I'll try it again, if I can keep my eyes from slamming shut.

Beastmaster: Classic, hokey, 80's movie. Sure it's lame and cheesy but it's fun. Those weasels (I think that's what they are) rule.

Cutting Edge: I'll admit it - I own and LOVE this movie. Say what you want about D.B. Sweeney, he's got some charisma. He's like that dorky boy next door you have a crush on. PLUS, you have to love seeing Terry O'Quinn in a non-Locke role. "Toe Pick" 'til I die. And "We're doing the Pamchenko!"

Posted by: prairiegirl at March 3, 2011 9:50 PM

Just because Mighty Ducks started sappy/crappy Disney sports movies doesn't mean it's bad! Bob Dylan's "Mediterranean Homesick Blues" is essentially the first rap song, but we don't consider it bad for what grew out of it!

Posted by: Matt at March 3, 2011 10:06 PM

I'm with jk as far as Center Stage goes. Yes, I'm aware that most would (probably rightfully) consider it awful. But, I've got a soft spot for it, and it was the first film I ever saw in which some of the guys are just as objectified by the camera as the girls, which my twelve-year-old self greatly appreciated.

Posted by: Ruby at March 3, 2011 10:22 PM

Cutting Edge is not a good movie, but Moira Kelly was pretty hot in her day. Underrated rack.

Posted by: anonymoose at March 3, 2011 11:20 PM

I will love Love, Actually forever and always amen.

Posted by: Kate at June at March 3, 2011 11:29 PM

Boo Hiss! A Knights Tale isn't a great movie but it's still a buttload of fun.

Posted by: Chugga at March 3, 2011 11:44 PM

I wouldn't really call this damning the man (or saving the Empire). As evidenced by the comments, and my many conversations with other humans, pretty much everyone who loves these movies is perfectly aware that they're bad, and will say it out loud, but we love them anyway and watch them anytime they come on TBS. You're not talking about quality here, you're talking about sentiment.

Posted by: MG at March 4, 2011 12:01 AM

I come here after a long hard day of work and it's like everyone's goal is to piss me off. Joanna with the David Tennant comment and now you, Rowles, with your sass about Love, Actually, Hocus Pocus, and A Knight's Tale.

http://www.reelzchannel.com/trailer-clips/49862/the-mighty-ducks-trailer/

CAN I HAVE A JOB AT PAJIBA NOW?!

Posted by: duckandcover at March 4, 2011 12:52 AM

For some reason, I didn't see the 10 Things I Hate About You comment.

I SAY GOOD DAY, SIR.

Posted by: duckandcover at March 4, 2011 1:02 AM

Oh FUCK AND NO! I just worked 10 hours without one break, finally get home and cozy up on the couch with cold pizza and pajiba and I get this shit?! Disparaging The Cutting Edge and Center Stage? The Mighty Ducks? *tiny voice*...Love, Actually? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Rowles.

Posted by: Austin at March 4, 2011 2:21 AM

I had completely forgotten about centerstage until I reached its spot on this list. Which caused me to recall with eidetic memory the afternoon my girlfriend at the time dusted off a VHS copy of this on the first day of being in her house with her parents. She had no idea just how much she was exacerbating an awkward afternoon.
For the most part I can offer no argument on these selections, I like Beastmaster in the same way that I like Conan the Destroyer or even Masters of the Universe (this is still my go to reference for Frank Langella, which I'm sure he would be so proud of), but I realize their flaws and cheesiness and somehow they overcome them. I can't argue that the craptastic sword and sorcery movies from the 80's didn't have a giant effect on my personality, but these type of movies seem to have a longer shelf life.
And my personal theory with romantic comedies is that 90% of them only ever need to be seen once, most likely the best parts will be stolen and repackaged to you again later. But I count myself in the Pro-Love,Actually camp. Maybe its that its British, maybe its the cast, maybe its not quantifiable. To make it worse for the haters, everytime I watch it, I also watch all the deleted scenes. Its actually the only dvd I can think of that the deleted scenes gets used every viewing. Though Serenity owns the rights to watching all the special features.

Posted by: protoformX at March 4, 2011 2:22 AM

AKT is supposed to be a light romp you. YOU are the issue, taking things so literally. Combing old Chaucer with music of the modern day is what made it stand out as a GOOD movie. Get that stick outta your butt and have some gun, enjoy like dude. Good grief!

Posted by: jesse at March 4, 2011 3:15 AM

"fun", not gun. I love typing on this small keyboard!

Posted by: jesse at March 4, 2011 3:16 AM

Melissa Joan Hart has a strange hold on the North American Homosexual Male.

I can't explain why.I know Drive Me Crazy is a bad movie,but I love it.

Posted by: CaseCrum at March 4, 2011 3:54 AM

Jesus, Athena, how can someone be so wrong in so few words? I have watched both Annie Hall and Blade Runner many times, and neither is anything less than brilliant.

Posted by: John G. at March 4, 2011 4:39 AM

I was with you on this list until you included the Beastmaster. Dustin really? What about Marc Singers abs? Tanya Roberts breasts? Come on, there's a little something for everyone in this film.

Posted by: Muteki at March 4, 2011 6:14 AM

Save Cutting Edge, A Knight's Tale, and Beastmaster this is quite literally a list of my favorite movies. I will fight you in a dark alley if I hear you talk smack about them again.

Posted by: canaux at March 4, 2011 8:14 AM

I loved Hocus Pocus when I was little, but I wouldn't dream of defending it now. I have never seen Beastmaster or Love, Actually so I don't know what all the fuss is about. The rest is crap I had mostly forgotten about.

And StoatCat, your rant about The Big Bang Theory was a thing of beauty.

Posted by: Uda at March 4, 2011 8:42 AM

Screw you and your duck-hating ass!!!!! I don't know which mallard gave you bad touch but you know why you can't find the trailer anymore? WE EXCEEDED ITS DOWNLOAD LIMIT.

I don't know what you have against little kids smashing into each other on ice but when a movie contains an immortal piece of cinematic mastery such as "What do you have to say for yourselves?!" "Quack...... quack.... .quack... quack.. quack.. quack.quackquackQUACKQUACKQUACKQUACKQUACKQUACKQUACK!" you, sir, are required to marvel at it. For years, I insolently and inexplicably quacked in my parents' face when demanded to explain myself. You know why I got away with it? Because you can't argue with someone who just quacks in your face.

Last shot at relevance indeed.

My ass.

Posted by: Laurie at March 4, 2011 8:57 AM

How in the molasses-smeared fuck can you even contemplate birthing this list and not have AT LEAST every other entry filled with BOONDOCK SAINTS.

Why does everyone think that movie isn't complete garbage?

Posted by: Bucko at March 4, 2011 9:41 AM

Hocus Pocus has a creepy first scene and two killer musical numbers. I mean, Bette Middler singing "I Put a Spell on You?" Sarah Jessica Parker getting to use her lovely pure soprano? Genius decisions. Otherwise, it's bland family entertainment with way too many fat jokes (and I still love Kathy Najimy in it for handling that awful script like a pro).

Yet, I love it to pieces. Why must you hate all that I love, Dustin? I should just count my blessings that Sister Act slipped your mind for once.

Posted by: Robert at March 4, 2011 9:45 AM

"Love, Actually" is proof that you can stick a British accent on a turd and Americans will think it's amazing cinema.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 4, 2011 10:03 AM

Dustin who? Isn't he that guy who whored Pajiba out to Michael Flatley? Yeah, the guy with the "Lord of the Dance 3D" banner ad on Pajiba. He just shanked us in the lunch line for some grade F- salisbury steak and artificial mashed potato-like substance.

And then he dissed Beastmaster... We have already been shanked by the Flatley ad, must you now shit on us while we bleed out?

Posted by: dr lothar at March 4, 2011 10:10 AM

Allow me to blow your mind... ...with a defence of The Big Bang Theory! (I will accept a lack of following comments on this almost dead thread as evidence that mind-blowinghas occurred, also accepted: continuing to talk without reference to me, responding to me)

Sheldon.

Yes, it's a bland American style sitcom, glossy, with a laughter track that makes you hate laughter itself, and the geekery isn't "authentic".

But the guy who plays Sheldon is a maestro. He nails the ... shit I left and did not finish this comment, and now the work day is ended. Spend some of my free time defending a sitcom I don't really like... nope! Enjoy my half hearted comment. Sheldon rocks. The criticisms made so far have been fine, but that is not up for debate.

Posted by: Ender at March 4, 2011 11:20 AM

From this comment-thread the saddest lesson learned is this: Some supossedly smart women can't help but love being condescended to at the movies.

Posted by: HMDK at March 4, 2011 11:35 AM

I love all these movies (except Center Stage, which I have not seen but--judging from its inclusion in this group--would probably like).

I particularly love The Mighty Ducks. The scene where they go to the hockey store and Goldberg tries to put on hockey pants is EXACTLY what happened when I went to the hockey store and tried to put on hockey pants. Except then Mr. Siege brought up that scene, and I ended up lying on the floor laughing so hard I couldn't get up, trapped in ill-fitting hockey pants, rolling back and forth like a flipped turtle.

Even that didn't make me love the movie any less.

Posted by: Siege at March 4, 2011 12:32 PM

Anyone who doesn't like A Knight's Tale Should be punched in the face repeatedly.

Chauce? Good. Queen? Great. Jousting? Awesome.

Add to that Heath Ledger, Alan Tudyk (Pain!), Mark Addy, and Paul Bettany, and you have a great, underrated movie.

Fuck you Pajiba. Fuck you so hard in that magnanimous face.

Posted by: ingres at March 4, 2011 12:41 PM

If Heath Ledger hadn't died, A Knight's Tale would be rightfully recognized by everyone as the dreck it really is.

Posted by: Craig at March 4, 2011 12:56 PM

Once again I realize that you, fellow Pajibans are my people. Sometimes I forget, or try to jump ship because I so wholly hate the name of this site (no, it does not rhyme with vagina and the fact that you think it does is just so... fuck, hipster, Dustin, it's hipster) but I always come back because, well, because it's one of the few sites my job doesn't block. And then I read a piece like this one and am reminded that yes, Pajibans are my people.

Last year, in the budding stages of our relationship my boyfriend went on and on about how awesome Love Actually is and how I would just have to see it. It was so important for me to watch it that he actually saved it for Christmas time because it was to be a holiday treat. About a quarter of the way through I realized I had already seen it but completely forgot about it because it's not offensively bad, just mostly boring and trite and bland. I'd forgotten it so totally that I even started rewriting it and predicting plot twists that never happened, but should have. When it was over, I couldn't lie and say I'd enjoyed it so I sort of just shrugged and said it was ok. The bf was devastated that I would dislike such a cinemtic masterpiece but he got over it. A few months later we watched 100 Women, which he also owns on DVD. I couldn't contain my disdain and we ended up having a massive argument about it, and even almost broke up. Over a fucking shitastic pukefest of a movie! We managed to work things out but it was touch and go for a while.

Just the other night his cousin was over and she insisted we watch Wedding Crashers, her go-to movie for when she wants a pick-me-up. Ironically the movie left me feeling depressed because while much of the movie IS amusing, other parts depend so greatly on sexual assault humour that I can't get past it. I left feeling so otherized, so different and weird for being offended by something most people seem to enjoy so freely. I felt lonely.

But here I can read the comments of other pretentious, self-righteous cinephiles and know I'm not alone. Thanks for that.

By the way, my bf also enjoys Two and a Half Men.

In all seriousness, do you think I should break up with him?

Posted by: Nique at March 4, 2011 1:01 PM

Beastmaster the tv show is okay, right, right? Because, dear Godtopus, i would trade my soul for Daniel Goddard...

Posted by: courtney at March 4, 2011 1:12 PM

Some supossedly smart women can't help but love being condescended to at the movies.

Posted by: HMDK at March 4, 2011 11:35 AM

As opposed to being condescended to in a Pajiba comment thread?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 4, 2011 1:17 PM

the worse , most boring , puts me to sleep every time i try to watch it : and the winner is 2001 A space oddity

Posted by: mclb at March 4, 2011 1:31 PM

Your snark will not stop my love for Center Stage. You say it's bad, I say: so what?

Heath Ledger is precisely why A Knights Tale is worth a shot. It's also the only movie I've ever liked Paul Bettany in, although I'm not sure that qualifies as a redeeming feature.

And as for Love Actually: it's a movie where Rodrigo Santoro takes his shirt off. There are days when that's all a gal needs.
And besides, that Alan Rickman/Emma Thompson segment was pretty well-done.

Posted by: Circe at March 4, 2011 1:50 PM

But...A Knight's Tale also has Wash (Alan Tudyk) in it, as well as Heath.

And the appeal for me about Cutting Edge is the ice skating. Fuck the romance -- as far as that goes, it's two assholes who deserve each other getting each other.

Of course, I have little patience for stupid romantic subplots in my sports movies, anyway.

And anyone who can't admit that Beastmaster is bad and they love it anyway has, well, issues. Sorry.

Brought to you by a woman who owns Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band on DVD. Yes. The mocking may commence.

Posted by: sistercoyote at March 4, 2011 3:46 PM

Thank you for putting A Knight's Tale on this list. Some guy lies his face off just to try and make a buck, then when he rightfully gets his shit pushed in by the best jouster in the world, I'm supposed to feel sorry for him. And said jouster is the bad guy because he wears black, I guess. And rides a black horse with black barding and uses black lances with little black fists on the ends. And DARES to speak to Heath Ledger's girl even though they just met 10 seconds before that. That movie fucking blows.

Posted by: Craigilicious at March 4, 2011 4:39 PM

I still love Knight's Tale, even now knowing most of those guys are faking accents

I agree with the rest for the most part. The ones I've heard of anyway.

The Craft was made to be the niche-dream-film for emo/goth/cutter/wiccatards

Posted by: Protoguy at March 4, 2011 4:44 PM

a) Mighty Ducks I can understand....

but

A KNIGHT'S TALE!?! ARE YOU KIDDING??

I will love that movie forever and ever. Especially for introducing me to both Heath Ledger and Paul Bettany.

He's blonde! He's tan! He comes from Gelderland, he comes from Gelderlaaaaand! Lichtenstein, Lichtensteeeeeiiiiiiiiiin.

I rest my case.

Posted by: grace b at March 4, 2011 5:28 PM

p.s. Never seen more than 20 minutes of Love Actually, don't really intend to either.

p.p.s. I attempted to watch Big Bang Theory but went back to my first love The IT Crowd. Brits win every time.

Posted by: grace b at March 4, 2011 5:38 PM

@jay- I wanted to send this out to you yesterday, but had to practice my Pluchenko:
here is what Toe Pick is all about:

http://movieclips.com/DQFKi-the-cutting-edge-movie-toe-pick/

Sheer Brilliance.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at March 4, 2011 6:14 PM

I was shocked by how bad "Field of Dreams" was. I saw it as an adult after not having seen it as a kid. What nonsense.

HATED Love, Actually. I actually only got about halfway through and had to stop. I was really disappointed.

Posted by: samantha t at March 4, 2011 7:14 PM

You tried to talk shit about "Ten Things I Hate About You" but you couldn't do it. So Imma let that shit go.

In the words of Malcolm Tucker from "In The Loop": SHUT IT, Love Actually!

Posted by: greer at March 4, 2011 7:20 PM

Fun fact: The guy who wrote The Cutting Edge went on to write the Bourne series and Michael Clayton. Plus, it was directed by Starsky.

Also, I'm going to hand over Center Stage and Drive Me Crazy, but I will defend The Cutting Edge UNTIL I DIE.

Posted by: kaylise at March 4, 2011 8:09 PM

@Lindsey with an 'e'

I'm just so tired of all this traffic...

Posted by: A. Biro at March 4, 2011 9:12 PM

Did "JS" actually just suggest adding Evil Dead 2 to this list?

What the holy-living hamster basket fuck are you talking about?

Your suggestion is banished. By me. I hope it catches on.

Posted by: Sam at March 4, 2011 11:54 PM

That's odd. None of those movies are remotely good, that's for sure (at least the ones I saw, which are about seven).

And yet, I keep hearing and reading about Punch-Drunk Love. Now, THAT is a movie people refuse to concede is terrible. Hello, cinephiles of the world? Need a tip? Adam Sandler is in it. Check his filmography. It's consistent.

Posted by: godzilla_foil at March 5, 2011 12:25 AM

I SAY GOOD DAY, SIR.

Posted by: duckandcover at March 5, 2011 12:31 AM

avatar should have been included in this list.

flashy fx and (admittedly well applied) 3D is no substitute for a coherent story. the characters and dialogue are a joke and the plot is a thinly veiled retread of other stories done much better.

Posted by: brain at March 5, 2011 12:56 AM

godzilla_foil, you're an idiot.

Posted by: John G. at March 5, 2011 1:38 AM

Thank god I am only aware of three of those movies.

p.s. Worst bad movie list ever. How about growing a pair?

Here's a real list of shit movies people love for you.

Shawshank Redemption
Braveheart
Usual Suspects
Avatard
Platoon
Fight Club
Inglorious Bastards
Train Spotting
Star Trek
Crash

Posted by: I.J. Reilly at March 5, 2011 2:03 AM

This list fails because it's not CRASH listed over and over again for ten spots.

Seriously, people LOVE that fucking thing, and it's absolutely atrocious. FAR worst than anything on this list.

I'll throw in GRAN TORINO for good measure (although any movie Clint Eastwood has made since Unforgiven is wildly overrated and mostly terrible).

Posted by: Eli at March 5, 2011 2:07 AM

Has anyone thought of doing a Beastmaster/Sir Charles Sheen overplay? Kinda like The Wizard of OZ and Dark Side of the Moon? It seems to match up slendidly.

Posted by: allie at March 5, 2011 2:13 AM

A Knight's Tale was the only one you are wrong about. I love A Knight's Tale and I am sure you to do, and I don't think it deserves to be on this list. It is indeed superb.

Posted by: henry hayes at March 5, 2011 2:37 AM

I can only speak for myself, but I defiantly know all these movies are bad, I just choose to love them anyways. Except for Hocus Pocus. I don't understand why anyone would even argue that it has any redeeming quality.

Posted by: brdkelli at March 5, 2011 3:15 AM

AMERICAN PIE?

Posted by: kukhuve at March 5, 2011 5:43 AM

(Looks around. Breathes deeply. Steps forward.)

I will defend and continue to watch "The Big Bang Theory," despite the odds of outraged geek-mobs, wielding custom-made chainmail dice bags and rabid weasels, storming my apartment and stuffing me in a Bag of Holding for all eternity. I must do it for Jim Parsons (Sheldon Cooper). I did plays with him in college, and seeing such a genuinely kind and sweet and talented person make it big in the way that he has REQUIRES my devotion. You will NOT break me!

(Exhales. Looks around. Flees.)

Posted by: Jana Jerusalem at March 5, 2011 10:21 AM

Shawshank bad? You're killing me, man

I love Love, Actually. I know it's not cinema, and I hated Valentines Day and He's Just Not That Into You, so it isn't the premise I like.....it's just heartwarming..... and British!! Yeah, I said it!

Also love Pirate Radio and Bridget Jone's Diary so it's gotta be the accent and the humor.

Bad movies? Snoozefests...like Lost in Translation. I can put up with a lot but don't put me to sleep.

Posted by: jan at March 5, 2011 12:49 PM

You put films that people have attached sentimental value to or believe are mediocre.

However, I have met a great deal of people who say Boondock Saints is a great movie, even one of their favorites. And that is a TERRIBLE movie.

Posted by: Todd at March 5, 2011 9:37 PM

Gee, John, thanks. Guess what? Punch-Drunk Love still sucks.

Eli, I hear you. People keep praising Eastwood movies simply because he is the icon he is. The movies themselves mostly suck, but keep being acknowledged as great. Million Dollar Baby is one of the worst things I've ever seen, by far.

Now, Reilly, I guess nobody can agree to that list, sorry. You'd have to rethink half of that. Some I agree are overrated (Inglourious Basterds and Train Spotting are far from the brilliancy usually attributed), but still good. Some are not even that well-regarded. But some are really great and will keep on being.

Posted by: godzilla_foil at March 6, 2011 1:25 AM

When my girlfriend visited me (about once a month. Long distance relationship, sigh) for Valentine's Day, she brought Love Actually, all excited and predicting I'd like it. And I'd heard some good word-of-mouth about how "it's not as bad as you'd think," so I was hopeful.

Man, what a disappointment. I was astonished how, even though 80% of the cast were actors I'd LOVED in other places, I could not manage to give the least bit of a shit about any of them. It was a clip show, a montage, not anything like a real movie. It was 30 mediocre romcoms voltroned into one extremely clunky mediocre romcom. There was no tension, no buildup, no depth, it just felt arbitrary and forced.

After wiping away her tears, my gf asked me what I thought, and I couldn't lie. She took it well, but I still felt like I was an asshole because... Valentine's Day. On the other hand, she didn't even FINISH watching Seven Samurai when it was my movie night, so I guess we're even.

Posted by: Robin at March 6, 2011 1:57 AM

"Just be glad I saved 10 Things I Hate About You from this list."

Quite the contrary, sir. It is you who should be glad you did not dare besmirch the good name of that fine film, because the motherfucking shitstorm of unadulterated hell I and others would have unleashed upon you would have left you weeping in the fetal position, covered in what could best be described as Jackson Pollock meets GG Allin.

So you just fuckin' watch yourself, you miserable cunt.

Other than that, love ya Dustin.

Posted by: Steve at March 6, 2011 3:08 AM

Shawshank Redemption tagline:
If you are into prison movie cliches then this is the movie for you!
Spoiler alert! No egg eating contest...

Braveheart. "oh, but the fight scenes are AWESOME!" STFU and watch Heaven and Earth by Haruki Kadokawa. Assmunch.

Usual Suspects. Hint: There ain't no mystery if all the characters but one are killed off in the opening credits.

Avatard... Go f*ck yourself.

Platoon. The most realistic movie about Vietnam ever. If Vietnam is two platoon leaders hunting each other down in the jungle of lame metaphors.

Fight Club? Who Cares Club.

Inglorious most boring movie ever? Someone insisted I should have watched till the end. No I shouldn't have. One Nazi playing Indian was asinine enough.

Train Spotting. Retards slinging sh*t. It was funny at the zoo watching monkeys when I was 5.

Star Trek. If the nephew I take in, 'cause my dipshit siblings are dead, drives my 'vette off a cliff... well it's gonna be hard for him to attend Fleet Academy when they never find his body. Shame Nick Frost couldn't weasel a paycheck out of that turd too.

Crash? Don't even remember it.

Posted by: I.J. Reilly at March 6, 2011 3:10 AM

THANK YOU! I never understod what everyone liked about a knight's tale!!! ANd I will add to the list Mean Girls. Yeah. I said it.

Posted by: Sarah J-town at March 6, 2011 8:21 AM

I, too, am so happy to see someone publicly admit that Love Actually was garbage. I have to insert the caveat that is Liam Neeson though. Watching him interact with his son after the untimely death of his wife are so touching, especially now that it's not so far from the truth. Makes me cry every time... Just call me Weepy Bear.

Posted by: Beckie at March 7, 2011 1:09 PM

"It's as good as the original Star Wars, following the same Joseph Campbell hero's journey, but instead of whiny Luke going to the Tashi Station to pick up some power converters, you get "I am Dar" talking to fucking bears and panthers." All movies/film scripts use hero's journey (see http://www.clickok.co.uk/index4.html ), so you can't blame the template.

Posted by: Uncle Paul at March 8, 2011 10:35 AM