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Other Franchises Women Should Take Over Just to Destroy the Lives of Stupid Men

By Courtney Enlow | Miscellaneous | April 8, 2016 |


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We’ve got all-woman Ghostbusters. We’ve got two lady-fronted Star Wars movies. We recently discovered that the Matrix movies came to us courtesy of two women. Mad Max: Fury Road was minorly Max and much motherfucking girl power.

Now. What else can we ruin?

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James fucking Bond.

I came here to kick ass, chew bubblegum and declare war on your delicate male feelings and I’m all out of bubblegum and asses. BOND. JAMES BOND. BUT SHE’S A WOMAN.

Motherfucking Batman.

Keep your goddamn batnipples to your own self. BATMAN IS A CHICK NOW AND SHE GETS HER WONDERFUL TOYS ANYWHERE SHE WANTS BECAUSE TOYS DON’T HAVE GENDERS.

Superman, motherfuckers.

Supergirl? Great. SUPERMAN THE GIRL EVEN BETTER. ZACK SNYDER NOT INVITED.

Boondock fucking Saints.

WE’RE TAKING YOUR FUCKING MOVIE AND GETTING LADY JUICE ALL OVER IT. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT SEXUALLY, DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD.

That Bourne shit.

SHE’S A GODDAMN SPY WITH A TORTURED GODDAMN PAST AND SHE’S ALSO A WOMAN. DEAL WITH HER SPYING LADYNESS.

The Lord of the fucking Rings.

EVERYONE IS A GIRL. GALADRIEL IS STILL A GIRL. MOUNT DOOM IS A FUCKING GIRL THAT SPEWS PERIOD LAVA.

The fuckin’ Godfather.

I AM ITALIAN AND THIS SHIT IS MY BIBLE AND I DON’T EVEN FUCKING GIVE A WHAT RIGHT NOW. GIRL MICHAEL. GIRL FREDO. GIRL EVERYTHING. MAY YOUR FIRST CHILD BE A MASCULINE OR FEMININE CHILD, HOWEVER THE FUCK SHE CHOOSES TO EXPRESS HERSELF. BYE.


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