A Discussion of Proper Phone Etiquette During A Movie Screening

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A Discussion of Proper Phone Etiquette During A Movie Screening

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | July 15, 2013 | Comments ()


We live in a modern age where 90 percent of moviegoers now have smart phones. You can also expect that 70 percent of moviegoers do not abide by the “turn off your cell phone” message before screenings, and at this point, you have to kind of expect that if you’re attending a crowded screening on opening night, at least a few people will light up their phone or send a text during a screening. It is annoying, but it’s fairly unavoidable. Some theater chains, in fact, have even loosened their restrictions on phone use during a screening, while others — like the Alamo Drafthouse — have remained steadfast: “NO TEXTING. NO EXCEPTIONS.” If they catch you, they will boot you, and they may even make an example of you.

If you’re in the Alamo Drafthouse, YOU DO WHAT THOSE NICE PEOPLE SAY. However, given the realities of the modern moviegoing experience, I thought it might be useful to explore phone etiquette in other theaters, and examine when it is and is not permissible to use one’s phone.

Is It OK to Use Your Phone Before the Movie Starts?

Yes. Of course. The lights are up, so who is it going to bother, except the friend sitting next to you who you’re ignoring so you can text your friend sitting on the other side of him. In fact, I often wear headphones and catch up on TV shows while I’m waiting for the film to start because it ensures that no one will speak to me and I won’t have to hear their boneheaded guesses at the pre-movie trivia. When you’re attending screenings of movies like Grown Ups 2, it’s important not to be able to inadvertently eavesdrop on others’ conversations, lest you lose all faith in humanity.

Is It OK to Use Your Phone During the Previews?

This is a tougher call. It’s definitely OK during the pre-movie commercials, but use your judgement during the previews. If you’re in a very crowded theater, I would strongly discourage it. But on the other hand, glaring at someone or asking them to turn off their phone during the previews is also kind of a dick move, too. They’re trailers: Try not to get a bug up your ass if someone’s phone light is illuminated during the trailer for The Smurfs 2. The bigger concern at that point, anyway, is if any of the people still streaming into the theater are going to take that gloriously empty seat next to you. If you’re looking at your phone, there’s at least smaller chance that someone will ask if the seat next to you is available. (FYI: The appropriate way to answer that question is to turn to the empty seat, sneeze, and then pretend to wipe your snot off of an imaginary person. Then say, “No one is sitting here. Why do you ask?”)

Is It Ever OK to Text or Check Your Texts During a Movie?

No, with some exceptions. If you attend movies often enough, especially during non-peak times, you’re probably going to end up in a theater by yourself every once in a while. If you are by yourself, have at it. You paid $12 to see the movie, and if you’d rather spend that time cracking wise on Twitter, go for it. You’re not bothering anyone.

In fact, I have a ten row rule. If no one is behind you, and if no one is within ten rows in front of you, I think it’s OK to use your phone sparingly. Again, as long as there is no possibility that anyone else in the theater will even know you’re using it.

Some people — weird people — believe that it’s disrespectful to the filmmakers to text during a movie even if you’re the only person in theater, but these people are insane. Those filmmakers have no idea you’re texting during the slow middle section of some crappy horror movie, and you have already demonstrated the ultimate respect by paying for a movie ticket to their movie when no one else has.

If You Receive a Text or a Phone Call, Is It OK to Surreptitiously Check Your Phone to See Who It Is?

First off, make sure your damn phone is on vibrate, and then turn the vibrating down to a minimum. Second, do you have children? If the answer is no, then no you may not surreptitiously check your phone to see who the text is from, unless you have another family member under hospital care or you’re expecting a very important text from a potential booty call.

If the answer is yes, you do have children, and the children are not in the theater with you, use the three text/two phone call rule. If your child is at school/camp or with a babysitter, there is the possibility of an emergency, and no one wants to explain to the principal after little Timmy fell off the slide and broke his arm that you didn’t get the call because you were in the middle of a screening of Resident Evil 5. On the other hand, if it’s an emergency, no one calls just once, or leaves just one text. If there’s one phone call, let it go. If you feel a second phone call vibrating in your pocket immediately after the first, someone really needs to get a hold of you. Quietly get up and leave the theater to check your phone.

Likewise, if you get a quick succession of texts (and when you’re a parent, the vibrations always feel urgent and ominous and make you terribly anxious), you may — surreptitiously as possible — check to see who the sender is. You can do this by, for instance, lifting up the flap your pocket and peering inside to quickly check the caller. If it is someone charged with looking after your kids, then you may again quietly leave the theater to check the contents of the text.

Also, if your wife is heavily pregnant during a screening, then immediately get up and leave anytime you feel your phone vibrate (the scenario is not as odd as you’d think; TK’s wife, for instance, went into labor during the Boston Film Festival weekend).

It’s also a good idea, if you’re a parent and anticipate any of the above scenarios, to sit on the aisle seats and as far away from others as possible so as to not disturb them every time you get up to leave.

Personally, because I use the restroom at least twice (if it’s a good movie) and four times if it’s a bad movie, I use that time to check my texts/phone calls. Try to avoid checking your phone, however, while you’re standing at a urinal. Don’t get that guy.

Is It OK to Text If You and a Group of Friends Are the Only People in the Theater?

No. You may think that your friend is OK with you texting, and he or she may even say they’re OK with you texting during the movie, but trust me, they are not OK. They don’t want to say it to your face because they are a friend, but you are being an asshole. Put down your phone and watch the goddamn movie.

How Do You Deal with Someone Who Is Texting in Your Vicinity?

People who are rude enough to text or talk on the phone during a movie are not likely the kind of people who are going to respond to your passive agressiveness. You can give them the stink eye and/or the stink-eye/loud sigh combination all damn day, but it’s probably not going to get you anywhere. These people also have an inordinate amount of pride, so if you ask them to put away their phone, you’re probably only going to rile them up. I would also discourage you from seeking the manager, because 1) you’ll miss part of the movie, 2) no one likes a snitch, and 3) you’re not likely to get the manager. You’re more likely to get the teenager who is ripping ticket stubs in half, and God knows he doesn’t want to say anything to the rude guy any more than you do. You’ll just make his terrible job even more terrible.

The best thing to do, honestly, is just to get up and move.

If that, however, is not an option, what the a rude texter will respond to is crazy. People are scared of crazy people, even if you’re slight of frame. So here’s what you do: Remove your shoes and socks. Place your shoes on top of the armrests. Remove all of the contents of your pocket and place them inside of your shoes. Pull your arms inside of your shirt sleeves. Begin quietly slapping yourself with your loose shirt sleeves.

If this fails, simply turn and stare at the texter. Try to smile as wide as possible while doing so. Do not avert your gaze. Stare and smile. Stare and smile. It should not take long for the texter to put his or her phone away.

It has never once failed.

Finally, is it OK to check your phone during the credits?

Yes. The credits are akin to a plane taxiing to the gate. It’s totally fine. In fact, it’s the best way to kill time while you’re waiting for the tag or credit cookie.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • $2786243

    I did confront the lady taking flash photos during the movie.

  • Tarn

    "The best thing to do, honestly, is just to get up and move."
    Addendum: and if you can, 'accidentally' kick the offender, knock their phone out of their hand or hit the back of their head with your elbow, as you go. Then explain that their voice or the light from their phone distracted you & made you clumsy.....
    A bunch of annoying texting, talking and running up & down the aisle teens made my first viewing of The Avengers a nightmare. I'm still bitter. Especially because the Odeon staff member who was supposed to 'deal with it' made almost as much noise as they did arguing with them for ten minutes, then thought it was ok to let a girl make one more call, because it was to her mum. And she couldn't do that outside because?!?
    (No, he wasn't a ticket-tearer, he was a manager. A useless manager.)

  • Brooke

    When I went to see Paranormal Activity 4, a very quiet and moody kind of movie, I had the worst experience. We went on the 3rd weekend of release, at 1:00 in the afternoon. The theater was pretty much deserted. A huge group of about 10 adults and teenagers came in and spread out in the seats right in front of us. The whole group texted and talked through the whole thing. I shushed them twice, asked them right out to be quiet once, and finally got up and moved. When we moved I made they knew they were the reason. They ruined the movie for me. To top it off when we were leaving I overheard one of the girls talking to one of the adults. She said" I can't believe how rude that lady was, shushing us. Doesn't she know you come to the movies to hang out with your friends?" The adult just agreed with her. It's gotten so bad that unless I'm just dying to see the movie I don't even think it's worth the bother.

  • GDI

    Skip the article; Alamo Drafthouse has the right idea.

  • I live in the middle of corn country, and I've found that most people don't use their phones in the theatre. Could be because most folks are on the poorer side, so if you have the leisure funds to see a movie, you actually want to see the movie. It might possibly be the culture of politeness (not to be mistaken for friendliness, because we'll have none of that) dictates that you shut off or mute your phone. Or maybe it's because you never know who might have a rifle in their pickup truck and be parked right next to you.

    Of course, if it does happen when the mister and I are out, he simply says, "Put it away." No need to raise his voice; it carries. Sometimes, people do things like set down their drinks or attempt to stuff their candy into their purses before realizing that he wasn't talking to them. I call this Word of Command. And no, it doesn't work on me, but then I'm not the asshole texting during a show.

  • Morgan_LaFai

    Query re credits: Does the manner of the credits have to be taken into consideration before I can use my mobile. For example, The Avengers had fancy credits and then a bit at the end about not underestimating humanity before rolling the regular credits before the final nugget at the end with everyone eating. So I get that it is okay to use my mobile during the second set of credits while waiting for the nugget at the end, but what about the first set of credits? People were leaving, though only about a quarter of the theater, and the lights were still fairly low. And I did use my mobile but then felt guilty about it because I had thought they were regular credits not the special pre-end pre-credit credits they turned out to be.

  • bleujayone

    "...If this fails, simply turn and stare at the texter. Try to smile as wide
    as possible while doing so. Do not avert your gaze. Stare and smile.
    Stare and smile. It should not take long for the texter to put his or
    her phone away."

    - Funny you should mention that. I was at a movie where some fuckwit decided to text every blow by blow. No matter what was done or said (or yelled by one person) he would not stop. I decided to run a clinic in psychotic passive aggressiveness. I took inspiration from the victims of the Joker's venom. I did make a few slight alterations, however. I would laugh at appropriate parts of the movie about a 1/2 second after the rest of the audience did. I did not move my lips or jaws or blink if it could be avoided as my face was frozen in a kabuki mask of death. I did not flinch. A happy accident occurred when I started drooling out of the side of my mouth and I then stared panting through my teeth. When he didn't take the hint I started clicking and flipping a pen from my pocket in much the same way Boris from Goldeneye did. When said fuckwit finally turned around to complain he cut himself in mid-complaint as he then got to see my now sore face illuminated by the screen. I rather hope I looked like I something like an unmasked Karl Ruprecht Kroenen from Hellboy at that moment. I stopped flipping my pen and just had my thumb rhythmically click the pen as though I was stuck in a glitch- face unmoving. He quickly got up, ushered his still oblivious girlfriend out and said, "You're fucking crazy!" After he left I finally relaxed my face. A few moments later some dipshit teenaged usher came in and started looking at all of the audience members. I don't know what he was expecting to do. I imagine he was looking for someone wearing a freakish permanent grin. Nobody else in the audience tattled on me either because I did them a service or because they feared it might not have been an act. He left shortly thereafter and the texter didn't return. When the movie ended, we exited the back just in case he decided to wait around another 90 minutes to try to find us.

    Don't fuck with my movie. As many of you already know, if not for lack of an airtight exit strategy and the fact I hate spooning with people more hairy than myself I'd have killed dozens of people in movie theaters by now.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    I applaud all of you on the thread who are able to deal with this in a mature, patient and/or authoritative fashion.

    The general state of movie theaters, however, is one of the many reasons I am unable to have nice things. The older I get, the less I want to sit in an overly air-conditioned, darkened place with speakers that seek to destroy all that is right with my eardrums. Crazy expensive snacks. Popcorn all over the floor. Toddlers whining at the 8pm showing of a rated R movie. It's enough to make me buy an expensive big screen TV and wait for the movies to be on demand.

    And you add the phone phuckery? It just takes me out of the moment. And it's a damn shame because I LOVE movies. The idiots have won.

  • Semilitterate

    Once upon a time movie going was an enjoyable experience, they even had decent movies, say about 1985 and before. Since the last movie I've seen in an actual theater was Indiana Jones and the some thing of the something, Ive just given it up haven't returned to a theater. I'm sure that the advent of video tapes and their successors have something to do with that. But the comments on this site, and others, have informed the correctness of my behavior----people just don't give a shit about anyone else and their rude, inexcusable behavior is enough to keep anyone at home. I would have to thrash someone

  • Robert

    Disagree on the manager bit. You go to the manager, report the texter/phone user, and they typically give you a free pass for the inconvenience. So you miss 2 minutes of a movie to get rid of a bad movie goer and a free pass for your next screening.

  • I work nights (Mon. night through to Sat. morning) and I don't have kids, so if I want to see a movie I generally go to the theater Mon. morning at 11AM or so. There are rarely more than a handful of people in the theater and it is really nice.

  • superasente

    I couldn't disagree more with the best way to deal with rude people. When someone is rude in the theater, the best thing to do is get out of your seat and ask them politely to stop. Don't be a passive-aggressive dick about it by glaring over your shoulder. Don't be a straight-forward dick about it and threaten them, or call them names. Don't be any kind of dick about it. Get out of your seat, walk to where they are seated, sit next to them or crouch nearby and say, "Sir/Madam, I'm trying to enjoy the movie. Will you please stay off your phone, or take your call into the hall? Thanks."

    You're partly right. They're not going to respond well. I've never done this and had someone go, "Oh my gosh, I'm being so rude. Thank you for reminding me of this common social standard which I'd forgotten." It doesn't happen. They're more likely to say, "Mind your own business," or, if they're a teenager, "Whatever doooode..."

    But y'know what? They ALWAYS get off their phone. ALWAYS. They might be obstinate for another 30 seconds or so, might mutter a few more dickish comments just loud enough so you can hear, but they ALWAYS get off their phone and enjoy the rest of the movie silently. I stressed the word "always" there three times. Y'know, for impact.

    Here are a couple of reasons why:

    1. Bullies are terrified that you'll stand up to them. Being rude in a theater is a form of bullying. It's a tacit proclamation the person with the phone is making that says, "I'm doing this even though I know it's wrong because I don't think anyone is capable of stopping me." If you identify yourself as someone who won't tolerate this kind of behavior (again, this has nothing to do with being threatening) you will shut them down. They will flail and whimper for a second, like a dying fish on a line, but they will stop.

    2. They're afraid of the consequences. Remember that this person is a bully, and bullies don't really want to fight. Remember also that they've paid to see the movie just like you have, and people with money don't want to waste it. And nobody - I don't care who you are - nobody wants the man ruining their good time. If you identify yourself as someone who doesn't tolerate this kind of behavior (even if you're non-threatening) you've also identified yourself as someone who MIGHT go get a manager.

    I wish people were braver when it comes to social confrontation such as this. If we all made it our personal mission to stand up to these idiots, they would eventually learn how to behave. If three different people stand up and approach the idiot with the phone, he/she will put it away. Guaranteed, every time. Telling people to sit back and ignore it is cowardly.

    Disclaimer: I am 6'1" and weight 230lbs.

  • emmalita

    I'm 5'4 3/4" and not going to tell you how much I weigh. But I have found, "Please don't do that" said firmly works 90% of the time. It really helps if I look at them over the tops of my glasses. However, not being a large male, there are just some assholes who don't respond to a polite request.

    I did get punched once for asking a stranger to behave, so I try to make sure they are a garden variety asshole before I engage.

  • Maguita NYC

    You got punched?!

  • emmalita

    It was a long time ago on a morning rush-hour train. One guy started shouting because the train stopped between stations, as they often do. Lots of people were giving him the stink eye, but he was right next to me and screaming in my ear. He kept screaming even when the train started to move again, so I asked him to please stop. He turned around and punched me in the chest. And then the doors opened and he got off and disappeared. Everyone was so shocked that we all just gaped stupidly while he walked away. I had a bruise, and learned that if someone is unreasonable enough to scream on a crowded train, they might be unreasonable enough to punch you.

  • Maguita NYC

    OMG!!! I am horrified!

  • I'm right there with you, bub. I also have found that as long as you are polite but firm, you rarely even have to raise your voice when confronting people. To match your disclaimer, though, I'm about 6'6 and run about 260, so that may have something to do with it a well.

  • Modernlove

    I have such issues with using tech devices in public, and I'm sure I'm probably in the minority on this one. I admit, if I'm by myself or waiting for someone, I'll playing with my phone or open up my Kindle app and read a bit. It's when you're with groups of people or at an even that it starts to really burn me. I'm a proponent of no phones in the movie theater (I also don't have kids, so this could change as that does, and I understand parents need. Love the 3/2 rule.) And this weekend I was at a baseball game with some family (minor league, which means all sorts of crazy fun stuff between the innings) and there's this kid in the third row who has ear buds in and his iPad in front of his face the whole. bleeding. time playing some first person shooter game. Put the tech toys away and enjoy the world, y'all. I know I've gotten grossly off topic but this post just put that into my mind.

  • ZizoAH

    Well, it's not "talking" but it was still bothering (although I had way to many stories about shooshing people).

    Once in the movie a douchebag decided that he wanted to look cool in front of his friends (or I don't know why), and he sat on his legs while the seat was closed, which made him taller and high, and cover part of the screen, sometimes even with his ass.
    It was a small theater, so no one was there to check, and I was in the last line, so basically it was only me and my friends being bothered).

    So I asked him right when the movie started, and he ignored me. Asked again, started laughing with his douchey friends, and I didn't know what to do. Well, after about 15 minutes, in a moment of anger, I just say loudly "Oh, fuck off!" (or something similar, in Arabic - which i don't know why, am I racist?) and just slipped my leg under his seat, and pulled it down, which made him put his ass right away in the seat (Which I kinda regretted it instantaneously, because I though I would get in trouble with them afterwards), but then he looked back at me, and I just opened "crazy eyes" (It's right, it totally works!), he just turned around and didn't say anything. And nothing happened.

    I feel awesome whenever I remember this! THANK YOU!

  • emmalita

    Crazy eyes and a willingness to invade somebody's space can accomplish a lot. Used sparingly, it's remarkable effective.

  • This Pajiba PSA is brought to you by those of us who don't like confrontation so won't tell annoying assholes in theaters to shut the fuck up. Thanks Dustin.

  • kirbyjay

    The sad day that I had to put my 13 year old German Shepherd, Magic, down, Mr. Kirbyjay says let's go see Jurassic Park, thinking it would take our minds off of our deceased pet. First, I hear Thunder Road on the way too the theater, it being where I got Magic's name ...show a little faith there's magic in the night..... Then we get inside and it is jammed. Find 2 seats together and the movie starts and this twat in front of us lights up a cigarette.


    I say to her in my most aggressive, I will beat you to within an inch of your life, I'm in a sad pissed off mood and this will probably be far too enjoyable voice.

    She put it out.

    It's pretty much why I don't go to the movies, though, talking, texting, assholes.....

  • Abby

    Unfortunately, over the years, I've gotten pretty good about ignoring people whose phones go off in the theater -- it sucks, but usually (hopefully!) the person's super embarrassed and it's over quickly.

    Texting though is so much worse -- a bright screen is crazy offensive to the eyes, especially during a dark scene. Again though, your expectations for others fall over time, and now I pretty much have the same five-second rule that Henry Rollins gives the car in front of him when the light turns green -- if the person sees it, checks it, and then puts it away, I'm not really that upset.

    But the MOST disturbing trend I've seen recently is when the person takes their phone out seemingly as a direct response to their (lack of) enjoyment of the movie. Twice in a month, I had someone in the row in front of me pull out their phone about 3/4 through the movie without any inciting incident like an incoming text, and start general browsing/meandering -- finishing an email, CHECKING INSTAGRAM (rage-rage-rage-rage), and then even worse, showing it to the person next to them. It's not only their action, but my immediate anger that totally takes me out of the movie's story. I start wondering about what cave they were raised in, what it is about the movie that finally pushed them over the edge of deciding that they didn't care about it enough to keep actively watching -- all things I'd rather not be doing.

    Sadly, I've never been able to bring myself to say anything less polite than, "Can you please turn your phone off? Thank you." It's always worked, but I really wish I could manage to be more scathing. :(

  • Karlew

    There is nothing so important that either it can't wait until after the show or the person receiving or sending texts cannot get their asses out of their seats and leave the theater to do whatever they feel the need to do. Yesterday there was a guy across the aisle and two rows down and he was screwing around with his damn phone the whole movie. By the end I was wishing we had sat behind him because the back of his seat would have received a good kicking.

  • Matador Fury

    I'll just leave this here... http://youtu.be/2dveRE8lIhQ

  • Fabius_Maximus

    You forgot to link the trailer:


  • On the rare occasion that we see a movie together I always always always have to remind my wife to shut her phone off. This goes for weddings, Broadway shows and other similar gatherings. She's not doing it on purpose or with any ill-intent, she's just sort of a ditz with that and forgets. And I always remind her, because I am sort of a Nazi that way, and as going to the movies is my absolute favorite pastime, I have loads of respect for in-theatre cell phone etiquette.

    All of that said - everything changed when we had a kid. I hate to be so textbook, but it's just the way it is. Aside from the fact that I rarely see movies any more, when I do go I am usually alone and my wife is usually at home with our son. And don't get me wrong, she is 100% perfectly capable of handling him and whatever else is going on in the couple of hours that I'll be gone. But I can't help it. I have to have my phone on during the movie just in case. Although she knows that if she needs anything she should start with a text.

    A couple of rules I have instituted for myself:

    - Before the movie starts, I always lower the brightness on the phone as much as possible so I can still read whatever comes through, but also that it won't be shining too brightly in anyone's eyes.

    - As my daily uniform usually consists of a button down shirt with a pocket, I place the phone in said pocket facing in so that I can just see the edge of a glow if I do get a text. However, in some cases I get too involved in the movie and fear that I may have missed a text so I pull it out and check the screen as fast as possible. (On the occasion that no shirt pocket is available, I place the phone on my lap, or in the cup holder if the theater isn't crowded.

    I'm not particularly proud of any of this, but it's part of my reality now. Of course, if I had access to an Alamo Drafthouse, which I think I will by next year, I would follow their stated rules re: phones.

  • JD

    I like it best when the offender is sitting directly in front of me. Then, whenever they talk and/or text, I kick the back of their seat. Every time. Eventually, they turn around and ask me to stop kicking, and I say, "I stop kicking when you stop talking." Works every time.

  • Dennis Albert Ramirez

    leaving for the bathroom twice during a GOOD movie? holy cow. i always make sure to get that mess done before i even step in the theater.

    somehow, people leaving to use the restroom during a movie, as understandable as it is, bothers me just as much as texting. hopefully you at least aren't the type that comes back and asks what you missed. Because if you are, then you are probably my dad, and this is about to get uncomfortable...

  • L.O.V.E.

    When it goes dark put the phone away, period. if you anticipate the need for an important call go outside and check it.

    My response to violators is to half stand and give a disapproving look. if that doesn't work, and assuming I am not looking at roidrager, I advise I am the type of person who tells you to put the phone away, I am not asking. that has worked everytime so far.

  • Jerce

    HAHAHAHAHA--that stupid cow's voice mail brightens my day every time I listen to it.

    I love the shit out of the Alamo Drafthouse.

  • profmedia

    My husband has a 100% success rate at shutting up gabby folks or shutting down texters in a film. He just has a Voice of Authority. I went with him and a friend to Avatar opening week. A whole row of teen boys in front of us started texting. He quietly but awesomely said "Boys, it's Time to Put Away Those Phones. Now". they all did and were quiet as lambs during the theatre. I love going to movies with him. I'm willing to rent him out to movie goers by the hour, with a special extra Pain Charge if you are taking him to a smurfs or transformers movie.

  • androstarr

    My mom has the voice of authority too. She has been a middle school math teacher for close to 30 years. I have seen her stop grown men twice her size dead in their tracks by saying, "Young man, what in the world to you think you are doing?" in her "teacher" voice. It is 80 different kinds of awesome. Especially, because the offender usually looks all abashed and then apologizes. I should add that my mom looks like a short round gramma who will make you cookies and lemonade if you had a hard day.

  • PDamian

    I have librarian/college professor voice. Works about 80% of the time if the obnoxious twit making a ruckus is facing away from me. I'm a short, chubby, middle-aged woman with a killer stink-eye, so if the twit sees me and I give him voice and stink-eye, it works 100% of the time. I've been told I look like someone's mother who's about to pull out a slipper and get down to business when I do this. Depending on my mood, I find that either hilarous (damn skippy I'm about to get down to business!) or depressing (no-one wants to do a middle-aged chubby mom. And I'm not even a mom.).

  • Maguita NYC

    Stink-eye. I should work on that. Any suggestions? Remember, I look sweet-ish. There are times when even my coolest of stares resulted with a cheek pinch.

    If only I was kidding.

  • koko temur

    I have enough for the two of us, dont worry. I look unfriendly even when im trying not to.

    But if you insist, martial arts would help. You would Still look sweet, but people will beware of you on some weird subconcious, chemical level. I cant quite understand how it works, but it does.

  • Maguita NYC

    I'm definitely looking into BJJ!

  • koko temur

    Ok, this will either motivate or scare you. Either way - look! Sweaty men embrace!


  • PDamian

    The patented PDamian/teacher mode stink-eye:

    1. Single raised eyebrow
    2. A furrow between the eyebrows worthy of Alan Rickman
    3. Coke-bottle glasses slipping midway down the nose, the better to look over them with scorn and derision
    4. Pursed mouth

    It helps if you think while you're making this face, "No semester project deadline extension for you!"

  • Maguita NYC

    Unfortunately your "no semester project deadline extension for you" has me panicking and looking at the calendar.

    I shall work though on the all-over tone, and the pursing of lips. I'm not sure though about the Coke-bottle glasses... I might trip and break my neck in the process of giving stink-eye.

  • emmalita

    Rather than stink-eye, you may have go with surprise, and your fabled whip.

  • Maguita NYC

    My whip sadly gets respect when I'm only in my underwear.


  • emmalita

    So many people are experiencing so much disappointment.

  • koko temur

    I know i am!

  • Maguita NYC

    I feel objectified by my wifeys, and I like it!

  • Maguita NYC

    As long as one of them is Mr. Clooney.

  • emmalita

    He is the most disappointed. As he should be.

  • Certain people just 'have it' when it comes to getting compliance, but Avatar was in the Mesozoic Era of texting. Has his success translated to the Cenozoic Era? I mean, the techniques for handling your standard late-Jurassic texters have to be a bit more robust, much less anything after the asteroid apocalypse and the Ice Age, like the far more advanced and hard to manage Cro-Magnon types, who manipulate tools. The Elizabethans, of course, we easy in their upright-ness, while the Jazz-Age had to be impossible, with all the illegal, underground texting sites.

    OK, I just pulled something stretching that metaphor out. Good day, I tell you.

  • lowercase_ryan

    1) I'm on Facebook way too much. Like, it's embarrassing how much I'm on there. Seriously, half the people on this site will verify. If my A.D.D., social media addicted ass can manage to turn my shit off and unplug for an hour and a half, then by God you can too. I find it mind blowing that this is really an issue.

    2) If you go to the bathroom more than once a screening, you either have an overactive bladder or an overactive nose.

  • Maguita NYC

    That last part too. Especially during a full house and you happen to be seated in the middle, right behind the repeat offender. Because they don't just get up and leave, nooo: They have to get up, make sure they haven't dropped anything, whatever was dropped has to be picked up and put back on their seat, then whisper to their friend, then finally start walking.

    And then they come back. Why can't they drown in the toilet and never come back?

  • lowercase_ryan

    It's surprisingly difficult to drown someone in a toilet.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Isn't the water level in US toilets ridiculously high?

  • emmalita

    Depends on the toilet. Some of the newer "low-flow" toilets couldn't drown a roach.

  • Maguita NYC

    I would still manage. Herculean feat.

  • lowercase_ryan

    yes, but still

  • Maguita NYC

    When adrenaline rage kicks in, petite women are known to accomplish herculean feats.

    Remember that next time you go to the bathroom!

  • lowercase_ryan

    I doubt I'll be able to forget...

  • L.O.V.E.

    In my defense, that is a bladder buster full of Coke Zero and Jack Daniels.

  • LordTomHulce

    I NEVER used to have to get up and pee during a movie - until I wised up and started bringing a flask. Now I'm lucky if it's only once. I try to sit in the very back row so I don't have to walk in front of everybody, and I feel kind've douche-y getting up 3 times during a movie, but the whiskey is worth it!

  • Maguita NYC

    Let the record show that I am snorting at you old drunken peepaws.

  • L.O.V.E.

    When are they going to make Flomax commercials for real men? I want to see one where the guy is drinking straight from a 40ouncer of High Life in a movie theater and has to keep getting up to pee, when he kicks over the bottle and it rolls all the way down to the bottom, causing a huge ruckus. Thats real life, people.

  • Maguita NYC

    This will be done when adult diapers "Flomax For Real Men" (such as yourself) would start giving electric shocks whenever you peep, let alone pee, during a movie.

    Sit your fine-old ass down peepaw, and stop thinking of ways to drowning yourself in public.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Before you know it, you will be in your 30's -- oh the humanity! -- with a kid and have to take her to some godawful kid movie with a talking blue marshmellow or some shit, and you will find yourself reaching into that purse of yours and pulling out a bottle of pinot. And when you do, I want you to think about this moment that you made fun of a man and his sanity elixir.

  • Maguita NYC

    As if I needed to have a child to start carrying a bottle of pinot, or any other Sanity Elixir, in my purse.

    Ha! Shows how much you know about real life Mr. Diaper Rash.

    Love the Sanity Elixir though, so much better and age appropriate than Jesus Juice. May I borrow?

  • Maguita NYC

    IT WAS YOU!!

  • L.O.V.E.

    I can't guarantee when I go to see a movie that I will enjoy it, but I find that bringing a flask of whiskey improves my chances by 250%.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    That's the kind of science I can get behind.

  • habshockeygrl

    If it is a much anticipated first time shown trailer than you better not be illuminating my space..smurfs..well go right ahead. My husband on the other hand won't even go into a theater if there is a chance that he has missed a preview but he can be a little on the crazy side of movie watching. I would however like to beg parents of pre-teens, because they can not seem to help themselves, if you are taking the kids to the movie and staying with them at the movie TAKE THEIR PHONES AWAY FROM THEM. I had an entire row texting each other the entire last packed movie and the parent meekly asked once and then put the blinders on. I didn't pay to have a babysitter, plus tickets, plus refreshment to watch screens blinking like gawdy christmas lights the entire time.

  • blacksred

    I am just like your husband. I need to be IN my seat an hour before show time!

  • Mrcreosote

    During the climax of Pacific Rim yesterday, some idiot decided he HAD to text someone. Are people just unaware that their phone is like a damn spotlight in the theater? You may think you're the texting ninja and it's just a quick flash, but you knoe you're going to be looking at a bright screen. To the rest of us it's a flash of light, the realization that it's a phone, and the incandescent rage at being just TAKEN OUT of the moviegoing experience. Snipers with paintballs people. Snipers with paintballs. Who would not want that job?

  • Slash

    Holy shit, why has no one thought of this before. ?
    Paintball to the back of the head oughta do it. Those f***ers hurt.

  • Pacific Rim had a climax?

  • emmalita

    Oooooo....I want that job.

  • Maguita NYC

    ..."what the rude texter will respond to is crazy. People are scared of crazy people, even if you’re slight of frame."

    I am somewhat petite and look... kinda sweet (fraud), whenever anyone obnoxious enough in the vicinity starts texting, I simply lean over their head (not shoulder) and start reading their messages. Staying close, very much in their personal space. They usually freak out and move away.

    Tough though to deal with someone talking over the phone during a "quiet" movie (action movies cover all and every sound). Why is it so hard to leave your phone alone? It is an addiction for many.

  • lowercase_ryan

    people that actually talk on their phone during a movie are a different animal entirely. That's like "hey, I want to get in a fight, but I don't want the bar tab that goes with being an angry drunk."

  • Maguita NYC

    I remember my date getting into a fight once with people behind us who would not stop talking. It was during Django Unchained and honestly, their language in itself was quite offensive.

    They were 2 girls and a guy in their early twenties, others had asked them nicely to quiet down many times to no avail. Until finally my friend stood up, looked the guy in the eye and told him to step outside... You'd think with my date's frame the guy would have shut up, but no. He actually refused to get out and started talking louder. I ended up leaving because enough, the night was ruined. The manager as an apology gave us free tickets.

    Just thinking about it has me grinding my teeth; There are assholes in this world that should not be let out of their cages, and definitely not partake in common civilized activities as humans casually do.

  • Bea Pants

    My boyfriend actually did get into a physical confrontation with a dude during the premier of House of 1000 Corpses. Dude thought yelling out "THIS MOVIE SUCKS!" and "FUCK THIS MOVIE!" during the show was an okay thing.

  • BlackRabbit

    I agree with his opinion but not his actions.

  • Maguita NYC

    Whatever lets people believe it is remotely acceptable to act this way, I would never understand.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I'm not exaggerating, that's just insane. I would have no idea how to deal with that situation.

  • Punches. Punches are the appropriate response.

  • See, this is why I always wear my spring-loaded sleeve daggers in theaters.
    Asshole: ass, ass, ass, ass.
    Me: *cough* (stab through base of skull)
    Violence...it's not just for family reunions any more.

  • See, that level of violence would be appropriate if you've paid evening show prices, but for matinee prices, punches generally suffice.

  • Maguita NYC

    As frustrating and unfair this may be, unless you are ready to deal with the consequences of getting physical, the only thing is to leave.

    I'm grinding my teeth again, because assholes won.

  • lowercase_ryan

    so you can drown someone in a toilet but you refuse to crack skulls in the parking lot? I'm oddly disappointed.

  • Maguita NYC

    I said "Herculean" not "Xena Warrior Princess".

  • lowercase_ryan

    Now I'm reeeeeally disappointed.

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